I was really in the mood for going out (i.e. horny) on my first day off, Monday, but Tim had stated recently that he was getting tired of drinking all the time and so I presumed that he would not be in the mood for going out, so I stayed in. The only thing I did all day was have another appointment at Vision Express in the middle of the afternoon, during which I was advised to get a referral from my G.P. to see an ophthalmologist about the dip / dent in my left eye which has 4 of the contact lens specialists at that branch of Vision Express stumped! So I made an appointment for the next day.
Tuesday was more of the same (feeling horny). I spoke to Tim and said that I would be out that evening if he was about and he said that if he was he would meet me. My doctor's appointment wasn't until 19:10 (that was the only appointment I could get) and so I told Tim I would be in town at about 20:00.
The doctor agreed to the referral (why wouldn't he?) and I also told him about the cough I had been dealing with for the last 5-6 weeks and he listened to my chest, could hear nothing and so gave me some non-prescription advice to help deal with it. I got into town on schedule.
Tim turned up at about 20:30 and we had a few drinks. I got talking to this okay looking, but chubby-ish Canadian guy and went to Barcode with him and his German friend when went home. I can't remember why, or what the guy said, but he pissed me off or freaked me out or something so I made my excuses, went to the other side of the bar to finish my drink and then came home. Yes, I came straight home. I didn't go to Chariots for the first time in ages which was a good result in itself. Though this did mean that, as I was still drunk when I got home and hadn't sweated the alcohol out of my system, I forgot me routine and thus woke up the next morning with an intense headache and hangover which lasted most of the day. Though I did manage to get to Barbican library and Lakeside Terrace outside for a little reading and sunbathing. I also learned that I had completed my payments on two more of my debts, meaning that I have an extra £200 a month. I have increased the payments on another loan to utilise this money, so that will get paid off quicker. I feel like I am getting somewhere with my debts at last.
While I had been out with Tim on the Tuesday night we had tenuously arranged to go to the Natural History Museum on Thursday, so when Thursday came I was wondering if we were still going to do that (we hadn't arranged times or anything solid). Tim phoned and asked if I was still planning to go out for drinks that night and I said I probably was and then he said that he had arranged to meet Richard (his now ex) and so would not have time to do what he wanted that day, so could we cancel the Museum trip. I was disappointed, especially as I have been friends with Tim for about 6-7 years now and we have never been anywhere that does not involve alcohol!! How sad is that?
I went to the Shoe Lane library to check my emails and while I was walking home I saw a guy I have fancied for ages standing outside my local Tesco store. This guy, who has a muscular chest and arms (very "my type"), lives in the Barbican estate somewhere and I have seen him several times in Tesco and while out in Soho (usually in Rupert Street), but he always avoids eye contact. As I walked past I managed to catch his eye and we both smiled and said "Hi". It is a small step, but a big leap for me. Hopefully when I see him next time we can expand on this.
I met him and Richard at 19:00 at the Duke of Wellington and another friend Terry joined us. It had been a pleasant day mostly and as Richard had returned to smoking and Tim always has we stood outside so they could both smoke. As the evening went on it turned out that we stood outside for the entire night and I was getting a bit ratty as they had not even considered this to be an imposition on anyone else as, as is the case with most smokers in my experience, they, their right and needs, are all that matter apparently. When Tim noticed that I was getting ratty, which was exacerbated by a touch of rheumatism playing up in my left shoulder and knee, he became really patronising which wound me up even more. When we got to G.A.Y. bar I went to the loo and gave up trying to get back to where they were standing in the smoking area because of the sheer number of people and the wall of smoke which I did not want to expose myself too, especially considering my cough. I waited inside for them to come back and find me.
I was actually pleased when they all pissed off home and I debated whether to stay out or not. Unfortunately, I was in such a foul mood that I really couldn't stay out. I got a bus back home. I was debating whether to go to Chariots or not even after I got home. I fed myself a quick microwave meal and then went back out and headed to Chariots.
I only stayed there about 2 hours with minimal success. And to make my mood worse, just as I was leaving the guy that I fancied most there smiled at me just as I was walking out of the door. How bloody typical.
All in all a disastrous evening. It was made worse by the fact that half of the point of going to Chariots had to be so that I would sleep into the afternoon today (as I was back on night shifts), but I woke at 09:00 and couldn't get back to sleep properly all day (I tried several times). It was also a beautiful day today, but if I had gone out it would have meant putting my lenses in meaning that I would have been wearing them for WAY too long. I also had no where new to go either.
So, I'm depressed again, working nights again and so will have no contact with anyone outside of work or the flat for at least the next four days (probably more) and I feel, once again that I just need to make major changes in my life but just don't know what to do or where to start!
I've checked my email tonight and there are no responses from jobs and no suitable new job vacancies that I can see.
I need cheering up!
MAJORLY!!
MAJORLY!!
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