I really did not enjoy my night shift last night. It was the worst one for ages. It started off with one of the guards arguing with me because I'd asked him to do a simple job (it turns out that he was stressed as his dad had been taken into hospital and he apologised later). It was a really muggy night and as before we have no air conditioning in the building at night (it is barely on in the areas we work during the day!).
I began to feel worse (my "swine flu" symptoms) and it felt like my shirt was choking me so I kept having to take my tie off and open the top two buttons of my shirt. I've had this sensation before and it is linked to my claustrophobia I think. I hate wearing any top that has a button or detailing around the throat. I am normally fine with shirts and ties (I've been wearing them my whole working life), but tonight, and one day a couple of weeks ago, I really felt like ripping the whole shirt off. It was that bad that I felt I needed to not wear a top at all. I felt I was going a bit psycho. I could have walked out at any moment.
Tonight I will have more of the same, and almost certainly I'll have no distractions to take my mind off of the discomfort. I am not looking forward to it at all. I feel like just quitting so I don't have to wear the poxy uniform again.
Even now, as I sit here in my room with no top on, it feels like something is around my throat. I can't explain the feeling enough to describe the discomfort, but it is like a phobia. If you are really scared of spiders and are stuck in a room with them with no escape, well that is how I feel about this sensation around my throat. It is horrible.
I hope I manage to last the night. I can't afford to go sick or to quit (though I would love to).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment