Hamster's Wheel

Shitty Week

2012-01-28T18:33:00.003Z

I'm not having a great week. I've had a bit of a cold recently and the annoying cough that came along with it is lingering a bit, I've had it all week. It's pissing me off so I can only imagine how it is annoying other people, especially my flatmate Terry.
I've also developed a cold sore cluster on my lip since Thursday, just in time for the weekend that I booked off. So, no sex for me this week.
On top of that though, I worked out my finances and realised that I have just £3 left to last me until the first Friday in February! Not good, it meant that I was not able to go to watch the Steelers today (well, I could have watched, but not socialised afterwards, so there wasn't much point, especially with the cold sore as well).
Then, I worked on a presentation for my second interview that I have next Tuesday. I started it at work on Thursday and Friday and sent it home, via email, so that I could continue working on it. Unfortunately, my version of PowerPoint at home is different to the one at work, which (being a novice to PowerPoint) confused me for a bit. I finally finished it but my printer is now not working.

The thing that has made the week a REALLY bad one is that I got a text from my sister Lynn yesterday while I was at work, telling me that my uncle Barry's brain tumor is malignant. I was in shock for a few minutes. Both my sisters stayed with my uncle's (decades long) girlfriend Ann for a couple of days before finding this out, so at least she had some support there. I don't have a good feeling about his prospects.
For those that don't know, my dad died of a brain tumor when I was a kid, my mum died of ovarian cancer about 12 years ago and Barry and my dad's brother Peter died last year from leukemia, so it looks like there is a very good chance that I and my siblings are all genetically predetermined to develop cancer.

My interview is next Tuesday, so let's hope that next week is better.

Fairly Productive Day

2012-01-25T20:10:00.005Z

Today I've done more than normal, which doesn't mean much when it comes to me as I am quite lazy on my days off.
I started the day by packing up some super-hero figures and posting them off as I'd sold them via Gumtree. More space created and a little bit of money made. If the buyer likes them he may buy some of the remaining Star Wars stuff I have.
I also prepared some comics for a potential Gumtree buyer, fingers crossed for that.
I did grocery shopping, preparing for going back to work tomorrow.
I also had a good chest and back session at the gym, and a bit of flirting in the sauna afterwards too, shame that the changing room was so busy at that time. I am feeling incredibly horny now.
To top it all off I chased up about my interview last week, to find out if I had a second interview or not. I had to leave a voicemail message, but got a phone call back later and a confirming email to tell me that I HAVE got a second interview. It will be next Tuesday and I have been sent 6 documents relating to a single incident and I have to prepare a presentation for the interview.
Pretty straight forward really, I just have to decide if I want to attempt a PowerPoint presentation, as I've never done one before. I've read through 2 of the documents so far and made notes of the pertinent points, I'll compare the details for each document and use the data that is consistent and then decide on the rest of the data. The trouble is, I am working for 2 days (tomorrow and Friday), then I am watching the Steelers play and participating in a Quiz night with them on Saturday (so will probably be hungover on Sunday) and I have to send my presentation in advance on Monday by 16:00. Not a lot of time, considering I have trouble concentrating at home, but I should manage it okay. I'll have plenty of time to consider all the data at work tomorrow and Friday and maybe even begin writing the presentation. I will try and set up a PowerPoint presentation during Sunday (if I've finished writing it), just to give myself options for the actual presentation.
More news is that my uncle, diagnosed with a brain tumor last week, had an operation today and the reports that I've had back from my sisters are that it has gone well, so far. We will have to wait and see what happens now.

The Interview

2012-01-17T17:13:00.003Z

Sorry guys, I forgot to update you yesterday, but I had other things on my mind.
I began to get nervous about an hour before I set off. I got to the building about 20 minutes early, which turned out to be okay and we started the interview early.
I was asked a few questions: i.e. the usual "Give and example of when....." questions.
Then I was had to read 6 different paragraphs and say if 4 statements for each paragraph were true, false or that there wasn't enough information.
Then I had to go through 39 pairs of words to say if they were synonyms or antonyms for each other.
Finally I had a geography test, which I messed up. There was a map of Europe with 16 countries highlighted and I had to say what each country was and name its capital city. I was so embarrassed to only get 14 points on that one.
Altogether I think I did okay, but we will see. I should find out by next Monday, at the latest, if I get a second interview or not.

I had received a call while I was in my interview, luckily I turned the ringer off. When I got out I found out it was from my sister Lynn. I phoned her back and knew instantly that something was up. I told her about the interview and then asked her what was wrong. She had just found out that my uncle has a brain tumor, which is twice as upsetting as normal because that is what my dad died of when I was a kid. We had a bit of a chat, both getting a bit upset (which was a bit embarrassing as I was still in Canary Wharf, having just left the interview). He is having an operation on Tuesday and so we will find out then if it is benign or malignant.

So, all in all, a lot on my mind at the moment.

Steelers Matches

2012-01-15T21:06:00.003Z

Yesterday there were 2 home matches for the Kings Cross Steelers, their second and third teams (I didn't even know they had a third team!). I was off work so wanted to attend both, but the first was kicking off at 11 and I didn't manage to get my act together, to leave home, until about then anyway, arriving just before midday. I watched what remained of the 3rd's match, which turned out to be a few ex-players and some new guys playing against a gay team down from Derby, the Panthers, on a smaller makeshift pitch. The Steelers lost. Sexy Ed was there watching so I chatted to him for a bit and also to another guy called Jordan.
I then waited around for the 2nd's match to start. It was originally due to start at 2, they sent out a Facebook message and email saying it had been rescheduled for 1, but then it started at about 2 anyway. I was wrapped up warm but my toes were freezing by this point. I barely managed to survive the match. During the 2nd's match I chatted briefly to a few more people, I like that I'm getting to know more people the more matches I attend. One of the guys was Niall, who is also quite sexy, and also lives close to Clapham. Douglas was also there (I was really spoiled for choice with sexy men), but he seemed really interested in the guy he was there with, David, who was gorgeous.
As soon as the match had finished and the teams were clapped off the pitch (the Steelers won) I walked quickly back to the clubhouse to warm my tootsies up. It took a while for anyone I knew well enough to talk to to get there but I was chatting to lots of guys pretty soon.
It turns out that there was also a party there that night, for a player called Daz's birthday. It had a Family Guy theme and although a few people dressed up, some in great costumes, it didn't matter and everyone was invited.
I won't go into details for the night, mostly because I can't remember much detail, but I know that I got called up to the stage and stood on a chair for a drinking "forfeit," my first one. I feel like I'm beginning to belong. I vaguely recall making a trip to the cash machine and take-away during the night, and snogging some guy I'd never met before (and him not really being my type) before getting the Tube home with a group of about 6 guys and all having a very loud sing-song nearly all the way home (apologies to the other passengers on that train). I got in had some food (thankfully) and went to bed just after midnight.

