The Year Ends with a Whimper

I have now finished work for this year and so am free to party for New Year's Eve for a change. Unfortunately, I don't know of any parties to which I can go, don't fancy going out on my own and, as you probably know by now, I am not a fan of NYE anyway. It is just another night which we are forced to enjoy ourselves on, even if we have no one to enjoy it with. Blah, Blah, Blah!

I really hope that next year is a better one for myself, but also for my friends and family.
This year my niece Mikala, lost her stepfather (who had raised her from a very young age with my sister) and his father died too.
My sister, Maxine, who is Mikala's mother, had a hysterectomy because of a possibility of cancer, which recent tests have thankfully said are clear.
My good friend Tim had a terrible 3-storey fall and was lucky to survive, but has now had his cranioplasty and so should be fine and back back to work within a couple of weeks.
Hopefully, next year will be better for them all.

Personally, next year, I really need to get a new job, that is all I can really aim for. Everything else I want is unlikely to happen.
I could go on holiday, I might even be able to afford it, but I don't know if I want one or if I am just giving in to peer pressure from people telling me that I should. I don't see the point of going on holiday on my own, which is probably the only way that it will happen.

I want to move, but that is dependant on me getting a new job and knowing where I am working, what hours I am going to be working and most importantly, what I will be able to afford.

I also need a relationship, just to help me to feel like a normal person for a change. I often feel like such a freak because I don't have relationships, and haven't had relationships. I don't even date. I think it is because I am scared to let anyone get close because I have been hurt by friends and potential partners before and could do without that happening again. But, I realise that without taking a risk, it will never happen.
I normally realise too late who could be a good partner though. Remember Alfredo? I really liked him. He was good looking, sexy, dressed well, communicated well, had charisma, a nice job with ambitions and a nice flat. We got on well and talked easily. I didn't keep in touch because he seemed to want sex every time we met up and that is definitely NOT what I want. I sent him a text to wish him a merry Christmas last week and did not get a reply. I don't know if he has changed his phone or is just ignoring me. I can't expect much more as we haven't spoken in about 9 months!
I am so incredibly lonely sometimes. Let's hope that 2010 ends that loneliness.

31st December

LGBT people born today:

1948 – Joe Dallesandro – US Actor

1962 – Jennifer Higdon – US Flautist / Composer

And those who died:

1944 – Felice Schragenheim – German Freedom Fighter – Born 9^th March 1922

1950 – Xavier Villarrutia – Mexican Poet / Playwright – Born 27^th August 1903

1993 – Phil Andros – US Author – Born 23^rd July 1909

1993 – Brandon Teena – US Hate Crime Victim – Died 12^th December 1972

1994 – Leigh Bowery – Australian Performance Artist – Born 26^th March 1961

30th December

LGBT people born today:

1901 – Beauford Delaney – US Painter – Died 25^th March 1979

1910 – Paul Bowles – US Author / Composer / Translator / Photographer – Died 18^th November 1999

1915 – Sverker Astrom – Swedish Diplomat

1956 – Mike Lawlor – US Politician / Professor / Lawyer

1961 – Douglas Coupland – Canadian Author

1962 – Kevin Greening – UK Presenter – Died 29^th December 2007

1963 – Michelle Douglas – Canadian Activist

1964 – Sophie Ward – UK Actress

1978 – Ivelin Yordanov – Bulgarian Politician

1980 – Jason Dottley – US Actor / Producer / Screenwriter

???? – Lex Kyler – US Porn

And those who died:

1948 – Denton Welch – UK Author / Painter – Born 27^th March 1915

Defying Gravity - Goodbye

I watched the final episode of this season of Defying Gravity on iPlayer last night and feel cheated that there will be no more. The show was intended to go on for more seasons (I am guessing at 1 season per "object"), but it has been scrapped already. In the USA they didn't even bother showing the whole series initially, I guess that we were lucky that they did over here.
I really would have liked to have seen what other challenges the crew faced, but I'll shut up now because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it as, I believe, the sets have even been destroyed, so there is almost no chance that another production company could take over the story. Oh well. It was the same with Invasion (with Eddie Cibrian), there were no answers there either. Let's hope that Ty Olsson "pops up" in something else very soon.

I also watched the first part of the latest remake of Day of the Triffids and was a bit underwhelmed. The characters were not likable and the plot very tenuous (surviving a plane crash by surrounding yourself with 10 inflated life jackets?). I will, however, watch the second part tonight to see if I can begin to care about any of the characters.
I was amused to see that Genevieve O'Reilly was in it though. She recently appeared in Spooks as a CIA agent who killed her boss by throwing him from the top floor of a building into the atrium. I was amused because she was based in the same building in this program too (it is very distinctive). I was also amazed to realise, upon checking up on her on Wikipedia, that she was the actress who portrayed Mon Mothma in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, I would never have recognised her.

29th December

LGBT people born today:

1898 – Elsa Gidlow – US Poet – Died 8^th June 1986

1914 – Billy Tipton – US Pianist / Saxophonist – Died 21^st January 1989

1933 – Joseph Maher – Irish Actor – Died 17^th July 1998

1957 – Paul Rudnick – US Author / Playwright / Screenwriter

1960 – Sean Martin – Canadian Cartoonist

1966 – Jason Gould – US Actor / Director

1973 – Vince Rockland – US Porn / Musician

1977 – Dave Brinson – UK Politician

1978 – Alexis Amore – Peruvian / US Porn

1979 – Ariel Schrag – US Cartoonist

And those who died:

1994 – Frank Thring – Australian Actor – Born 11^th May 1926

2001 – Cassia Eller – Brazilian Musician – Died 10^th December 1962

2007 – Kevin Greening – UK Presenter – Died 30^th December 1962

Christmas Wish: Granted

I don't have much to report from my first night back at work last night, as nothing happened. Nothing EVER happens! But I realised that I did get granted a Christmas wish. One of the guards at work really annoys me. When you ask him a question he finds it impossible to give a "Yes" or "No" answer and always has to go into a whole novel of an explanation for anything. He is also very difficult to understand sometimes, English not being his first language, and also finds it difficult to understand others. I really have to watch what I tell him to do, as he will do it to the letter of my instructions, even if the situation changes. He is totally incapable of using his common sense or initiative. I have had to defend his job several times as people above me have wanted to sack him for his mistakes and lack of communication skills, but I am now going to give up. I've defended him for a year and he will not take any advice so he is now on his own.
Anyway, back to my Christmas wish. I always get frustrated and close to pure anger when he starts talking and talking and talking and never gets to the point and just wish that he would shut up sometimes. Well he was on the shifts preceding and following mine yesterday and he totally ignored me when I said "hello" and "good morning" to him. For a grown man I think that is pretty pathetic, whatever slight I may have done to him. All I can think of is that he didn't like it when I, in exasperation told him that he really needs to shut up sometimes, as he talks too much. It was rude, but I needed to get through to him. As I said earlier, sometimes he obeys my instructions to the letter. I just hope I never have to speak to the useless f*ck*r ever again.

The Wonders of Hamlet

Having ne'er read Hamlet nor seen it in play or televisual form, I would not have been tempted to watch the production presented on the BBC o'er the Christmas period had it not been for the presence of one David Tennant. I know tis a sad state of affairs that brings a fellow to watch such a classic tale of misfortune and deceit only because of the fame of an actor, but good fortune it was that I did.
I was wary of watching also because of the length of the piece. But, as I was watching under the pretence of work (i.e. via iPlayer whilst sat in the control room at my place of employment), I knew that I would have to separate my viewing into sections anyway, and thus I viewed this marvel in three sittings, making it much more palatable to such an ingrate as myself.
Most, who have read at all, know that the wondrous words of the author, a fellow by the name of Shakespeare, have spread in influence o'er the centuries since first they were spoke. But little did I imagine how many phrases of common usage had been spoke here within this play alone. Phrases used by such folk as I, as well as titles of other pieces, endeavouring to gleam an ounce at least of the adoration of the masses that the original pensmith inspired.
And inspired is too true as, with the viewing of this performance, I was left with a willingness, nay, a longing, to view hence some further work of such that I had just witnessed. Oh, to have the company to share such a delight with. Alas, I fear that, should I be thus treated to view such a splendour, that I will view it alone within the crowd and be unable to echo the wonderment of it all, in true justice, to any I may meet and who may listen after the fact.
In resolution, for now is the time of year to forge such commitments, I will make attempts to view such pleasures in their native environment, and hope to encourage some known gentlefolk to accompany me hence, e'er we obtain some learning and entertainment and share an experience to remember all our days.

