Dead Man Walking

**************SPOILER WARNING**************

Okay, so it turns out that somewhere along the line I managed to miss an episode of Torchwood and thought that the last one I'd watched was Dead Man Walking, when it was in fact A Day in the Death.

Torchwood episodes in this series run thus:

6) Reset

7) Dead Man Walking

8) A Day In The Death

I have just watched the episode that I had missed and it was another great one, also focussing on Dr Owen Harper and the initial reason why he is still walking around after being shot "dead" at the end of Reset.

There were great effects in this episode, which although they looked almost cartoonish at points, seemed to work well. Strangely one of the most notable things about this episode and A Day in the Death, was the dramatic music in the background which was really beautiful and added to the atmosphere of the story. It's not often that you notice music in a show like this, but it is one thing that Dr Who and Torchwood both do well, using music to set moods.

This episode does leave a lot of unanswered questions, for example who is the fortune telling girl? And, why are the leaving so many Weevils running around Cardiff? But that is what is great about these writers, you know that somewhere they will answer the question and it will probably be when you least expect it.

Sorry to anyone if I have caused confusion by reviewing the episodes out of synch, but I was genuinely confused! And apologies again to Iain and anyone else who read without realising, for not putting the spoiler warning on the previous Torchwood review.

In Memorium

Today would also have been the 36th birthday of Pedro Zamora. Pedro came to prominance when he was one of the housemates in MTV's Real World: San Francisco, which I remember watching all those years ago. Pedro was openly gay and had AIDS, and sadly died mere hours after the final episode of Real World was aired in the USA.

Pedro has been rightly credited with bringing a human face to AIDS and, even prior to Real World, became an AIDS educator which led him to audition for the show to enable him to bring the truth about AIDS to a wider audience. It was certainly the first time that I had seen anyone going through the experience of dealing with AIDS. He was a real example to us all.

Beautiful Birthday Man

Today is the 36th borthday of hot Italian born American model and actor Antonio Sabato Jr. This hot huy has been in shows such as The Bold & the Beautiful, Joey, Charmed and Melrose Place. Apparently, he's also played gay in a couple of films too, though I've not seen either Testosterone or Deadly Skies.

A Day In The Death

**************SPOILER WARNING**************

a bit late for some readers, sorry

The latest episode of Torchwood, A Day In The Death, was unexpected. After seeing Owen die at the end of the last episode, we find that he is up and about and as right as rain. Or is he? The whole story is dark, as are most episodes of Torchwood, but this one especially so. I found myself drawing comparisons with my recent trials and the struggle portrayed by Burn Gorman (Owen), whose performance was amazing and totally absorbing. For an episode where there wasn't much action, I was entranced. For Owen, a climactic event has caused a major shift in the way that the character sees his "life" and how he deals with events and with other people. He doesn't know what he can do to help himself get back to the way things were, to being comfortable with things again, to be normal.
He is numb, and unable to express how he feels, feeling that no one around him can understand what he is going through and so is unable to open up to anyone or to ask for their help. He even resents the help they do offer and, even more, resents that those around him are going about their own lives as if nothing has changed. But he knows a major change has taken place within him and is just unable to move forward, or find a way back to the person he was before.
Without intending to he comes across someone who is able to empathise with him, someone who is afraid of the dark too, and begins to reaffirm his reason for being, his purpose in life. He resolves his crisis, but still acknowledges that everything has changed and he has to change how he behaves to stop the rot setting in again in the future.
I've yet to make that revelation in my personal journey, but I hope to find my purpose very soon. I am examining my options and working out how I can achieve possible solutions that may see me through to the other side. It isn't going to be solved within 50 minutes, as it always is in Torchwood, not even in a two-parter, but I'll get there. I don't like to keep "dwelling" on my depression, or "harping on about it", but it is a major part of who I am at the moment and so needs to be talked about.

The "talking" helps me, it is a process that has proved effective for me in the past and I think it is underestimated the amount of good that writing things down, or talking to a stranger, can do to help. It's incredibly cathartic.

I also feel that not enough people talk about their depression in the public eye. Richard Hammond recently admitted to suffering from depression, Denise Welch has also talked about her own bouts of post-natal and clinical depression, and Judy Finnigan famously was off-air for months while suffering from post-natal depression. The more public faces that do discuss this dark affliction the more people will understand that it is not just feeling "a bit blue," and we won't just "snap out of it!"
I've just discovered a site which may help. depression.com which should offer some help, so I'm gonna go and read what they have to say.

A Night Out At Last

I met Tim in Comptons last night for drinks and we had a good chat, mainly about Dr Who but it was good to have his company as I hadn't seen him for a few weeks. We also visited the Duke of Wellington and Rupert Street before going to Mr Wu's for something to eat. Tim then went home and I went back to Rupert Street for one more drink before heading home. There were a few nice guys around but no one in particular caught my eye, and the only guy who paid me any attention was a young short guy who kept brushing past me. He began talking to me, or slurring at me should I say, and I just told him I wasn't interested. He did the same a few weeks back. I sure hope I don't look or act like that when I'm really drunk!
As usual lately, I got the urge to go to Chariots and so found myself there for a couple of hours before heading home.

