2011
Who's On-Line Now?
Friday 31 December 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR
2011
Saturday 25 December 2010
MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL
WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY TIME OVER THIS CHRISTMAS PERIOD, I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE THE FUN AND LOVE THAT YOU DESERVE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tuesday 21 December 2010
Wednesday 15 December 2010
Confidence
- As a child, all through school I let my parents decide what style to have my hair in and what clothes to wear. When I left school my eldest sister took me to have my first decent haircut. It was similar to what George Michael had at the time, a short crop gelled into a feathered effect. It helped my confidence as I no longer had a massive mane of ugly boring hair to contend with, or hide under.
- As soon as I was 17 I began learning to drive, I was a fairly slow learner (compared to my friends) and it took me 3 tests and 11 months, but I eventually passed. Being able to drive a car on my own was a massive boost to my confidence, making me realise that I was able to do more than I initially thought possible. A good lesson for life.
- For my 18th birthday my mum paid for my first set of contact lenses. From the age of about 12 I had been wearing glasses ALL the time and I hated them. They are so inconvenient, cause grease spots on your face, cloud up when you go from cold to hot environments, have to be wiped clean all the time. I really hated them and I think I felt like I was hiding behind them sometimes, scared to come out. Once I had contact lenses I began to come out of my shell.
- Going on from the contact lenses, last year I got my eyes lasered and it was probably the best money I have ever spent (and the most!). I am finally free of the constraints of having to put lenses in to see anything, the discomfort they can cause and the possible negative effects they can have (and were having) on my eyes. Now, I feel that I can go anywhere at any time, without having to think if my lenses have been cleaning for long enough etc.
- Moving out of my mum's was a major decision for me. Not only did I move out, I moved a couple of hundred miles away to live with friends. Probably the best and most life-defining decision I have ever made. I will forever be grateful to my since-passed friend Craig Armet and all the other friends he put me in touch with in Torquay and all their help which allowed me to find out and become the person I really was, instead of the person I thought everyone else wanted me to be.
- And finally, joining the gym. I joined about 10 months ago and it has made a big difference to my confidence again. I had always been the "skinny" one, despite never engaging in any sports and very little exercise. A few years ago I noticed that I was developing a bit of a belly (sitting down for 12 hours a day at work will do that to you). This year I was finally able to afford to go to the gym and I have tried quite hard to get into the whole thing. My belly has almost completely gone and is being replaced with a six-pack (nearly). I now look in the mirror every time I am changing my top just to get a look at my nice body. I never did that before. EVER! It makes me wish that I had joined the gym when I was younger, but I am so happy that I have now. It also gives me something to do on days when, as I have no one to hang out with most days, my life would otherwise be spent sitting at home in front of the telly or on the computer. Having the goal of something specific to do each day is such an important step to get out of the funk that you can fall into sometimes.
Simple things that really have helped me. I am no where near perfectly happy, but these easy(ish) steps really have made it easier for me to cope with the disappointments and depressive episodes in my life. I recommend that, if you feel the same way, you try at least one and see how much you feel better about yourself. Sometimes a simple thing can really prove to you that:
It Gets Better
Tuesday 14 December 2010
Tom Oliver
Sunday 12 December 2010
The Mighty Thor
Let's just hope that I get to see it in the cinema with some friends.
Tuesday 23 November 2010
Hugs 2 U All
It Gets Better
Long time readers will know that occasionally I have these wild ideas for how I can make the world a better place, or how I can create my perfect job etc etc. Well I had an idea a couple of days ago and I have just sent a message to someone who I think can do something about it.
I was flicking through random pages on marvel.wikia.com when I came across a page on Larry Bodine. Larry was a teenage mutant character from a Marvel comic who only made one appearance, but it was a memorable one, for me at least.
In New Mutants Vol1 #45, Larry was introduced as a young mutant who was scared that someone would find out that he was a mutant. He worried that it was something to be ashamed of and kept himself to himself for fear of being "outed." I was 14 when I read the story and it struck a chord. I had long since recognised that mutants in comics could be held as an analogy for gays (or indeed an perceived difference from "the norm") and identified with the character, who was roughly the same age, a loner, had a similar (naff) haircut and wore glasses like me.
Larry killed himself only for one of the comics main characters to discover that he was a mutant, like her, and was able to create the most beautiful light sculptures. A stunning gift that anyone should be proud of.
It stood out as an amazingly supportive story, despite the suicide. It showed me that each of us could have a gift and, if we know what that gift is, we should embrace it no matter what other people think of it or of us. It also showed me that, if you hold on for just a little while longer you may find someone who you can share your "problems" with, or indeed share your gifts with. Just hold on.