Cliff notes available upon request!!

The End of Doctor Ten - Part 1

****Possible Spoilers Beyond This Point****

I have now watched "The End of Time - Part 1" twice, the second time without the interference of family squabbling in the (not-so) background and, as with the previous Master story am slightly under awed with the Master himself, and subsequently the story as a whole. I am not a huge fan of any character whose whole personality is "he is insane!" I need more. So you can understand how disappointed I was when I heard months ago that he would be returning to the Who-verse.
The whole episode was filled with flaws, but still had me hooked as, ever since it was revealed that the Doctor was the last of the Time Lords, I have waited patiently for the inevitable return of other Lords and / or Ladies. The glimpses in this first-parter was enough to make me enjoy the episode despite its flaws.

I was disappointed with the reveal of who had actually picked up the Master's ring at the end of "The Last of the Time Lords," though there is still time for this to be rectified in Part 2. I was unhappy with the resurrection ritual for the Master itself, which I felt could have been handled a non-magical way and hope that the mention of the Book of Saxon will not be ignored in the second part. I was also disappointed with the multi-powered Master, a plot-turn that was unnecessary. And I felt uncomfortable with the incestuous fawning of father and daughter (David & Abigail Naismith), which I am sure wasn't just in my mind.

I knew a while back that Timothy Dalton was due to play a Time Lord, and as yet we do not know his name, though I feel that I may have had a premonition when the titles ran after Part 1! I did not know for certain that there would be a whole Time Lord resurrection storyline though, but felt that the credits shown for the cast of the two-parter, in the media and television listings publications in general, gave certain hints towards this. Maybe I am wrong, but having characters in Doctor Who called "The" anything, sort of hints that they could be Time Lords (THE Doctor; THE Master; THE Rani), and in this we have THE Partisan & THE Visionary. It certainly piqued my interest (as if it wasn't already) when I saw these "names."

Part 2 should, hopefully, include a final resolution of the Donna Noble story, in which I am afraid to say I expect her to die (as the premonition that the "most faithful" would die from the last series never actually occurred.). I am guessing that the Time Lord personality that it repressed in her memory, and which is coming back to the forefront of her mind as of this episode, will be the spark that is needed to reignite the life of the Time Lords, or something along those lines. And what of Wilf. Previously, the Doctor thought that Donna was the most important being in the whole of creation. But what if he was wrong and it wasn't her. What if it was a relative of her? What if it was Wilf who was the most important?
I could be wrong though as, in a repetition of the previous end-of-series-finale, all and sundry seem to be popping back to show their faces in the second part of this story, including Sarah-Jane Smith, Rose Tyler & Captain Jack, so it could be one of these three (though I can't see them killing off Sarah-Jane Smith, what with her having her own show and all!).

Overall, I want to refrain from "slagging" this episode off until I have seen the second half, but on its own it wasn't RTD's best work by far, which is a shame for David Tennant's departure. Let's all hope that the finale has more than a redeemable effect on Part 1, lets hope it has an explanation for ALL the flaws.

As for those people who have been moaning about Timothy Dalton's excess of saliva, have none of them been watching Mr Tennant at all? He spits everywhere, in almost every episode, and so did John Simm in this episode, AND he had food in with his projectile sputum! So knock it off.

I am looking forward to New Year's Day for the Dr Who episode alone, as it will mark the beginning and the end, as all New Year's tend to. Hopefully, it is the end of the great and the beginning of the better. With Mr Moffat at the helm I am hoping for brilliance indeed and more spine-chilling moments that we all know he can provide.

28th December

LGBT peple born today:

1888 – FW Murnau – German Director – Died 11^th March 1931

1916 – Willmer “Little Ax” Broadnax – US Singer – Died 1994

1927 – Simon Raven – UK Author – Died 12^th May 2001

1944 – Antoine Bodar – Dutch Author / Priest

1956 – Birgitt Bender – German Politician

1963 – Malcolm Gets – US Actor

1966 – Eric Evans – US Porn

1974 – Jason Ridge – US Porn

And those who died:

1924 – Leon Bakst – Russian Painter / Costume Designer – Born 10^th May 1866

1928 – Edward Perry Warren – US Art Collector / Author – Born 8^th June 1860

1965 – Jeremy Wolfenden – UK Journalist / Spy – Born 26^th June 1934

1986 – Terry Dolan – US Politician / Activist – Born 1950

2004 – Susan Sontag – US Author / Activist – Born 16^th January 1933

27th December

LGBT people born today

1901 – Marlene Dietrich – German / US Actress / Singer / Entertainer – Died 6^th May 1992

1932 – Fritz Klein – US Psychiatrist / Activist / Sex Researcher – Died 24^th May 2006

1944 – Bob Brown – Australian Politician

1961 – Guido Westenhoefer – German Politician

1962 – Joe Mantello – US Actor / Director

1973 – Tobias Billstrom – Swedish Politician

1973 – Caesar – US Porn

1973 - Wilson Cruz – US Actor

1978 – Trent Atkins – US Porn / Diving

And those who died:

1989 – Arthur Rhames – US Musician / Singer / Composer – Born 25^th October 1957

1991 – Herve Guibert – French Author / Photographer / Journalist – Born 14^th December 1955

1993 – Michael Callen – US Singer / Songwriter / Composer / Author / Activist – Born 11^th April 1955

2003 – Alan Bates – UK Actor – Born 17^th February 1934

I'm Back

I got back from my Very-Essex Christmas about an hour ago and am glad to be back in my own room able to do my own thing (even though that is unfortunately getting ready for work). I enjoy seeing my family, but staying there three nights is not my idea of a good time as I like my home comforts too much, such as being able to hear the television when I am watching it, not being subjected to random exchanges of gases every 10 minutes and not having to play peacemaker between squabbling siblings every 5 minutes.
My sister has a new puppy that I hadn't seen until I went down there on Christmas Eve, which she got about 3 months ago. Her name is Lexi and she is so adorable, though she does bite a bit too hard when she is playing. I'm used to cuts etc on my hands from playing with Frank, so I didn't mind.
I even managed to get a couple of useful presents this year, which is unusual. Lynn, who I was staying with, got me the usual bottle of Southern Comfort and a case of Strongbow cider cans (which, although nice, is not good as I do not drink at home, which I have told her several dozen times, AND it meant that I had to carry them home). She said she considered getting me some bedding (which I told her was a wonderful idea, as I need some), but instead she also got me a metal thing that hangs over your door so that you can hang things up. It is from a range of home accessories by that camp television duo Justin & Colin, and has the immortal slogan on it: "Well Hung". I got that home today and as I tried to get it on my bedroom door (which was too thick for it), the metal snapped making it totally useless. Oh, well.
My other sister, Maxine, got me a fantastic soft, fleecy throw, which I used Christmas morning for a while as I was cold. The best present off of family for ages.

The kids all seemed to like the presents that I got them, which is always preferable to me than getting presents myself anyway, so I was happy with that.

I DID manage to watch Dr Who, although there was some talking during the program so I will probably try and watch it again tonight at work. Yep, that's right I am only just back from my sister's and I have to start night shifts already. Crap isn't it?!? I will probably talk more about Dr Who tomorrow, or after the New Year's Day episode. Right now I am going to see if I can get some sleep.

26th December

LGBT people born today:

1716 – Thomas Gray – UK Poet / Professor – Died 30^th July 1771

1956 – Simon Fanshaw – UK Presenter

1956 – David Sedaris – US Author / Playwright / Comedian

1973 – Reichen Lehmkuhl – US Air Force / Model / Actor / Reality TV [Amazing Race]

And those who died:

1973 – William Haines – US Actor – Born 2^nd January 1900

1998 – Hurd Hatfield – US Actor – Died 7^th December 1917

2001 – Sir Nigel Hawthorne – UK Actor / Director – Born 5^th April 1929

2002 – Herb Ritts – US Photographer – Born 13^th August 1952

Thank You

My thanks and best Christmas wishes to Ray for bringing this video to my attention:

MERRY CHRISTMAS

25th December

LGBT people born on Christmas Day

1908 – Quentin Crisp – UK Author / Actor – Died 21^st November 1999

1917 – John Minton – UK Painter – Died 20^th January 1957

1934 – Noel Tovey – Australian Dancer / Choreographer / Actor

1936 – Ismael Merchant – Indian Director – Died 25^th May 2005

1944 – Kenny Everett – UK Comedian / Presenter – Died 4^th April 1995

1944 – Noel Greig – UK Actor / Playwright / Director – Died 9^th September 2009

1949 – Joey Yale – US Porn – Died 18^th April 1986

1951 – Christine Kaufmann – US Politician

1953 – Joana Werners – Suriname / Canadian Author

1966 – Stephen Twigg – UK Politician

1968 – Matthew Rettenmund – US Author

1974/8 – Brad Benton [aka Dylan Vox] – US Porn / Actor / Columnist / Blogger

???? – Leo Bramm – Israeli Porn

And those who died:

1950 – Neil Francis Hawkins – UK Politician / Author – Born 1903

Hugs & Kisses

I went out last night, as I had intended to, and had an uneventful evening initially. I started in Comptons, or at least I tried to. After 5 minutes of standing at the bar looking at 3 barmen each unable to serve more than one person at a time, I gave up. I went to Rupert Street, then the Duke of Wellington. Neither were inspiring so I decided to try Comptons again. I managed to get the attention of a barman eventually only to find out that they were out of my drink of choice, so I left again and went back to Rupert Street and had a brief chat with Vlad before moving on to Barcode at about 23:00.
In Barcode I was beginning to get bored when I spotted a really sexy guy, good looking, big muscular chest and arms and dressed to best show off his assets, but not in a tacky way. I initially smiled and got a brief smile back and then lost track of him. There was no one else in there who was drawing my attention.
About 20 minutes later he tapped me on the shoulder and we started chatting. He is from Mexico, but lives in the USA and speaks perfect English which is always handy. We eventually left together with no real plan of what we were doing. In the end we went back to his hotel in Gloucester Road.
After some "heavy petting" we moved to the bed, and things went wrong. At least for me they did. He wanted to have sex without a condom, as we were "both clean!" I didn't want that and so felt uncomfortable from that point onwards as he brought it up several times. I decided to leave and got a taxi home. A disappointing end to what could have been a nice night and a great Christmas present. I did however get my Christmas kiss and was held in his arms for quite a while, so I guess, as that is all I wanted out of my evening, I am happy.

I only have a slight headache this morning, which is great news, so I am going to have a shower and shave in a minute before packing my hold-all and heading off to my sister's place in Essex for Christmas. I won't be logging on to the blog from there, so I want to wish everyone a great Christmas and I will be back on the 27th.

24th December

LGBT people born today:

1837 – Hans von Marees – German Painter – Died 5^th June 1887

1930 – Robert Joffrey – US Dancer / Choreographer / Director – Died 25^th March 1988

1939 – Dean Corll – US Serial Killer – Died 8^th August 1973

1946 – Brenda Howard – US Activist – Died 28^th June 2005

1950 – Deborah Glick – US Politician

1958 – Bob Smith – US Comedian / Author

1959 – Lee Daniels – US Producer / Director

1968 – Jim Roth – US Politician

1969 – Jim Slade – US Porn

1981 – Sophie Moone – Hungarian Porn

???? – Riley Burke – US Porn

And those who died:

1959 – Edmund Goulding – US Director – Born 20^th March 1891

1982 – Louis Aragon – French Author / Poet – Born 3^rd October 1897

1986 – John Damien – Canadian Racing Car Driver – Born ?

1990 – Pat Bond – US Actress – Born 27^th February 1925

1994 – John Boswell – UK Author / Historian / Professor – Born 20^th March 1947

2002 – Nizah Morris – US Entertainer / Hate Crime Victim – Born 1955

What To Do?

I was planning to go out tonight into Soho, for a last taste of gayness before spending Christmas with the family. I am wondering if it will be worth it, or if I will look even more like a sad old queen than I normally do, going out to the pub on my own with no one in particular to meet.
I really feel like I need some physical contact from someone, not sex, but a good long hug or, at the very least, a nice snog. So, I guess, as a Christmas present to myself I will go. I just hope I do not feel more depressed after I've been out than I do now.
I normally get myself a Christmas present every year, if I can afford it, but have yet to do so this year. I suppose that my eye surgery could class as the present, or my recent purchase of a television, but they just do not feel like Christmas presents. Then again, I don't know what to buy for myself. I know what I want, but unfortunately it can't be purchased.
Maybe next year.

Early Christmas Presents

Just thought I would share with you some of my very favourite guys.

MERRY CHRISTMAS