Jake: A Reminder

I got an email from my buddy in Aus, Deano today and he sent me a link to a (very) brief interview with Jake Gyllenhaal on News Weekly. It reminded me that I haven't posted any pictures of Jake for a while so I would like to correct that ommission right now!

Birthday Battler

Today is the the 29th birthday of a British mixed martial arts fighter within the Ultimate Fighting Championship, Michael Bisping. Michael is a gorgeous man, with a great physique and apparently is pretty good in the ring!! (If only!)

Have a great day Michael.

Yay!

I had a phone call from Tim earlier. I actually missed the call because I still had my phone on silent from when I went to the doctors yesterday! I called him back and he advised me that he is in town tonight unexpectedly and so we are meeting for drinks. I can't really afford it as I am into next weeks budget already, but I need to get out and I haven't seen Tim for weeks now! I hope that there are lots of hot boys out tonight. I feel like being naughty!

Quandry

I'm in a bit of a quandry now.
Since I quit on Friday I have done nothing to find a new job. Half-hearted looking at job websites hardly counts. I am still debating whether I should call my old boss and ask for my job back (not the one I just left but the one in the empty building). I'm sure that they would have me back, as they were always running short staffed and they seemed to like me. I could probably be back at work by the weekend if I pushed it.
To confuse matters, I received a letter in the post today from another company that I wrote to, when I sent off seven letters at once to local companies asking if they had vacancies, and they have arranged an interview for 6th March. So I don't know what to do now! DO I hold off for an almost certainly better paid job, and risk having another episode like Friday's. Or, do I go back to my old job and just get paid a low hourly rate, but in a place where I just risk being bored.
I think I know the answer, but I hate wasting opportunites.

Black and White Beauties

Meds sorted

Okay, so I've been to the doctors and he's agreed to put me back on the same medication that I was on back in June, but at half the dose, which I was going to suggest anyway. As I said to the doctor, I feel like I have regressed to where I was before I began to take anti-depressants. Let's hope that I'm back to my sorted self pretty quick. It's hard to imagine that this time last year I was happy(ish) and confident enough to try and set up my own business (a mistake that has long reaching consequences I would never have foreseen!).
At the moment, even before I took the first tablet, I am feeling okay, slightly numb, but okay. Ask me again in a couple of weeks, especially if I haven't got back to work by then!

Now the YouTube problem is sorted

Thanks to Ray spelling out to me in idiot proof language how to sort my video-posting problem, I can now post clips of good stuff. I have "corrected" two earlier posts [below] and now have another excuse to post one of my favourite music videos.

Charlie Bit Me

Donnie, over at Famous Like Me, has a cute video of two kids, posted on YouTube. Strangely enough, the video has been copied by, seemingly normal, adults and they are strangely funny, though I can't quite place why! Why would someone copy such an ordinary video? I wonder how many copycat vids this will produce. Oh and the big guy on the second vid below (third vid on Donnie's site) is cute. I wonder how many copied of this vid there are out there, I spotted another couple on YouTube.

Muscled Models

I have just discovered a new site (new to me anyhow) which focusses on muscular male models, and has an attached blog. Connex247 (and jointly Connex247blog) seems to be run by the models themselves and focusses on Fitness, Entertainment, Fashion, Lifestyle (well that's what it says on the main banner!). Some of the models featured are really hot and have been shown here on my blog before, such as Jake Mclennan, Former Top Ten Man Leighton Stultz and Myles Hannaman. Others you will have seen but maybe not known the names of, Big Roger (check out his own website)and Jason Borish (who has a blog but hasn't updated it in a while)being my two favourites that I'd seen around but not known who they were.

Funny Stuff

I've not long been up. I made an appointment at the doctors and started checking my emails and fave blogs as usual, and I saw that Ray has an excellent YouTube video on his site which made me cry with laughter. It shows that some celebrities really have a sense of humour. Check it out.

Thanks to Ray for helping me out on the video posting thing too! More complicated than before but at least I can do it again.

I'm not the only one

With my depression seeming back, after slowly creeping back over the last 4 months, I am trying to find ways of dealing with it. It is really difficult, especially when you are on a real downer, all you want to do is get out! And then when you are up, it can barely cross your mind so! I have done absolutely nothing toward finding a new job for myself. I really don't know where to start. I'm putting off talking to my old boss, as I don't really want to go back there, but my options are ZERO at the moment other than that!

A few months back I found a link to the blog site of Erik Rhodes, Slipping Away, who was not long ago one of my Top Ten Men, and still is one of the most attractive guys around. He has the All-American Boy-Next-Door looks that turn me on and muscles too!

At the time I was just looking for horny pictures and so didn't read what he had taken the time to write (I guess that is what happens a lot with blogs!). I recently went back and began to read what he was "talking" about and found that he is suffering badly at the moment with his own depression.

