The Most Inspirational Person in My Life

As I said last week, Monday is the Day of Heroes. Today I dedicate my blog to my greatest hero, my Mum.
There is alot of stuff I don't want to go into here, but she was amazing. Even though she died nearly 7 years ago I am still learning, and realising, new things about her.

My father died when I was 7 leaving my mum alone to bring up four kids. I was the youngest with my brother 12, and my sisters 14 & 16. I really don't know how my mum managed, financially or emotionally. I know she had to fight to get her widow's pension initially, but she always had a full time job, and occasionally a part-time one too.

She was on her own for a long time after, on and off, and a lot of the time it was just her and myself living at home. I never got around to telling her that I'm gay, as I had the feeling that she wouldn't approve, though I know she knew, and I know she would also love me no matter what. I just didn't tell her, I think, because I ddn't want to disappoint her.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realised that my mother had suffered from depression too, not surprising given her circumstances. I also know she had at least one major breakdown. None of the four of us kids made things easy for her; I was really lazy and spoiled, my brother was a bit of a rebel, breaking things and getting trouble with the police at least once, the younger of my sisters was a real brat, she took my dad's death really hard and developed self-confidence problems, and my eldest sister felt put-upon and left home as soon as she could to go to become a nurse.

Mum was taken for granted by us all, we believed she would be there whatever, and that we didn't have to treat her as well as she deserved. I can't imagine any of us coping as well as she did under the same circumstances.

As I said, she died too early a few years back from cancer. It was a shock, I didn't see it coming, although I should've. She'd had a hysterectomy when I was still at school and I believe this was linked. She had suffered all her life, firstly from very mild spina bifida (a small hole in her spine), she suffered also from migraines (which, according to last weeks news could've been caused by a small hole in her heart too), and she also suffered from arthritis and rheumatism. Each one is a major thing on its own for one person to deal with, I can't imagine dealing with all of the above myself.

I miss my mum, and wish I could tell her how much I admire her for all she did for us all, and how she coped with all the things she had to deal with in her life. She is a true inspiration and I hope I can be a fraction of the inspiration to someone, maybe my nephews or nieces, that my mum is still to me.

I love you mum, my biggest hero and my longest companion. I hope you were happy most of the time and I hope I didn't disappoint you too much.

XxX