What a fantastic day and night, I loved it!!!

I had a lay in this morning and suffered only a headache, likely and added 2 friends on Facebook during the day today, thanks to the party last night. I was tempted to request a few more (like Niall and Doug's gorgeous mate), but think I will wait until I've got to know them a bit more first.

YES!!

2012-01-11T21:52:00.002Z

I was back at work today and almost changed my mind on the way there as I felt dizzy and disorientated just walking to the Tube station. I felt the same at work for the first couple of hours, but stuck it out and eventually felt back to normal. I think I may just have been a bit weak from lack of food.
By the afternoon, having been checking my emails every hour or so, I was beginning to think that I'd messed up my chance at the only interview offer I've had in 4 years. Then, after my final break of the day I saw I had an email telling me that I had another interview next Monday. Phew. I was so relieved. I'm so glad that I didn't have to chase him up.

Typical

2012-01-09T21:39:00.002Z

I mentioned yesterday that I had bagged myself an interview today. Typically something came along to scupper that. I thought that I had been a bit nervous yesterday as my stomach was feeling a bit delicate.
I went to bed at around midnight and just could not get comfortable and felt a bit feverish. After about 3 hours of failing to get to sleep I had to get up and realised that I had food poisoning or something. I hardly got any sleep at all through the night, moved from my bed to the sofa and then back again in an attempt to get comfortable, to no avail.
When it got to 9:30, when my alarm went off, I called the guy who was meant to be interviewing me and left a voicemail to say that I wouldn't be able to attend. I was so annoyed that it has taken me 4 years to get an interview and this fucked it up. Luckily he got back to me later and said we should be able to reschedule it for next week. Fingers crossed that it can be.
It is now nearly 22:00 and I am only just beginning to feel a bit better. I still have stomach cramps, but have managed to keep a sandwich down. I've called in sick with work for tomorrow, which is obviously not ideal as I don't get paid for being sick, but I need time to recover.
Trying to look on the plus side, as long as I DO get a rescheduled interview it does give me more time to prepare for it.

I'VE ONLY GONE AND GOT AN FLIPPIN' INTERVIEW

2012-01-07T22:13:00.003Z

When I went to work on Thursday night, I saw an email from the Ops Manager to one of my colleagues telling him about a vacancy. The job itself sounds very similar to what I used to do before I got sacked 4 years ago and what my business was too, so I should have a good chance at it.
The colleague it was meant for wasn't interested but one of the other supervisors and I both were. He has an interview on Thursday and so I applied as well, sending my CV in when I got home on Friday morning.
When I woke up yesterday afternoon I saw that I had an email telling me that I have an interview for the position on Monday afternoon. I couldn't believe it. I've been applying for jobs for 4 years and this is the first interview I've been offered. I am really nervous, but I'm going to have to look at it as interview experience. Even if I don't get the position it will be a great chance to practice my interview technique.
I really should have been doing some research today for the job (finding out about the company, brushing up on my geography, politics and interview questions, I should also have been checking out if any of my suits still fit and are fresh enough to wear on Monday, but I've just been too tired and hungover. Mañana.

Great Night Out

2012-01-07T21:25:00.003Z

I finished work at 7 yesterday morning and slept until about 3 in the afternoon when I got home. I really wanted to go out, even more so when I found out that I finally got an interview (more about that in another post). I asked Tim if he was about, but he had other plans, so I asked 3 other friends, only one was available, Craig.
When I was getting ready I noticed, or maybe imagined, that I have put on a bit of weight around my middle (the muffin-top area) and so didn't feel great about how I looked. I almost changed out of the tight t-shirt that I had on. Almost.
I met Craig in Rupert Street and then went on to Profile and then to the Village, I've not been in there for years. While we were in there a straight woman started talking to us and told me that I was so good looking that people would be too intimidated to talk to me, which I thought was hilarious. Craig was a bit put out, as he has confidence issues and is always telling me how people are attracted to him etc etc. He asked her if she thought the same about him and was even more put out when she said that he WAS approachable. We went on to Comptons before ending up in the Duke of Wellington, where I had a bit of a snog with a young guy.
What I really loved about my night was that, in almost every bar I saw someone else that I knew well enough to talk to, which is really unusual for me.
Craig went home after the Duke and I went on to Profile and, although I was there alone, had a good time wandering around talking to a few people, including a gorgeous straight guy who was there with his girlfriend and kept looking at me and smiling, and enjoying the music (also enjoying watching Ben Brown dancing in just his jockstrap!).
I then walked to Vauxhall (I was obviously drunk) and went to Chariots where I had some fun with several guys before heading home and getting in at 09:45!!!!!!!!!! I slept until about 4 and have just wasted the rest of today vegging out on the sofa with my headache and stubble rash.

My New Year's Eve

2012-01-01T14:45:00.004Z

I finally decided to spend my New Year's Eve with Humberto, as he was the only one of my friends who was actually going out somewhere. He said he was going to be in Kazbar, but I later found out that he wasn't going to be there until 21:30, so I stayed home until then, becoming more and more tired as time went on. By the time I actually left home I was really tired. Kazbar was its usual unexciting self, though I did see Marcus, a friend who now lives in Barcelona, in there briefly before he headed off to The Eagle (I couldn't persuade Humberto to change location to there).
Soon after I got there, Humberto told me that after we had gone to the river to watch the fireworks he was going straight home to cruise on Grindr for drunk and drugged up hunks who would normally turn him down for sex! Great. I almost went home there and then, but didn't.
At just after 23:30 we went to Vauxhall, found out that Barcode there was charging £15 entry, which none of his friends were willing to pay, so we didn't go in. We then crossed the road and went onto the "beach" to watch the fireworks which were great.

We all then came back to Kazbar and stayed for an hour, then I came home. All without a decent midnight kiss. Oh well, next year I am going to a decent venue, with some decent music, and hopefully with a larger group of MY friends.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2011-12-31T21:02:00.003Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR one and all.

