Great Night Out

Despite not being sure that I wanted to go out last night, I had a really good time. I went out expecting to spend the night on my own, but as I walked past the Duke of Wellington on my way to Rupert Street I heard my name being called out and saw Tim outside the Duke with Chris. So I joined them for the evening. We were joined by another friend of Tim's, Niall, who turned out to be a really nice guy. During the night we visited Comptons, G.A.Y. Bar, Rupert Street and then went to Barcode, where we stayed until closing. At one point I saw Alfredo, but he was on his way home. I do quite miss hanging out with him as he is a nice guy, though he did want sex EVERY time we went out.
I was a bit merry by the time I left Barcode and gave into temptation and visited Chariots. I wish I hadn't as it was pretty uneventful and I could have saved £15, but once I'd done my business I came home, getting in at about 04:30!!
This morning I woke at around 09:30 but stayed in bed until about 12:30. I don't plan on doing much today, just for a change!!

Orbital

I went out late this morning to get my fix of comics and brought them from the newly relocated Orbital Comics. It wasn't quite where I thought it would be (the map they had provided wasn't particularly good) but I eventually found it. The new place is huge, but quite poorly let, and smells of paint at the moment (but I guess that can't be helped). I was going to treat myself to some discount comics (they had loads on sale before they moved for 10p each), but I guess they got rid of most, in not all of these. I still managed to spend £21 which wasn't too expensive. I have done little else today though.
I am about to begin getting ready to go out tonight, though I am still not really in the right frame of mind. I need to get out though, and you never know I may have a good time. Shock horror!!

What Are The Chances That I'll See Someone Like This Tomorrow?

A Night In

I eventually decided to stay in tonight as I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to be spending the night out in Soho cruising on my own. I just know I would have ended up at Chariots, looking for some form of attention. I guess I will either go out tomorrow or Saturday night. I'll try again tomorrow to treat myself to some new comics to help put me in the right frame of mind.

Shall I? Shan't I?

I was intending to go out tonight, but I really don't know if I feel like it any more. I am getting ready to go out just in case, so who knows, I may go out anyway? I may as well go out, it's not as if I've done much else all day!

Frustrated

I am getting really frustrated today, for some reason more than normal. Earlier today I could not get a good picture on any channel on the television in my room and almost put my fist through the screen (I managed to divert my fist at the last second and whacked the side instead). This afternoon I can't seem to get onto any website that I want. I have been trying to view a few of my regular blogs and my laptop just seemed to freeze for about 15 minutes while one site loaded over 400 items only to leave me with a blank screen, except for the wallpaper. Luckily this time I managed to refrain from punching the laptop and instead I sat there cursing the bloody thing for five minutes. The laptop problem could be because two of my flatmates are in and they could be using the internet at the same time, using up all the bandwidth (or whatever the technical term is!). More reasons to want to live on my own (or at least not with 5 flatmates!).

Another Strange Dream

Yep! I've had another.
This time all I can remember is that I had composed a musical, or at least written songs for a cartoon film or television show starring lots of Mr Men & Little Miss type characters (none of whom I can remember the names of, though one was a small fairy-like character with a name something along the lines of Mary Fairy [yes it was a cartoon character and NOT a drag queen!]). Once again when I awoke it felt really real and I was excited at the prospect of MY musical doing really well! Perhaps I should give it a go!

