Hamster's Wheel: In reply

Monday 18 February 2008

In reply

I have had a couple of comments on my item, posted yesterday, about my meeting with a
professional sportsman and an interview I subsequently found, which conflicts with what he had told me about his sexuality. I was going to reply on the comments section, but thought my answer would be far too long for that alone. Not everyone reads comments and I want to put this open to debate for all.
This sportsman assured me, on our one and only meeting in 2006, that he was out with his team mates, though this conflicts with the interview I read. The interview, however was conducted in 2002 and so his interpretation of his sexuality may have changed since then. He may indeed have been in the closet then and since "come out." A myriad of things could have happened.

Many people would say that I have a duty to "out" this person, but that is an action that I do not agree with. Coming out is a very personal decision and one that can affect many people. So I will never make that decision for anyone else. It is not down to me to say what is right or wrong for another person to decide about their own life, unless they are directly harming another.
Many would also say that, as a professional sportsman in the public eye, he has a duty to his fans to be truthful, and to set an example for others. I remember the last professional British sportsman to come out while still at the top of his game, Justin Fashanu. The hostility he faced from fans, disownment by his own family, and the lack of opportunities to progress in the sport he loved after his forced "coming out" are enough to put anyone off following his example. Yes, we are in a different decade, even a different century now, but I don't think that things have changed that much.

I would love to have the chance to meet my one-time acquaintance again, to ask him what his situation is and why he said what he did in that interview. I am genuinely interested in what he has to say, even apart from my physical attraction to him, though have no secure way of contacting him even if he was interested.

3 comments:

matutesf said...: If you can get to interview you, and you can find out about their sexuality today, which could change?
Like sex is something individual choice, my way of thinking is that it must decide whether to make public their choice or save for their privacy.
The theme feel much attraction is something that can define whether or not to comment on it.
As you before a reactionary rejection?
Greetings
Matias; 11:36 pm
iain said...: Alex. When a movie star is promoting a "Church" that is -at the very least- unsympathetic to homosexuality, but is spotted in gay bars in London ... um ... enjoying himself with young men (see ? I've spared your feelings by naming no names, you won't get a libel suit slapped on you, but you know dam' well who I mean)... or when Pete Williams was working for the US Defence Department (before he was loudly outed by Michelangelo Signorile), responsible for dishonourably discharging THOUSANDS of gay US servicepeople but spending his nights with boyfriends in Washington DC gay bars, when ANY public figure is making bazillions of pounds and dollars and euros PRETENDING TO BE WHAT THEY'RE NOT, they blow their credibility as people of integrity, they fail their responsiblities to themselves, the people they love and THE PUBLIC WHO PUT MONEY IN THEIR POCKETS. And at worst they demonstrate cowardice with blood on its hands. It's nothing to do with "privacy" or "personal decisions", it's FEAR of public reaction and the attendant effect on the pay packet. And until the closet doors are thrown open, brave players like Justin will continue to take the heat for their cowering, frightened colleagues. Coming out didn't seem to do Ian Roberts much harm, now did it ?
Alex, I'm an expat Londoner living in California these past twenty years with my honey in a relationship that's also lasted twenty years (he's why I moved here), I came out to my Dad in 1968 when I was 17 and Sex ("in Private") beteween TWO "Consenting Adults" OVER 21 (!) had only been fully legal for a year, and I'm damned if I'll put up with any more timidity. There's not enough bloody time for that. Gay kids are killing themselves in huge numbers every day because they feel alone, and different, and unloved, and scared, and it behoves EACH AND EVERY GAY PERSON TO STOP SNIVELLING AND COME OUT !!!!!
And now I'm going to do you a great favour and shut the hell up because it's YOUR blog and I've taken up enough of your space and kindness for a while.
(And BTW, I don't quite know what matutesf is on about, but I assure him sexuality is not a matter of choice.); 4:10 am
Alex said...: Iain,
Essentially I agree with alot of what you are saying, but I think that there is a difference between saying something to harm others (denouncing homosexuality as a sin, or openly supporting dishonourable discharges from the military) and just staying quiet (not announcing that you are gay).

I would imagine that most people on the planet are guilty of harming someone else through inaction, however indirect (not reporting a drink driver / buying or selling illegal drugs / buying or selling pirate cd's or dvd's / ignoring domestic desputes / ignoring broken glass or needles on the street), but that doesn't mean they should all be "outed."

Yes, Ian Roberts is a great example of a sports celebrity coming out, and I am a big fan, but he wasn't coming to the peak of his sports career, he was nearing the end of it.
This rugby player I talked to is nearing his peak, so does have a lot to lose potentially. It shouldn't matter, but again, I challenge anyone to do everything so selflessly in their lives and careers, it doesn't get you anywhere.
And as I have said, I would like to clarify his position before I judged him too harshly.
Either way though, I don't think that I would ever "out" someone unless they were being actively hypocritical, or directly harming someone else.
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on the finer points. But, please, comment as much as you feel you want to. Part of the reason for this blog is to open communication and debate. I really appreciate all such constructive comments.

As for Matias, I think that there may be a misunderstanding, or mistranslation. Though I may be wrong, so clarification from Matias would be welcomed.; 8:06 pm