I am off out in the next 30 minutes to meet Humberto in Kazbar. It is certainly not my ideal place to spend New Year's Eve, but I was left with little choice, as I wanted to go out. All my other friends are staying in, so it was either Kazbar, stay in or go out to a venue that I like, but on my own (certainly not ideal for New Year's Eve).
Next year I hope I have some more adventurous and, dare I say it, fun friends. I'll make do this year, and at least it is with a fun friend. We are intending to head down to Vauxhall for midnight to watch the fireworks. I'll let you all know how it goes and, most importantly of all, if I get a decent midnight snog!

Busy Day (For Me Anyway)

2011-12-31T12:03:00.004Z

Yesterday was a fairly busy one for me. It started with a Grindr friend coming over for sex. I then went into Soho to get my hair cut for the New Year. I went on to Marks & Spencer and spent my gift vouchers on a pair of smart shoes for work / interviews. I then came home and had lunch before going to the gym where I had a good work out and a bit of a fumble in the showers with a fit guy that I've seen in there a few times (Logan Schmitz was there working out too). I then did a bit of grocery shopping on the way home. On top of this I did two lots of washing, updated my CV (yet again), applied for yet another job and did some editing on the Marvel Wiki. A busy day for me.
I've still not decided what I am going to do for New Year's Eve yet, none of my friends are going anywhere that particularly excites me, and none of them are hanging out together. I'll have to chose one friend and make do.

Christmas Bonus

2011-12-30T23:20:00.003Z

I'm a few days behind with news, but I thought I'd share some good news that I had recently. As you may know I worked through Christmas, not by choice but because that is how my shift pattern fell.
I worked 4 days shifts starting on Christmas Day. I had to get a lift in from the mobile supervisor on Christmas Day, as we have no public transport in England on this day, which meant that I had to get up at 04:30, as I was told that I would be picked up at 05:00. I was in fact picked up at 06:15, so you can imagine that I wasn't best pleased.
On Boxing Day the Tube workers were on strike, how convenient for them, and the buses didn't start until 08:30, so I had to get an early lift in again. This time I was indeed picked up at 05:00 (well, a little earlier in fact, luckily I was ready). The following day was also a Bank Holiday, but I was able to get the Tube in, so "only" had to get up at 05:30, which is usual time for me.
None of the managers were back to work until the Tuesday, my last shift of the year, and I was pleasantly surprised when mine came into the security office and handed me an envelope. Initially I expected bad news and thought it would be a suspension letter for some infraction that they had imagined I had committed. I was almost in shock when I saw that it was a gift of Marks & Spencer gift vouchers as an apology for the mess they made of my wages at the beginning of December. I saw it was £25 and was even more shocked, then I pulled it out to take a closer look and saw that there were 2 of them. £50 in vouchers is the highest bonus I have had for almost a decade, and the only bonus in the last 6 years. I was almost speechless.
It didn't last long, as I spent them today on a pair of work shoes. But, hopefully, these new shoes will help to create the right impression with the first interview I get in the New Year. January is all about getting an interview (the first step towards getting a new job). I've already re-re-jigged my CV, with tips from a friend of mine, Bonnie. So, fingers crossed, 2012 will be the year of my new career, as 2011 was the year of my new home (though hopefully the change this time will come sooner than August this time!).
I guess I'll just have to wait until 2013 for the year of my new boyfriend!!

Count Your Blessings

2011-12-26T19:23:00.004Z

I've just been brought back down to Earth with a bump. I was feeling sorry for myself at having to be in work over Christmas with my bosses messing up all the arrangements for getting my colleagues and I here. I then read a status update from my cousin Santa on Facebook and was reminded that she is having a much tougher time.

My uncle, her dad, has just been diagnosed with dementia, five days before Christmas. Santa has known for months that he was deteriorating but couldn't get a diagnosis from doctors about it until this week. On one hand, I guess it was a relief just to know what it is, meaning that there is more chance of doctors knowing how to deal with it. On the other hand, no one wants to know that their parent has dementia.

Apparently he was asking about his parents and sister (my mum) today and Santa had the unpleasant task of telling him that they had all passed. I don't envy her at all. Sometimes he also forgets who his wife is, though Santa says that he still remembers her at the moment.

Not that I am trying to turn this into something about me, but I do have quite a bit of empathy for Santa, having gone through similar experiences when my dad was ill before he died, though I was only 7 when he passed, so I don't remember a great deal of detail.#

He had a brain tumour which caused him to revert to a child-like personality. He often thought that my mum was his mum and I remember one upsetting time at the dinner table when he finished his meal and began to lick his plate clean. My mum chastised him like a child and I became really confused and upset by this.

For most of the time while he was really ill I was too scared, or maybe just confused again, to be left alone in the room with him. One time, when my mum went to answer the front door, I was left in the living room with him and she told to watch him. Instead I went and stood in the doorway between the living room and the hallway and while I was there my dad got out of the armchair, lost his balance and fell into the television and dented the wall with his head. I then had to help my mum get him back into the armchair, bear in mind that he was over 6' tall and overweight through illness and inaction, my mum was only 5' 5" and I was 6 or 7. Not an easy task. Unfortunately this is one of only a handful of memories that I have of my dad, about half are of when he was ill.

Santa has a tough time ahead of her, but hopefully my uncle will get some medication to ease his symptoms at the least. I'm going to do some research on the internet to try and get her some support while she deals with this awful situation. On top of this she has three kids, that she is raising on her own, and a job that she has only just started at. Hopefully her friends, which I know she has a lot of, are being supportive for her, she’ll need it. If anyone out there knows of a good UK-based organisation that I can recommend to her, please let me know.

Christmas Stress, Yet Again

2011-12-24T18:34:00.003Z

Once again work is stressing me out, even though I am on my days off. I am meant to be back to work tomorrow, Christmas Day, but have no way to get there. I told my manager when I was at work last week. I emailed him twice with my address and postcode. I also sent the same details to my Ops Manager. I've not heard a word back from either of them. After sending so many emails I don't feel that it is my job to chase them up further.
So, tomorrow I am going to get up at about 5:30 and be ready to leave at 6:00 if they don't turn up I may just get the day off (though I doubt I will be that lucky).
Last night I was woken at 02:00 by a text coming through on my phone, I then couldn't get back to sleep as I was stressing so much about it all. I think I eventually got back to sleep around 4:30.
This morning I didn't get up until midday and I've been in a foul mood ever since. I can't wait until this whole bloody Christmas shite is over and done with for another year. I remember last year, I said to my work colleagues, "If I am still working here next Christmas I am going to kill myself!" Obviously I've not done it ...... yet.