Realisation

I have come to the realisation that my life has been in a real slump for the last few years. Probably about 10 years. Ever since I began living on my own, maybe even before that. It probably began from a lack of local friends when I first moved to Barnstaple, a move instigated by imagined pressure to gain promotion, even though I personally didn't want it (and wasn't ready for it). Living alone in a new area without knowing many local people, I began internalising and to rely only on myself. After my mum died later that year I began to get into debt and so had less money to get out of whatever place I was living in at the time. I failed at my job in Barnstaple and moved to Hertfordshire and began to drift from job to job and flat to flat, getting more and more into debt and still knowing no one local, and having moved away from the good friends that I did have.
I was in a slump by then that meant I had no enthusiasm to do anything. I began eating the same things every week, going to the same places (normally cruising areas and saunas), and still not getting to know any new people. By this time I also began to resent leaving the comfort zone of my own home, i.e. going to stay with friends or family, so I began to visit them less and less as well. I was gradually cutting myself off from the few people I had left who were close to me.
There was a brief period when I began to resolve some issues, while I was working at HSBC, as they provided a short course of counselling sessions and I began to take anti-depressants at the same time. I changed my work pattern to give myself more time off. I began to socialise in London, eventually moving to outer London, gaining some new friends in doing so.
Some habits have just stuck though. I have no hobbies outside of home. I do no exercise. I still basically eat the same things week after week. I have very little variety in my everyday life. I haven't had a foreign holiday since 1992. I have very few local friends, and none that ever want to do anything except go out drinking. I still resist visiting friends and family as I don't like sleeping anywhere except at home, despite how uncomfortable my old mattress is.
So, I think you will agree that I AM in a slump. I have no idea how to get out of it at the moment. But, once I resolve my debts, which should happen towards the middle of this year, I will have the funds to help me do something. Here is what I think I need to do in the very near future to help resolve my slump:

• Settle my debts
• Improve my home essentials (bed, mattress, television, computer)
• Visit my friends and family more often
• Get out to different places (not just pubs)
• Save for a holiday (Australia?)
• Increase my social circle (hopefully that won't mean having to spend time with my work colleagues outside of work, or my flatmates outside of the flat!)
• Rejoin the gym (for exercise and a different social scene)
• Vary my diet, start cooking more (rather than just microwaving), try new ingredients
• Search for a new flat and throw a flat-warming party

At least these are somethings that I can start working towards.

Despite all that I have stated above, I am not feeling depressed at the moment, just a bit down. If you understand depression then you will know the difference. I think it has something to do with being bored at the moment (as I'm off work and don't have anything to do), and the fact that I am getting frustrated at not being able to find a new job. Hopefully this will pass very quickly, I'm back to work next Monday.

Out & About

I went out for drinks last night with Tim. I started off in Rupert Street before meeting Tim in the Duke of Wellington. This was the only bar all night in which I saw anyone I remotely fancied. After the Duke we went to Comptons, G.A.Y. and then back to Rupert Street (as Barcode was out of cider!). We also noticed that the Yard was closed, and wondered if it was being refurbed or was a victim of the Credit Crunch (I am so sick of that term!). After Tim had gone I was weak and went on to Barcode (surviving on Red Bull) for a couple before getting bored and a little morose and coming home.
Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Tim, but I do wish I had a few more friends in London to hang out with. This is why I have been giving serious thought to moving back to Torquay, because I know I have a couple of great friends there and tons of other people that I know to talk to. It just doesn't have any jobs at the moment that interest me (where does?). I went to bed feeling a bit sorry for myself.

When I woke up I was quite excited because I had been dreaming about an idea for a television program. I remembered having the dream once before and then forgetting the details, and as I woke up more I began to forget them again. All I can remember, and I know this sounds really naff now, is that it was a sort of cross between X-Factor and It's a Knockout! Next time I have that dream I shall have to remember to write all the details down immediately. That is why I keep a pad and pen at the side of my bed.

Any Excuse

As it is Australia Day today, I thought that I would continue my tradition on this day to share with you some of the sexiest men Aus has produced:

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY

I'm probably just about too late to catch everyone in Aus in time, but

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY

to every other Aussie in the world. Have a great day. I think I may even go out for a few drinks myself tonight!

Being Human

A new series began this week on BBC3: Being Human. The adverts for the show made it look like a sitcom or light drama, when in fact it is a well written, superbly acted and thought provoking drama series with hints of comedy. It has been marketed as a supernatural This Life and, having just watched the first episode, I can see why. It is a strong drama that focuses on the lives of three flatmates who happen to be a ghost, a werewolf and a vampire.