I knew that a lot of porn guys end up topping themselves, either on purpose or through drug "miscalculations", but I never really took the time to think about it much. Reading a blog gives you the impression of getting to know someone and reading Erik's is like reading a goodbye letter, it is so sad.

He has had offers of help from others on his comments etc., but seems to believe that everyone is just after a bit of the fame. I can't blame him really. I guess I would be paranoid too if I was that big a star in his industry. He is one of the top names. But he also seems to be dissing his friends, thinking that they are trying to help him for their own selfish reasons, which I think is bad. He is slipping into doing more drugs and making a spectacle of himself in public and I wonder why. When I am on a real downer, the last thing I want is for anyone to see me, but I guess we all handle things differently. It sounds like he either wants saving, or he just wants to have revenge on everyone by showing them what "they have done to him!" I can't work it out.

I would like to help, but that is a bit of a stretch as I can't even seem to help myself at the moment. But that is probably just me trying to find a purpose in my own life. And Erik isn't exactly open to offers of assistance at the moment. In fact he can be damn abusive to his commenters, though some of them seem to revel in this and taunt him endlessly.

One guy, lets call him Di**H*d, commented today:

"Your out-of-control ego is staggering: that–in the midst of overdosing on GHB–you think every one's fighting over you. Like it's some prize to get you home and fuck you? Dude, you're not that hot." I wonder if this guy is a trained counsellor?

As if comments like that will help and, hey, if he thought that Erik wasn't that hot, why was he checking his site in the first place, it certainly wasn't because he is interested in Erik as a person.

I keep finding myself drawn to his blog, knowing that if he doesn't make an entry for a day I'll be checking the news sites for an obit and thinking that if someone that famous, popular and attractive wants more what hope do I have!

Music

I have just spent the entire morning adding music to the blog (check out the pannel at the bottom of the page). I have added a wide range of stuff that I enjoy listening to, so you may not like some (or any) of it, but I have made it so that it plays random selections and so it doesn't start automatically. It slightly annoys me when sites have the music starting automatically as it normally comes as a shock to me, especially if I have my speakers up full! So just press play if you want to listen. I'll try and change the selection every now and then!
As a coinsequence of playing around with this and selecting my music, I was too late to get an appointment at the doctors today. I'll have to try again tomorrow. I need to go back onto my anti-depressants as I have been having a bad time lately, as you will have read.

Where's My Buddy Gone?

Kevin has taken Frank to the other pub he is running tonight just for a few days he says. Frank has got rid of all of the mice here in the flat since he arrived with us back in June (I think it was June!), and so Kevin thought he'd take him to the other pub to see if he could do the same, as they have a bad mouse probelm at the moment. It should be good for Frank too. A nice change of scene for him as I'm sure he gets bored being stuck in the flat all day every say. So, I hope he has a great time for however long he is over there. But I will have no one coming into my room to say "miaow" now! What am I gonna do for conversation and hugs?

Thank You

I thought it was about time I said a big "Thank You" to those blogs who have links to this my blog. Thank you for taking the time to visit and for liking it enough to mention it on your own sites. If anyone knows of a site that I have missed then please let me know and I'll make my apologies and add them to the roll:

Always Gay Always - From J James in Minesota, USA, this site has lots of hot sex shots and some cleaner stuff too.

Ray's Cowboy - A new addition to my favourite blogs, this site has some seriously horny pictures, and some seriously sick ones too (for my tastes anyway)! Ray, from Dallas, Texas, USA, has been a frequent commenter on my items and I am immensley grateful for that. I always love to hear what everyone has to say.

Stunning Sexy Guys - Does exactly what it says on the tin! Owned by GoldeneyeUK from Fife in Scotland, I don't know much else about this guy, except he does a great job, and I could pick up some hints from him.

There used to be other sites that linked here, but they seem to have decided to remove the links, oh well! Thanks to those who still do link. I love you guys.

Deadpool? Dead Hot!!

I have just found out that hottie Ryan Reynolds is to co-star in the upcoming X-Men Origins: Wolverine film as the "Merc with the Mouth" Deadpool. He is a talented actor, but such a shame to waste that body and that face. Deadpool has pizza-top scarring across his whole body and so I won't want to see Ryan naked like that, but as long as the costume is form fitting I guess I'll cope.

With Hugh Jackman starring as Wolverine again (I now can't think of anyone else who could play the part), and co stars such as Christian Clark (formerly Will in Neighbours) then it is bound to be hot hot hot!

Other characters in the upcoming film are said to be Sabretooth, Silver Fox, Agent Zero, and John Wraith, all standard Wolverine characters from the comics. Strangely though, there is also Beak, played by British actor Dominic Monaghan (who is a teenager / young adult in the current comics and so should have nothing to do with Wolverine's origin) and Gambit (who also has nothing to do with Wolverine's origin, though is probably put in the film to draw more fans as they were expecting the character to be in the last X-Men film!)