MY Christmas

2011-12-22T22:33:00.003Z

Yesterday was a very tiring day. I worked the night shift from Tuesday night and finished as usual at 07:00. By this point I'd been up since 16:00 the previous day. I had a shower, and rearranged my bags to make everything more manageable.
I got a Tube to Tower Hill and then got a train from Fenchurch Street to Southend Central (where I had a large box of food, donated from work, that I was delivering to Sean of Hampers Against Hunger). When I got to Southend I realised that it would be too far to walk to Sean's place while carrying all the stuff I had. I decided to get a taxi. When I got there he invited me in, but as I had the taxi waiting I declined, which I felt guilty about (especially as I wanted to know more about how I could help further).
I then got the taxi back to the station and got a train to Basildon, where my sister Maxine collected me. I stayed at hers for a few hours, enduring the 5 dogs (which messed up my clothes with their dirty feet and slobber, as expected), and then my niece visited with her three daughters. I had decided to give them my collection of Smurf toys that I have had stored for years. What I didn't realise was that they LOVE the Smurfs! They absolutely loved the presents (I packaged it as one small parcel each and then a big one between them). I was a bit dismayed that they broke so many of them in the 2 hours they were playing with them, but then again they are only 3, 4 & 5 years old!
After they went home Maxine took me round to my other sister's for dinner. We had a really nice evening there and I was taken to the train station in Grays at about 21:00 for my train home. I got hom at around 22:30 having been awake for over 30 hours. I was knackered. As
soon as I got into bed I was asleep. What a long, but fantastic "day."

Strictly Well Done

2011-12-18T16:47:00.005Z

Because I was working last night, I've only just caught up with the Strictly Come Dancing finale. Somehow I managed to avoid seeing who the winner actually was until I just watched it on playback. In the end my favourite won:

Mr Harry Judd

Since the start of this year's series I've liked Harry, seeing that he could dance from the very start, and hey, he's obviously VERY easy on the eyes.

But, I was also really surprised by how good Chelsee Healey was and all credit to her, I couldn't tell who was actually going to win this year.

There is something special about Harry Judd though. He is one of those gorgeous straight celebrities that, no matter how much I would like "do" him, I wouldn't change him for the world. He seems to be a very special guy, such a great personality. He, along with Ben Cohen, is a guy that I am greatly attracted to but I would never want them to be gay, I love them just the way they are. Perfection.

Well done Harry

Christmas Lead-Up

2011-12-18T15:01:00.006Z

A couple of weeks ago Tim sent out a text to a group of his friends suggesting we all meet up for a meal before Christmas. I thought it was a wonderful idea, as all we ever seem to do is go to the pub. Unfortunately, at the time, I was skint (it was around the time work was messing with my wages), so I declined. I managed to turn my finances around a bit and finally accepted the invite. No one else had accepted the invite though, other than Niall, but the three of us decided to go out anyway.

We went out on Friday night, meeting first in Rupert Street for one drink before going to Imperial China in Chinatown. It was a lovely restaurant and the food was great, and good value too. Afterward we went to the Duke of Wellington, after finding that Comptons was closed due to an earlier power failure in Soho. It was packed solid and so we had to stand outside in the cold, we were wrapped up though so it wasn't too bad. Tim and Niall went home after one drink, which I was a bit disappointed at, but I decided that I couldn't face the crowds either and went home too.

As I was coming up the escalator at Clapham North I heard a guy at the top coming down making a bit of a noise. When I saw it was Ben Harris (former Mr Gay UK and winner of the UK Playing It Straight television show), I had a big smile on my face, as I really fancy him. He saw me and smiled back and even turned around to continue smiling as he went down and I went up. It's the second time that I've seen him, maybe next time I'll be able to talk to him.

Last night I was back to work on night shifts, which was really annoying as it was also the night of the Kings Cross Steelers Christmas party. I really wanted to go, but couldn't get the time off. I've only seen one picture on Facebook so far, so don't know how it went.

While at work I took a quick look at the box of goodies that are being donated by work for Hampers Against Hunger. It is a massive box, and fairly heavy, which I'm not looking forward to having to lug all the way to Southend, especially as I'll have a bag of presents for my family to carry too. I think I am going to have to cut a couple of handles in the sides of it to help. Wish me luck.

Honest Is The Best Policy.......... Right?

2011-12-16T18:16:00.003Z

While I was at the gym today, having a fairly good legs workout. I noticed that there was a £20 note on the floor almost hidden underneath one of the cross-trainers. Before I knew it I was handing the note over to the receptionist. She said "Oh, she will be so pleased someone has handed it in," meaning that someone had obviously reported it missing. I was pleased that I had done a good deed, by handing it over, but also thought I was a bit of a mug for doing so, as no one saw me pick the note up, so wouldn't have known any different. I could easily have got away with it. Damn, why do I have to be such a goodie-goodie all the time? AND why couldn't I have found it on the street?
If I had found it on the street there would have been no way I would have reported it. Unfortunately the only money I find there tends to be small change, the most I have found recently was 21p in one go. I am in such a poor financial position that I pick up ALL money that I see on the street. Pride is long forgotten when it comes to my finances.
Oh well, let's just hope karma / kismet, whatever you want to call it, actually exists.

Hampers Against Hunger

2011-12-13T20:53:00.004Z

A friend of mine mentioned a charity, Hampers Against Hunger, in one of his Facebook posts about a week ago and it intrigued me. I've been searching for a suitable charity to help out for a few months. Something that I agree with wholeheartedly. This seemed to be it.

Basically, Sean, who conceived the idea, gets together donations of food and home essentials and distributes packs (hampers) to individuals and families who are not so well off financially. He gets nominations for people to donate to via various charities and churches.

I was inspired to help out, but wasn't sure what I could do (being skint as I am).

While at work on Saturday I suddenly thought that it couldn't hurt to ask there. I work at a building where the main client is a successful law firm, they have money. I considered my options and decided to send an email to the Client Services Manager, who is in charge of Reception, Catering and all other Facilities departments. I thought he would be in an ideal position to speak to all the various departmental managers to see what each could spare.

I was pleasantly surprised when I got a reply saying he would have a chat with me. I honestly had expected to either be ignored or the answer to be "No."

I spoke to him on Monday and it initially sounded like it would indeed be a "No," when I said that all I was hoping for was maybe a few cans that were due to expire between Christmas and New Year (when the catering departments are not in). This seemed to change his mind and he said he would probably be able to do something.

