Down Again

I am on a bad downer today. I was woken up at 08:30 by the neighbours drilling again, for the third day in a row, which does not bode well for my night shifts. It is really annoying because they seem to do all of their drilling and banging first thing in the morning and then all afternoon we have silence!
I also have a really sore neck, I must have slept on it at a strange angle or something, but it has got more painful as the day has gone on.
I had a gym appointment today at 16:00, to go through a new gym routine with Nick. So, most of the day, I have just been sitting at home waiting for 16:00 to come along with absolutely nothing to do.
I did managed to sit out in the sun for about a half hour earlier, but it has been really changeable today that I came back indoors.
When the time eventually came along I was too lethargic to actually pay much attention to what he was showing me, or show any enthusiasm. I will try to give his plan a real go though as he seemed quite encouraging. After showing me what to do I had intended to do a full work out, but really could not be bothered. I forced myself to row 1500m and then run 1km (which I couldn't even be bothered to finish) before hitting the changing rooms.
I saw Nick in the steam room, he was on his break. He seems like such a lovely guy, but all I can think of when I see him is the age difference. I even mentioned it to him, telling him that I'm old enough to be his dad (almost), but he laughed it off. I don't even know if he is interested.
I think I am intimidated by him because he has the type of personality that I envy. He always seems jolly, seems to be able to talk to people easily, had a great body, and is good looking with a great, infectious smile.
When I had got changed and was just about to leave, I saw him standing naked at his locker and realised that I had another reason to be intimidated by him!

I feel really depressed now and even while I was having a shower at the gym, I almost burst into tears. It has made me realise that I probably have a major depressive episode coming on and I have no way of staving it off. There is no one I can spend time with to distract me, and I have absolutely nothing to do that I can focus on to pass the time. To top it all off I am at work, on night shifts, from tomorrow night. I really hate my life (or lack thereof) at the moment. I need a major change. I need a new job. I need some new friends. I need a new home.