The ideal recipe

Fruit Cake Recipe

You will need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whiskey.

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl.

Check the whiskey again to be sure it's the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still ok. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fired fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a screwdriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Next sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey again.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 dregrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out the window.

Check the whiskey again and go to bed.