Exploring human emotions and situations through the eyes of the superhuman (sub-human?) is an unusual medium for studying social situations and interactions but it works.

Annie, played by Lenora Crichlow who you may remember from Sugar Rush, is a likable ghost who has to deal with grief from beyond the grave over the loss of her fiance when she died and the fact that he has moved on since. I guess this is the same as dealing with a relationship that has ended against your will and you are being forced to watch as your ex moves on with their life. Her confidence waxes and wanes like the Moon which affects her ability to be seen by the real world.

Speaking of the Moon, George, played by Russell Tovey (famously NOT the new Dr Who), is a werewolf who has difficulties during his "time of the month" and also lacks confidence in himself at all other times of the month too. He also has feelings of guilt over surviving when he was transformed, when another man died. He is the moral compass of the group but has he secrets in his past that he has kept hidden?

And finally, Mitchell, played by Aiden Turner, is a vampire. Typically handsome, alluring and sexy. He has spent hundreds of years surviving while fighting his urges, analogous to an addiction, for drinking blood. With a local network of vampires attempting him to do their work he has to fight temptation and peer pressure to do what is right. He also has a psychotic ex (who he "turned") to contend with.

All three have come together through circumstance and forged a fairly strong friendship. Will the friendship survive their various individual trials? Look beyond the supernatural nature of the characters, which the excellent writing allows you to do easily, and you will see a modern social drama series that will soon become a cult hit moments before becoming a more commercial hit.

Bad News Turns Good

My day started off pretty badly when I received a letter in the post explaining that one of my creditors had not received any payment from me since October. All in all £225 had gone missing somewhere as I had deffinately made the payments from my account. I was a bit angry at first and then embarrassed once I looked into it. I had mistakenly set up the payments to go to the wrong account! The company had not provided any account details to pay to, so I had set up the standing order to the only sortcode and account number I could see on their initial letter (this turns out to be the account I had defaulted on initially!). Ooops!! What an idiot.
Anyway, after topping up my mobile phone (as I had to phone a premium rate line to sort it out) I called the company to see what could be done.
It turns out that they were very helpful and accomodating. My account, for this payment is on hold, briefly, while I sort the missing payments out with my bank. I made arrangements to pay my other debts with them from next month and found out that one of my debts will be less than £10 after the last Bains & Ernst payment goes through, so I'll pay that off completely next month. Another debt will be just £265 which means that I will be able to clear that in just over 2 months.
It seems that all my debts are coming to an end and hopefully I will be clear of debt completely by the end of the year. If I had stayed with B&E that certainly wouldn't be the case as they were charging me £85 a month for the privelidge of paying through them! If I hadn't been so lazy over the last few years and sorted this out beforehand I possibly could already be debt free! That'll teach me.
So, anyway, as long as my bank can reclaim the missing £225, the horrible letter I received this morning will have turned out to be a blessing and a reassurance. How's that for being positive?

Does it Make Me a Bad Person?

I am perversely happy that I wasn't the only person to be annoyingly woken up by the workmen outside this morning. I have just spoken to Jessica, one of my housemates, who was also woken rudely this morning by the very early start that they road workers made. Strangely though, Alex, who has the room in between us, didn't hear a thing. Lucky bastard. I have been tired all day, and still feeling bunged up, so I haven't left the flat all day and have done absolutely nothing.
I MUST get out at some point over the weekend. I'm not particularly short of money this month, far from it in fact as my licence renewal is going to be half of what I thought it would be. I am waiting to see what exactly how much I take home in next months wages before I spend the difference though. (Now that our roster had changed I will be working about 16 shifts a month instead of around 19, so until I know for sure what I take home I shouldn't spend the spare money I have).
If I do take home enough money in next months wages though, I will treat myself to a new television with the spare money. I am getting sick of not being able to get a decent picture on any channel as I don't have an external aerial port in my room. So, cross your fingers for me.

I Just Wanna Go Back to Bed