I got an email from him today telling me that they would be donating approximately £75 worth of stuff. I was amazed. I will collect it on my last night shift on Tuesday night and take it with me when I go to visit my family a couple of days before Christmas (my family are in Grays and Basildon, and the charity is in Southend, making it an hour and a half diversion, roughly).

It feels good to do good. I hope to be able to get some more donations to take with me too, I'm going to post on Facebook and see what my friends come up with.

Here's a photo of a story about Hampers Against Hunger from their local paper:

Stressed, More Stressed, Slightly Better, Stressed Again

2011-12-13T12:32:00.007Z

I have been amazingly stressed recently mostly caused by the same source (my employers). As you may have guessed (from my constant whining and moaning) I hate my current job. I have been short of money since I moved into my new flat, but when my employers neglected to pay me a days holiday 3 weeks ago, it left me £40 short of my rent. They refused to correct the mistake on the day, and it was still not in my account the following pay day. It wasn't until the pay day after that, when it wasn't paid AGAIN, that I finally got a direct payment into my account (though this was paid on emergency tax, meaning it was still about £10 short). During the first 2 weeks of this I had £2.44 left of my £1000 overdraft, and less than £5 change in my wallet. I was lucky to be able to borrow £40 from Terry and also lucky that I was able to sell some Star Wars toys on Gumtree, which was the only way that I was actually able to eat during the first 2 weeks of this hassle. I was close to tears on several occasions.

This weekend I had to manage a team that was short (because of my employers again), and deal with a mass of contractors working on several of the floors of the building. We had to abandon some patrols and were running late, but my "colleagues" were still taking extra time on ALL of their breaks and, when I confronted one of them, was told "If you don't like it, report me!" Which is exactly what I was trying to avoid as this makes things more difficult for the whole team. For my own sanity though I had to do it, so spoke to my manager on Monday. He was less than supportive, and so I doubt anything will happen about it, but at least I've told him and so the blame is off my shoulders.
Over the weekend I became aware of an organisation, Hampers Against Hunger, who are applying to become a registered charity, that provide packages of food and supplies for less fortunate individuals and families. I've been looking for a charity that I can really support for a while and so thought that I could do something for these guys. I sent an email to the Client Services Manager at work and asked if there was anything he could do, approaching him because he is a liaison between ALL the departments in the building, including the other tenants and facilities. He spoke to me yesterday and after a conversation which looked like it was heading towards a "No" he agreed that he could probably prepare a box of something. I felt really good after that conversation, and it made me feel better about the whole stressful period. I should have known it wouldn't last.
I got an email today from my manager telling me that by approaching the Client Services Manager it could be construed as bribery or corruption, all because I asked for donations of food that might go out of date before everyone gets back after the New Year. I've been told in no uncertain terms that all future requests should be put through him first (presumably so that he can take credit for it like he does with everything else I do there). I am fuming now and back to my previous high stress level. Bastards. Hopefully Hampers Against Hunger will still get the donation though.
Oh and another guard has gone from the site I work on too. We heard by email yesterday, the day before he was due to return after his rostered days off. There are only 10 regular guards on site now, "coincidentally" the new roster pattern that my employers have suggested "might" be implemented in the New Year, only requires 10 regular staff. Look how that turned out eh!

I am now off work for 4 days, having to go back on Saturday night, which is when the Kings Cross Steelers are having their Christmas party, as you can imagine, I am not going to be in a good mood that night having to miss what is probably going to be a great party with lots of chances of getting off with sexy guys in the team.
I do have something to look forward to though. I am going out on Friday night with Tim and Niall and we are going to have a meal, which makes a nice change from just going to a bar / pub every time.

Sex

2011-12-08T00:10:00.004Z

I've been doing well this week. I had a hook-up yesterday with a guy from Scruff. We were meant to meet on Thursday evening, but his work schedule changed and so he came over late yesterday morning instead. It was nice, but I don't think it will be happening again.
Tonight I had, what I thought was just a date with a gorgeous guy from Gaydar, Steve. We met in Kazbar and were chatting nicely, with no awkwardness at all. After the first drink we started kissing, initiated by him, and when we'd finished our second drink came back to mine (again at his initiation). I really like Steve, which is always a precursor to making me feel awkward in sex. The more I like a guy that more difficult I find it to relax when being intimate. I was feeling really self conscious. Therefore, it wasn't great and he left almost immediately afterwards, which I was disappointed at. Let's see if he stays in touch. I'm betting not.

:-(

It's About Time

2011-12-05T16:25:00.010Z

I've been a bit remiss lately in not posting pictures of hot guys (I know that's why most of you are here), so:All of these guys have something special, something that makes me go "WOW!"

Sexual Networking

2011-12-05T15:39:00.004Z

Like a lot of gay men I have profiles on a few hook-up sites:
Grindr, Scruff, Gaydar, Squirt, Manjam & Manhunt (probably along with a few that I've forgotten).
I very rarely actually ever hook-up with anyone from these sites. I prefer to check a guy out first before I make a decision about whether I like the guy or not. I like to see movement, behaviour, build etc to make a more informed decision. Profiles only allow you to see what the other guy wants you to see.
Lately I've been feeling incredibly randy, probably linked to my feelings of loneliness exacerbated by my lack of funds (meaning that I've not been getting out of the flat as much as I would like).
On Friday though, I had a local Grindr guy over for just a "blow-and-go." Hopefully he will come over again and return the favour.
I arranged a drink date with a gorgeous guy called Steve, via Gaydar, whose profile picture I've seen around for a few years (and always fancied). Though, due to my wages being messed up two weeks running I've just had to call off the drinks as I have less than £2 in my wallet. I hope I've not blown it with him completely.
Last night I also arranged a hook-up for this coming Thursday via Scruff. Marc is athletically build, 45 and slightly hairier than I am used to, but handsome, and has a very nice looking cock and arse.
Also on Scruff last night at around 03:00, I got a "woof" from another guy that I've seen profiles of for years and have always fancied. We had a little chat, as he couldn't sleep, so hopefully we can also meet up soon.

Hopefully this trend will continue, with my confidence increasing as my inhibitions decrease. I'll let you know how the meeting(s) go.

