Quick Day At Work - For A Change

I wasn't looking forward to going into work this morning, the first day back after a few off is always bad, but the day actually went quite quickly. This was mainly due to the guard we had training with us today. He typifies the type of guard that my employer takes on, useless! They will basically employ anyone who has a security licence (which the SIA seem to grant anyone as long as they pay their £245!
This particular guard was 1/2 hour late, because he said he couldn't find the site and got lost on the way from the tube station (which is 2 minutes walk from us), he them proceeded to have a go at one of my colleagues saying that he should have been escorted from the tube station. Not that we would have done, but no one told us he was coming today anyway! He was meant to be here yesterday!
After his second patrol of the building he fell asleep in the control room, twice!
He had a morning half hour break and then went to lunch at 12:30. Now, we are paid for our breaks, as we may need to be called, so we are not expected to leave site. They make an exception for lunches saying 15 minutes is plenty of time to get food and come back to site to eat it. We are given an hour for lunch in total.
This guy did not return to site until 15:00, 2 1/2 hours later, as he had something to either post or collect from DHL! He had not gained permission for this from anyone, and no one knew where he was until he phoned up 1 1/2 hours into his absence to say he was on his way back from Tower Hill!
He got back on site with no hurry in his step and then changed out of his coat just as leisurly. When he eventually got to the control room he was shocked when he was informed to get his stuff and go home, and that his pay stopped when he left at 12:30. He told my boss that he couldn't tell him what to do as he was "only a f*****g supervisor" and he "wouldn't be rude if this was outside in Brixton!" A threat if ever I heard one!
He was escorted off site and banned from the building. He is not the first guard to be escorted off and banned, and I'm sure not the last unless my employers pull up their collective socks and employ decent guards for our site. And people wonder why I get embarrassed sometimes when I "admit" to being a security officer, this guy is an example of what a lot of people think of when they envision security, and unfortunately sometimes it is still true.
We all had to write separate reports of what we individually saw and heard and so the afternoon happily went quite quickly.