Downer

I'm feeling pretty lonely and on a bit of a downer tonight. I really wanted to go out this weekend, but just could not face doing it alone. I stayed in tonight and nursed my bad knee. It is still hurting. Yes, the ache has turned into pain and, although it is a mild pain, it is still pretty annoying and it won't go away. To top it off I've had a headache since I got up this morning and I sure hope it is gone by the morning.
I was bored too tonight and wanted to watch a film. I've seen all of my DVD's at least 20 times with one exception. Brokeback Mountain. I love this film so much, but it depresses me every time I watch it. It is such a hopeless tale and yet, I would give anything to have been one of those two guys. Just to experience that feeling of love.
Is it worse to love someone, but to not be able to express that love and to repress it so much that you only get to be with that person for a few days each year? Or to never feel that love for anyone (and never have that love felt for you)? Who knows which is worse? But neither should have to be the reality. For anyone.
If you haven't seen this film I urge you to see it, at least once. Make sure you have plenty of tissues and when it is finished, just have a long hard think about what these two men had to endure in their lives. I guess I am lucky to have the freedoms that I have today, but is it worth it if I don't have the love that those freedoms are meant to support?