Last Full Day Off (Doing Nothing)

2011-12-02T17:49:00.004Z

I hardly slept last night, worrying so much about my financial situation. The more I couldn't sleep, the more wound-up and worried I was getting. I think I dropped off at about 04:00, but woke several times throughout the morning. I woke and got up at 09:30.
One of the first things I did this morning was to check my bank account on-line, as I wanted to know if the money missing from last week's pay had been paid in this week. As you may have guessed, if you have read any previous posts about my useless employers, it wasn't. So I sent a shitty email to the Ops Manager, who replied saying that he thought it would be in this week, but that I will have to wait until next week now. I have £2.44 left of my overdraft, and £5 in my wallet, to last me a week! I love my employers so much.
Another job applied for this morning, as well as one yesterday. What do you think the chances of me getting another job by Christmas, that's all I want this year (Santa, are you listening?).
No fun at the gym this afternoon unfortunately, though I had a fairly good workout.
This evening I've got the flat to myself, Terry is in Newcastle for the night, but have no one to share the night with. I so wish that I had someone to sit on the sofa with, watching crap telly and snuggling. Of course some sex would be nice too.
I did get a Grindr message from a cute 28 year old guy saying "into no chat, me coming over, u on your knees, blow me, I leave?" so I said yes. He came over, we did just that, and he left. I would have liked more, but the night is still young I guess.

Gym Fun

2011-12-01T20:55:00.003Z

This morning, I had a Grindr message from a cute local guy and thought I was going to get to have some early fun, but after I admitted to being only averagely sized (when he asked), he went quiet. I've been feeling horny since then.
I did another leg session at the gym this afternoon, but still didn't run as far as I did the other day. I don't think I'm gonna match that for a good long while, let alone beat it.
In the sauna afterwards there was a cute guy who I flirted with and we had a little fun before a third guy joined us. He was up for it but the first guy went a bit shy initially. We each were getting really overheated in the sauna, and had to take several shower breaks, going back into the sauna afterwards each time. Eventually the second guy blew the first, and then we all left as the changing room was getting really busy. I felt a bit hard done by, and incredibly horny. I've been on Grindr, Scruff and Gaydar all night since looking for someone to relieve me, to no avail. though I have possibly lined up a drink with a gorgeous athletic/muscular guy whose profile picture I've seen around for years. So looking forward to that, if it actually happens.
I think I'm gonna have to find some porn to watch before I go to sleep tonight.

It's (Way Passed) Time

2011-12-01T13:47:00.002Z

And not just in Australia either.

World AIDS Day

2011-12-01T11:34:00.004Z

It's Not Going Away

Grindr

2011-11-29T19:36:00.004Z

Having nothing to do today, apart from the gym, I was intrigued to get a message on Grindr from someone that was actually attractive (unusual for me). It turned out that he was visiting a "friend" across the road from me, literally. I decided that I should accept the invitation to "have my bollocks drained." When I went over I found that the "friend" was not my type at all, but I didn't have to interact with him at all and the guy who contacted me on Grindr alternated between the two of us. I didn't hang around when we'd finished. It was okay but not something I shall be repeating with those guys. Later, when I was in the gym, I saw the friend in there and we nodded a "hello" to each other.
I didn't have as good a workout as yesterday, my shins were killing me the moment I started running, so only managed 1.25km. I was a bit disappointed. My left bicep also started hurting after about 45 minutes, I think I strained it a bit, so I couldn't complete my workout. I'll see if I can manage a workout tomorrow, though I may have to wait until the evening anyway, as someone from Gumtree should be coming round to have a look at my remaining non-vintage Star Wars figures, as well as someone buying the remaining vintage stuff too. So, I'll be getting at least £100. I really could do with the money as work has short-paid me again by one day, meaning that I don't currently have enough to pay December's rent. I've told work that I want my missing money with Friday's pay, but I am not holding out much hope (they normally delay as long as possible with short-payments). We'll see.

Great Session at the Gym

2011-11-28T16:56:00.003Z

Today is the second of my 6 days off work and I am really stuck for things to do, especially as I am short of money. Yesterday I did manage to get £65 from a buyer on GumTree for my vintage Star Wars figures. Today I confirmed a buyer for the vintage Star Wars vehicles and accessories which means I should get £100 on Wednesday. Money that is all desperately needed (as otherwise I would have had less than £10 to last me 2 weeks).
I went to the gym earlier this afternoon and wasn't sure when I went in what I was going to be working out. I started, as usual, with a treadmill run. I started off at my usual 13.5kph pace but my shins were killing me so I slowed down after 1km to 10kph. My shins stopped hurting and so I decided to go for as long as I could. I was really impressed that I managed 4km, which I think is a record for me. My breathing was okay, which surprised me as my throat is still clogged with phlegm, and I felt that I could have probably gone on, but my back was really killing me, so I stopped.
I followed this up with a full-on leg work out and was working out constantly for about an hour and a half. I was really happy with the whole session. I am aiming to go to the gym every day this week, as I am off and have nothing else to do.

The Man I Want to Marry

2011-11-27T22:20:00.005Z

I had a better time at the gym tonight than I did last week, even though I couldn't finish my set because the machines I needed were all occupied. While I was working out I saw a guy who REALLY caught my eye.
He was in his early 30's, at the oldest, good looking, but not overly so. About 6' 2" he was athletic looking with long, slightly muscular legs. He was wearing short shorts which really showed off his great arse. Nice arms, not overly muscular though.
I thought I caught him looking at me a few times, but couldn't be sure as there were some younger guys working out near me too. I did notice that he went into the changing rooms a few times. He did however, stay in there when I finally went to get showered and changed. He undressed quickly, showing me that he had a small blond whirl of hair at the base of his back, a downy blond coating over his beautiful arse and a nice size, though not too big, cock. He got into the showers first so I decided to take the shower opposite and diagonal to his, though with the curtains closed I couldn't see anything. I left my shower before him and went into the sauna.
Surprisingly he joined me in there after a minute or so. I really should have started a conversation there and then, but I'm not good at that and he didn't look directly at me (which would have been an "in" that I could have worked with). He didn't look at me the whole time, but stayed in there a while. He left first and had another shower. I did the same a minute later, having a normal shower and then a cold dip. As I entered the cold dip shower he went back into the sauna and I was really tempted to join him again and maybe start a conversation, but really thought that he wasn't interested in me, though almost certainly gay.
By the time I left he was still in his towel (he seemed to like wandering around the locker room in it, and I wasn't complaining about it, other than the fact that I wanted us to leave at the same time. Maybe next time.

