The Year Ends with a Whimper

I have now finished work for this year and so am free to party for New Year's Eve for a change. Unfortunately, I don't know of any parties to which I can go, don't fancy going out on my own and, as you probably know by now, I am not a fan of NYE anyway. It is just another night which we are forced to enjoy ourselves on, even if we have no one to enjoy it with. Blah, Blah, Blah!

I really hope that next year is a better one for myself, but also for my friends and family.
This year my niece Mikala, lost her stepfather (who had raised her from a very young age with my sister) and his father died too.
My sister, Maxine, who is Mikala's mother, had a hysterectomy because of a possibility of cancer, which recent tests have thankfully said are clear.
My good friend Tim had a terrible 3-storey fall and was lucky to survive, but has now had his cranioplasty and so should be fine and back back to work within a couple of weeks.
Hopefully, next year will be better for them all.

Personally, next year, I really need to get a new job, that is all I can really aim for. Everything else I want is unlikely to happen.
I could go on holiday, I might even be able to afford it, but I don't know if I want one or if I am just giving in to peer pressure from people telling me that I should. I don't see the point of going on holiday on my own, which is probably the only way that it will happen.

I want to move, but that is dependant on me getting a new job and knowing where I am working, what hours I am going to be working and most importantly, what I will be able to afford.

I also need a relationship, just to help me to feel like a normal person for a change. I often feel like such a freak because I don't have relationships, and haven't had relationships. I don't even date. I think it is because I am scared to let anyone get close because I have been hurt by friends and potential partners before and could do without that happening again. But, I realise that without taking a risk, it will never happen.
I normally realise too late who could be a good partner though. Remember Alfredo? I really liked him. He was good looking, sexy, dressed well, communicated well, had charisma, a nice job with ambitions and a nice flat. We got on well and talked easily. I didn't keep in touch because he seemed to want sex every time we met up and that is definitely NOT what I want. I sent him a text to wish him a merry Christmas last week and did not get a reply. I don't know if he has changed his phone or is just ignoring me. I can't expect much more as we haven't spoken in about 9 months!
I am so incredibly lonely sometimes. Let's hope that 2010 ends that loneliness.