A Need to be Held

Work last night has got me on a bit of a downer and the episode of Sex and the City that I've just watched didn't help. It was the one where Miranda's mother dies. It reminded me of when my mum died. Miranda doesn't have a "date" for the funeral and so, after the service is walking down the aisle out of the church all on her own.
When the service had finished for my mum I wanted to get a hug from someone. Unfortunately my eldest sister, Lynn was in the arms of her husband. My brother, Kevin, was with his wife. And even my other sister Maxine, whose (first and now ex-) husband was unsociable, and hadn't been in the hall for the service, was outside waiting for her. I remember standing there, outside among the flower tributes turning in a full circle looking for someone there to support me and there not being anyone. I walked over to a bench on the other side of the pathway, sat down and just bawled my eyes out to myself. And I felt guilty because I was feeling sorry for myself when I should have been thinking about mum.
The really sad thing is that my mum died 12 years ago and I still have no one to give me a hug and haven't had in all the time in between.
Sometimes you just need a hug. Sometimes that is ALL you need.

Do I? Or Don't I?

It is almost half five in the afternoon and I am undecided as to whether I am going to go out tonight. If I do go out I won't be leaving until about 20:00 so I have a couple of hours. I haven't been out for ages, as I mentioned yesterday, so I could do with getting out (I'm going a bit stir crazy). I swallowed my pride and once again asked if Tim fancied a drink tonight. Unfortunately, but not totally unexpectedly, he isn't able to as he is driving back from Cardiff tonight. I don't really have anyone else that I can call as a drinking buddy (anyone else I could phone would also expect sex, which I am not interested in with any of them).
I shall decide in a while, my potential outfits are ready to go if I do decide I want to risk it. I'll let you know.

Need To Socialise

I think I really need to get out. I've (stupidly) just worked out that I've not been out for over a month (21st August) when I went to the gym with Zek and then we went for a meal. I'd gone out the night before in Soho but that was on my own. The last time I actually went out for drinks (not on my own) was 25th July, that's almost 2 months ago now! So I think I am due a night out. I just have to work out if I am going to be out alone or if I risk the possible futility of asking my friends if they are free!

Better Work-Out

I went to the gym again this afternoon and made sure that I had a better work-out. I focused on my arms and chest again, to make up for yesterday. I worked hard, taking shorter rest and doing up to 3 different sets together to keep my interest up (i.e. 10 x dumbbell chest presses, 10 x barbell raises and then 20 x leg raises). I still only worked out for an hour, but I felt that I had achieved more (though I am still not aching as much as when I work out with Zek, then again I didn't do any heavy barbell work).
I'm not feeling as bad as yesterday, but I am still on a downer. I really need to get out.

Michele Ann Nelson

Michele Ann Nelson

7th December 1973 – 11th September 2001

Michele Ann Nelson was a benefits specialist, working in the Human Resources department of Cantor Fitzgerald in the World Trade Center. She had been there since 2000.
Michele formerly worked at J & W Seligman and County Seat Stores and lived in Valley Stream, New York.

She left behind a younger sister – Monique, and her mother – Mrs Winsome Nelson, along with a vast network of family and friends.

Some words used frequently to describe Michele were:

Beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, thoughtful, caring, punctual, giving, forgiving, positive, & spiritual.
Once again, for me, it is difficult writing an honest tribute to someone who I never got the chance to meet.

The overwhelming impression I get from the tributes that I have seen and the thoughts that have been written, is that of an incredibly caring person who always thought of others. Whether it was giving good advice to someone considering quitting college, or kind words on the death of a co-worker’s relative, she made a difference just by being her own caring self. She is an example that we should all follow.

Michele seemed to make an impact on the lives of everyone that she met. Even brief acquaintances were influenced by her shining example of how to live life. Even now, 8 years on, her example is being spread via her family and friends, and via tributes on the internet that give a multitude of examples of the kindness, generosity and her incredibly caring nature.
Excelling in her studies at school, graduating from Pennsylvania State University, then Baruch College of the City, Michele was constantly trying to improve her skills, shown also by her attendance of New York Restaurant School, from which she posthumously graduated in December ‘01.

I think that we can all learn from the example that Michele set during her brief life. She had a mantra that she would repeat three times a day:

"This is the day the Lord had made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Please take time to read tributes left to Michele and her family at Legacy.com and at the memorial site set up by Cantor Fitzgerald. And don't forget all the other victims of that terrible day, all of whom will be paid tribute to via Project 2996.

Michael John Cahill

Michael John Cahill

I originally honoured Michael John Cahill in 2006 for the Project: 2996 tribute and have been granted the honour again. As before, I hope this tribute honours him as much he deserves. Grief is such a personal thing it affects us all in different ways. Grief can affect you for people you do not know as well as those you do. I have experienced a fair amount of loss in my life, but you can never truly equate your loss with that of someone else. It is also difficult to pay tribute to someone you didn’t know and never met. All you can do is research and hope you get all the facts straight.