Busy Day at Work

2011-11-27T17:26:00.003Z

Yesterday was my last of 4 day shifts at work and the previous three had been really tiring and difficult for me to stay awake for. I also had forgotten to buy any energy drinks for, so I was dreading it. In fact it was probably the busiest day I've had at that hellish place, and I loved it. I had hardly any time to get bored, I missed about half of my breaks and I didn't feel the need for energy drinks the whole day.
Everything went according to plan, thanks to me (modest as always) and all was sorted and over and done with by the time I left. The only thing that didn't was that I accidentally took home the petty cash key. Oops, I returned it early this afternoon (though it was too late, as they had required access to it, but the supervisor had managed as he used the cash in his pockey).
After work yesterday, and a quick shower, change of clothes and bite to eat, I went to Kazbar for Humberto's birthday drinks. I am really skint at the moment (enough for me to only draw £5 out of the cash machine), so only intended to stay for 2 drinks. In the end I stayed for 3 pints and got 3 tequila shots and a vodka jelly free. It was a fun night, but I got home by about 23:00 and was knackered so went straight to bed (I'd been up since 05:30).
I was woken by something at about 04:45 and heard a mouse squeaking and running around in my room, so I put my earplugs in and tried to go back to sleep. I thought I heard a gunshot about 15 minutes later, but I could have been dreaming and managed to get to sleep, not waking until 10:00.
Today I have an offer of £65 for some of my Star Wars figures, which will be the only money I have to spend until the payday AFTER next in 2 weeks time!! There are also potential offers for some of the Star Wars vehicles and some comics, so hopefully they will come through too. Fingers crossed for that. I really need a spare £100 to pay for my deposit for the Bingham Cup trip in June.
Off to the gym now, don't know if I have the energy though.

And Back Down Again

2011-11-22T21:31:00.006Z

As good as I was feeling on Sunday, I've been feeling really, really down today.
I was having a really good sleep, which was nice because I didn't sleep well the night before, but was woken up at 08:50 by Terry phoning to tell me that the Virgin Active guy would be there in 10 minutes. I knew this guy was coming, but I was hoping it was going to be a bit later. It turned out that all the guy did was unplug our old Wifi box and plug in a new one. I was not happy to have been woken up for this. I went back to bed and was then woken again by Terry at 10:30 and was in a foul mood from then on.
I didn't get much done all day, except for rewriting my CV and updating it on all the job hunting websites that I'm registered with (which I suppose is actually something substantial). I hope something comes of it this time. I also applied for another job.
I also realised that it is the day before going back to work, which is obviously a contributory factor in my downer.
I went to the gym at 14:00 just as Terry came home. As I left he asked me to get him something from the supermarket, which annoyed me even more because he'd just walked past the supermarket himself on his way back from the Tube.
Like yesterday, I found the gym hard work (unlike last week when I really enjoyed it) which was really disappointing. Yesterday, as I entered the gym I saw Doug there, which was a nice surprise, but after talking to him briefly I went to get changed and he left soon after. There was also a handsome guy in there who I've seen around Clapham and Soho before. He actually joined me in the sauna after our workouts, though we didn't talk. He has a good body too and a nice cock (which he made no attempt to hide in there). Today, Harley Everett was in the gym (again), though he arrived as I was finishing.
When I got back from the gym I kept myself in my room for a while, even having a little sleep, as I felt I needed to keep away from Terry as he was irritating me because of the mood I was in. He also annoyed me by having the heating on in the flat for about 4 hours today (it wasn't even a particularly cold day). Since he went into his room at just after 20:00 (which is normal for him), I've had the window open, but it is still far to hot in the living room.
Tonight I've also worked out my finances for the rest of the year and find that I am £50 short (by a single day) for paying my council tax this month, which I think I can get away with if I let Terry know (there may even be enough in the bills account anyway). I am also only left with less than £400 to last me for the rest of the year. This is including all food I need to buy, Christmas presents and any other unexpected things (I'll need new smart shoes soon too, especially if I get a job interview). I was also hoping to pay my deposit for going to Manchester for the Bingham Cup rugby tournament with the Steelers in June (which is £100 and has to be paid by mid-December because it goes up by £35 after that). I need to come up with some new ways of getting money if I can't get a new job by then (which is unlikely).
I really hope that my mood improves for work tomorrow as it is unbearable enough being there as it is. I've also just remembered that there is a "team" meeting after my shift, meaning that I've got to stay about 30 minutes later than normal (and it can't be good news either).

Smiling For No Reason

2011-11-20T15:15:00.005Z

Of course there is a reason, but if feels random and great anyway. I've had a fantastic weekend so far.
I finished work on Friday morning and then that night I had a great night out catching up with old friends, Tim, Richard, Chris & Craig, in the Duke of Wellington and saw some new(ish) friends from the Steelers (PJ & Dan) there too. I even got home at a decent time and avoided the temptation of Chariots.
I got up fairly early, considering I'd been out the night before, on Saturday morning as I wanted to get to the Steelers training ground for their first match. I got there spot in 11:30, which was the time that they had said in their newsletter that kick-off of the first match was. Unfortunately they had got the time wrong and kick-off was an hour later.
I was beginning to get really bored by the time the first match started, the second team played first and didn't play very well (they lost). But I cheered up when Doug, who I had met last week turned up to watch half way through the match. I also talked to a couple of other people there and began to recognise when the first team began turning up for their match.
Just before the second match started I phoned Alexis, in Torquay, to catch up with him as I'd not talked to him for ages. While I was chatting to him I walked with Doug into the clubhouse and he bought me a pint. Unfortunately he got me a beer. I really don't like beer but, because I like Doug (quite a lot) I didn't want to offend him and tried to drink it. I managed about half of it before we headed back out to watch the next match. I left my unfinished pint inside.
The second match was better played and more exciting and they won. We all then went back into the clubhouse and I started drinking properly (cider this time).
I was having a lot of fun talking to lots of people, those I knew a little and brand new people too. I was proud of myself (as you know I''m not great at talking to new people).
The Steelers had organised a quiz night to start at 19:00 at the clubhouse, but I was in two minds whether to stay or not. I was talked into it and so decided to stay, even though Doug went home. His flat mate Ed was still there though, and he is very sexy too (though I think we are in to completely different things sexually). There were also a few other guys there who are also very much "my type," including Tom, Mark and Niall (though I didn't talk to any of these guys, this time).
After the quiz I was asked by a guy, who shall remain nameless, if I wanted to go home with him and I said yes (I've fancied him for a while) and we came back to mine. This was the first time that I've brought someone back to my new place. It didn't bode well from the start when he asked if I was into kinky stuff (that's never a good start to an "encounter"). He was drunk, fell asleep on the tube home, and when we got into my room he wanted to do some things that really were not working for me. I told him and invited him to stay the night, but he went home anyway.
It was still before midnight and I was tempted to go to the 2 Brewers, but didn't in the end and instead went to bed (after sending multiple friend requests to guys that I'd met / talked to that day), 2 of which were accepted even before I got to sleep.
I'd had a few vodka / Red Bull's and so didn't sleep for long, waking up at around 04:30 and only managing to doze on and off after that. I eventually got out of bed at 10:30 but still had a smile on my face about the great weekend that I'd had. Off to the gym later, at around 18:00 when it should be quieter, to round off the weekend nicely. Then I'm not back to work until Wednesday.