I didn't have a gift, and have yet to find one, but I live my life trying, at least, to find that one more difference I can make on the world, one more mark to show that I was here and I mattered. Without going into details I can name two people, who I used to work with, who have actually told me that I have provided an example for them to be able to be themselves. That makes me proud. And, if I have done that with mere work colleagues then I hope that I have helped my family and close friends too in some ways.
I have just sent a message to Chris Claremont, who wrote the above-mentioned story, with a request that he attempts to get it republished, with a co-story giving an example of how someone's life has been great because they DIDN'T commit suicide. I suggested a "What If Larry Bodine lived?" story but that may be a bit naff, or a bit easy.
I don't know if he will really get the message I sent, but I hope that someone does and passes it on to someone able to do it. I would love to see this published as a positive message in support of the It Gets Better campaign. And maybe it can be something else I can feel proud of. If anyone reading has connections with the comic book industry then, by all means, pass on the idea and lets get this done.
Friday 29 October 2010
Death of the Doctor
I'd love to see Tegan, Nyssa, Ace, Ian & Barbara, Jamie, Susan, maybe Adam (from the newer Doctor stories) and now I also want to see more of Jo Grant, oh Jones (I can't get used to that!) and Santiago.
Monday 18 October 2010
Australia?
I will have to make a decision though as, as things stand, I won't be able to afford a holiday AND a new place (which is bound to be more expensive), so I have to decided which is more important to me. Unfortunately I know which would win! So here's hoping that I come into some money soon (either through a Lotto win or a fantastic new job) so that I can finally do something that I have wanted to do for years.
Sunday 17 October 2010
It Gets Better
I’ve seen various YouTube videos, from well-known people, giving messages of support to teenagers and others who may be having a tough time, either because they are coming to terms with their sexuality or because other people are giving them a hard time (whether they are gay or not). this support is as a response to the recent batch of suicides in the USA.
I've wanted to send out my own message, but recently I’ve been feeling down and so not in the right frame of mind to send the correct message out.
My downers are not currently to do with my sexuality, though my depression may have started out as stemming from my feelings of being alone, rejected and reviled when I was a child, teenager and young adult, I’m a long way past that now.
With regards to bullying and “accepting” your sexuality I would have to admit that it DOES get better. When I finally found my own space and thus was allowed to become my own person, instead of what I thought everyone else thought I should be, I was instantly happier. Surrounding myself with real, supportive and like-minded friends was also a key ingredient.
My advice to help you make your life bearable and eventually enjoyable would be:
1) Learn to be yourself. Find the space that enables you to be true to who you are, be that in a private space at home, with a group of friends or at a club or in a support group.
2) Find something that you enjoy and focus on it. If you are a good artist, then draw and find others who can draw and who can help you focus those skills into a possible career or even just to enhance your enjoyment of this “hobby.”
3) The simplest piece of advice I can give is: If you need help ask for it.
There is always someone you can speak to. If not in your immediate group of friends or family then there are helplines and internet based organisations who you can speak to or who can put you in touch with the right person for you.
You are not weak because you are asking for help. It takes a strong person to admit they cannot do everything alone. It is an arrogant person who thinks that they do not need anyone. It is a stupid person who doesn’t seek help when they are in a state of desperation. I’ve been stupid, but I somehow came out the other side, you don’t always get a second chance.
It DOES get better
Unknown Family
Santa also sent me the transcript of a newspaper clipping that she found at her parents' house today (Jack Miller is my mum's dad):
"At the age of 55 Freddie Tomkins has suddenly found his family expanding. By two half brothers and a half sister, to be exact. After a break of 26 years he has re-established contact with the children of his mothers first marriage. Their reunion came by an accident of television. Mr Tomkins, appearing for the Burma Star association in the world at war series was spotted by his half brother Jack Miller from Sudbury in Suffolk. Mr Miller wrote to the series producer at Thames Television, who passed on his letter. Mr Tomkins who lives in New Cross, was delighted to learn that his half sister Lily was living just up the road at Brockley and that half brother Bill had retired to St Leonards. "We were a very close family until about 1948 when we just drifted apart" says Mr Tomkins. "It hasn't been hard to re-establish the old relationship" "When I walked into Bill's kitchen and tapped him on the shoulder he just turned and said "Well I'll be blowed,it's our Fred!" ..
I never really talked to my grandad about much, when I was young I was incredibly shy and when I was a teenager I wasn't interested. Mum never talked much about family at all either, so I know very little about my family's history. I think that is what makes this so much more interesting now.
Click here for the clip from the television show that they were talking about. Freddie Tomkins is the first face after the opening credits. It looks like he is in further slices on YouTube so I'm gonna check them out in a minute.
I can feel a personal project coming up, though I may lose interest if it gets too difficult tracking ALL my relatives and their personal stories.