Michael John Cahill was in Tower 1 of the World Trade Centre, based on the 99th floor. This floor was in the upper area of where the first plane hit the tower.
I can’t even begin to imagine what Colleen, his wife, must have been thinking when she first heard the news and saw the pictures.
Michael was 37 years old and, from what I can tell, a REAL family man. He had a wife he loved and two young kids who he loved spending time with and wanted to be a good role model for. To this end he rejoined his high school cross country running team as its captain, as he believed that sports were important in their development.
Michael worked hard, often out of his house for more than 12 hours and regularly taking work home with him, but his family knew that it was all for them. Colleen, his wife said, "We knew we came first. He would always make a point to tell me, 'I know it's hard for you being home with the kids,' so he would always make time to be with them so I could take a break."
Even his sister, Denise Troise, was amazed at her brother’s devotion to his family, saying “I can’t even imagine a more dedicated father and husband.”
He was known for his weekend barbecues which usually brought together his close-knit family, neighbours and friends.

Posthumously, Michael has been awarded a promotion to Managing Director by his firm, Marsh & McLennan. He has also been awarded the Dean Award from St John’s University Law School, from which he graduated in 1991.
But, possibly the most telling award made to this loving family man is the bench and plaque placed in his East Williston village green by his friends and neighbours, and the fact that around 1000 friends attended the memorial mass at St Aidan’s Roman Catholic Church in Williston Park.
Jim & Evelyn be proud of your son, you must have done good raising him.
Colleen be proud of your husband, you picked a good one. One who loved you enough to spend time away from you to provide the things you needed and deserved.
Connor & Fiona, be proud of your daddy. He was a good man. Ask your family about him. Find out all that you can and fix him in your mind, that way, he will always be with you.

You will never forget.
We will never forget.
Michael John Cahill

Please don't forget to check out Project 2996 for all the other tributes that have been made today to honour those who died on that awful day.

Brandhorst-Gamboa Family

Daniel Brandhorst / Ronald Gamboa / David Gamboa-Brandhorst

On this horrid anniversary the story of the Brandhorst-Gamboa family is both a heart-rending one. Daniel and Ronald met about 13 years prior to 9/11 while living on the US east coast. When Daniel got transferred to a Pricewaterhouse/Cooper office in Los Angeles, the couple moved to facilitate this and with Ronald eventually settling as a manager of The Gap store in Santa Monica.
The couple adopted a son, David, through a surrogate mother, looking after her during the pregnancy, birth and afterwards. Initially needing some help as all new parents so, they quickly settled in to become natural parents, Daniel becoming "Papa" and Ronald "Daddy" to the beautiful, bright, energetic and very caring young boy. Daniel was variously described as happy, inspirational, a good friend and generous, but was also the "serious one" in the relationship. Ronald was the joker who could apparently "make a rainy day look happy." Both parents have inspired their co-workers to greater things and are remembered fondly by many of them, some of whom have had their lives changed dramatically by the advice given by the two men. The one thing that can be taken from this terrible day is that in the end the loving family were together.

I would have been honoured to meet the trio who, even though they are gone, stand as examples to show the bigots still out there that a family is what individuals make it and does not need to be formulaic or standardised. Some of the best families are those which are chosen, not moulded. The Brandhorst-Gamboas are fine examples of all that a family can and should be and should be used as role models for gay marriage, gay adoption, happiness and good parenting.

To read an incredibly touching tribute to David Gamboa-Brandhorst please visit here.

Please also visit 2996 Project to read about all the other victims of this terrible day. Every one has a story.

Too Much?

I did my usual abs workout this morning when I got up and then got a text from Zek asking if I was still on for going to his gym (the Moorgate one) tonight at 18:10 (when he finished work). He'd mentioned it on Sunday, but I had assumed that he meant next week. I agreed to meet him, but then after my aborted trip to the West-End I had nothing else to do so I decided to go to my gym and do a cardio session. I was only in there for 45 minutes as I didn't want to overdo it today.

I met Zek outside the Moorgate gym and he swiped me in on his card (I should have paid to get in as my membership only covers the one gym). It is a massive gym, all above-ground (which seems unusual for a gym) and is very smart and open-planned, but this isn't a plus point for me as I like my privacy when I'm working out. It was really busy, being just after work time and so there were people waiting for machines and benches etc. I just felt like I was in the way, so didn't really enjoy myself. And there wasn't even a steam room or sauna (or at least not all-male ones).

The only real plus point of this little trip was that I got to see Josh Lewsey (former England rugby player and stunningly sexy guy) who was running a training session there. He is as gorgeous in person as he looks in photoshoots. Very nice indeed.

Actually none of these pictures do him justice.

9/11 - Help Required

Like last year I've realised late that 9/11 is coming up again. I checked out the 2996 Project to see if they needed any more tributes this year and unfortunately they need loads.
So, if any of you bloggers out there have some spare time, can do some research on someone you don't know and would like to post a tribute to one of those victims of that atrocity that don't currently have a tribute then check out the site, register for a name and post your tribute on 11th September on your blog. Please help this projet out as there are still over 200 people without tributes this year still.

Thanks for "listening."