A Need to be Held

Work last night has got me on a bit of a downer and the episode of Sex and the City that I've just watched didn't help. It was the one where Miranda's mother dies. It reminded me of when my mum died. Miranda doesn't have a "date" for the funeral and so, after the service is walking down the aisle out of the church all on her own.
When the service had finished for my mum I wanted to get a hug from someone. Unfortunately my eldest sister, Lynn was in the arms of her husband. My brother, Kevin, was with his wife. And even my other sister Maxine, whose (first and now ex-) husband was unsociable, and hadn't been in the hall for the service, was outside waiting for her. I remember standing there, outside among the flower tributes turning in a full circle looking for someone there to support me and there not being anyone. I walked over to a bench on the other side of the pathway, sat down and just bawled my eyes out to myself. And I felt guilty because I was feeling sorry for myself when I should have been thinking about mum.
The really sad thing is that my mum died 12 years ago and I still have no one to give me a hug and haven't had in all the time in between.
Sometimes you just need a hug. Sometimes that is ALL you need.