One of those days

Today is a weird one. I went out last night, on my own, again, and had an ok time. One of my favourite barmen in Barcode was not in the happy mood that he usually is and I wish I could've cheered him up. I don't mean that in a naughty way (this time!). I want the guys I fancy to be happy and playful to make me feel better. But I don't know him well enough to be able to cheer him up, or find out why he wasn't his usual self.

When I woke, late this morning, I just didn't want to get out of bed as it was so cold in my room. Kevin doesn't like the heating being on, and to put the booster on I have to walk the full length of the flat to press the button and I was too cold to even emerge from my warm duvet. So, I just stayed in bed thinking. Never a good thing with me. I began thinking and my mind turned to Christmas which is a time of year that I hate.

Yes hate!

I am 34 years old and have NEVER had anyone there for me at Christmas. I've only ever had one boyfriend and that only lasted 3 months. Now the only time I celebrate is when I visit my sisters, and that is just for the sake of the kids.

And I miss my mom.

Events over the last couple of days have brought her back to the forefront of my mind, not that she is ever far from there, especially at this time of year.

This year, I am working from 22nd December to the 4th January, some of which would be my normal rostered shifts and the rest covering for a colleague who will be on holiday. I just wish that I had someone to share the time with. Would make a wonderful change. I guess, though, Christmas wishes don't always come true!

There it is all down in writing now and I can begin to think of other things, I hope. Must find something to take my mind off things. Which shall I pick, X-Tube or Porno Tube?