Gym Day 3

2011-11-16T17:26:00.004Z

I had another great workout at my new gym yesterday, this time working on my legs and doing some cardio. It made it even more of a work out that every time I moved between equipment I had to walk up or down the stairs in between levels. It was a struggle I can tell you, but that is good. My abs are still aching today, which is amazing as I wasn't working them specifically.
One of the trainers at the gym, who gave me my initial walk-around when I first signed up, came over to talk to me today. Alex is his name and he came and asked me if I was an Aquarius. I'm not sure why, as he didn't seem to want to continue the conversation much when I said I wasn't, but smiles whenever he catches my eye. He is Brazilian and really cute with a great, tanned body.
When I was getting changed after my workout I saw a nice looking guy with a good body. He kept coming back into the changing room from the gym floor and caught my eye every time. As I left I saw him again and he smiled. I saw him again today, while I was walking along the street, but he was with an older guy and didn't acknowledge me (though he saw me), so I guess this guy is his boyfriend.
So, as you maybe can tell, I am enjoying the gym a little more now with my new workout plan. Though I do still miss Virgin Active Barbican.

I also had to pop to the bank today. I got 2 £10 notes out of the cash machine yesterday and noticed that one of the notes had some red dye all over it. I immediately wondered if this note had been caught when a dye-pack from a security box had exploded. I took the note to the bank this afternoon and explained my theory. The woman at the bank agreed with my theory and swapped the note for another. It was much simpler than I imagined.

New Gym Routines

2011-11-14T20:35:00.003Z

I had an appointment at the gym on Friday to set myself up a new training routine as I was bored with my old one, and it didn't match all the equipment at the new gym anyway. One of the trainers, John, set out a new three-day plan for me. I did the first day of it yesterday, working my chest and back and really felt like I'd had a good work out. It helped that it was really quiet while I was there too. I prefer it like that. To top it off there was a really cute guy in the changing room. It felt that he was cruising me, a bit, as he chose the shower cubicle opposite me and didn't close the shower curtain fully. He also flashed his arse when he was drying off too. It's probably just wishful thinking, but you never know. Then, as I was walking home and walked past Tesco, instead of going in and buying food I didn't need. I looked back after I had passed the shop to see the cute guy go in there. Damn.
Today I worked my shoulders and arms and again I felt like I'd had a really good work out, in fact I couldn't finish the last split set as my arms were aching so much. I chatted to one of the other trainers there, as I couldn't remember what a couple of the exercises were. He was very cute, had great biceps, but I can't remember his name (Leon?) and couldn't always understand what he was saying (the music in there is a bit loud sometimes and he has an accent).
Tomorrow I have legs and cardio, which is going to kill me even more. There is a creepy guy who goes to the gym, I see him on weekdays and he has a fairly good body and large-ish cock, but has a face (and hair) like Severus Snape. He was there again today, but the last time I was there he left as I arrived after he'd showered. I was happy to see him go, but then came back again as I was leaving with a fresh towel! Weirdo.

Stand Up Day

2011-11-14T00:01:00.001Z

I just thought that I should do my bit to promote Stand-Up Day today, s initiated by my hero Ben Cohen and his Stand Up Foundation.The aim of the day it to introduce people to his Foundation and ultimately to promote the fantastic work that they are doing with tackling homophobia and bullying.
Today your task, should you choose to accept it, is to tell as many people as you can about the Ben Cohen Stand Up Foundation, but above all, if you encounter bullying or homophobia, tackle it in whatever way is best for you and that situation. Just don't ignore it.

Fun, But No "Fun"

2011-11-13T11:52:00.004Z

This weekend is my third weekend off of four, a miracle that happens occasionally (next week is because of time booked off). I decided to go and watch the Steelers play, despite not having that good a time a fortnight ago (when I spoke to almost no one).
When I came out of West Ham Tube station I noticed a nice guy waiting outside. As I walked off towards the club I noticed that he was walking in the same direction. I wondered if he was following me, theorising that he didn't know where the clubhouse was and realised that I was gay and probably going there. It turns out that I was right on all counts. I got talking to him a bit on the touchline and when the match eventually finished (it seemed to go on forever and the Steelers lost) we quickly went back to the clubhouse to warm up and I offered to buy him a drink and we chatted. His name is Doug, happens to live in Clapham North too, and when he took off his jacket I realised that he actually had a good body too. I also talked to a couple of other guys there including Ed who plays on the second team.
I had a good time and even went back to the tube station with them, though they went to get some food when we got to Waterloo, though I thought it was possibly an excuse not to travel back to Clapham with me (I'm paranoid I know).

When I got home I had some food, freshened up a bit and watched Strictly Come Dancing, or at least most of it, before heading out to Kazbar to meet Humberto. He was with some friends, one of whom was quite nice (though was there with his boyfriend). Surprisingly there were actually quite a few sexy guys in there for a change. Absolutely none of the guys I liked were interested in me though. Humberto left early so I decided to go on to the 2 Brewers, as Doug had said that he was going to be there. I stayed for one drink, as I had already had my fill, saw that Doug wasn't there and neither of the 2 guys that I liked there were interested in me, so I came home, had some more food, watched some porn and went to bed.

Peeping Toms

2011-11-08T22:28:00.004Z

I'm not sure if I've mentioned but there is a guy who lives across the road, in the level below where we are. He has a really nice body, is often topless (sometimes in just his underwear), though he has strange eyes when you see him up close. He has a girlfriend/wife that he lives with who is often in a t-shirt and thong only, and who Terry says looks really old up close.
I have seen him naked, briefly, a couple of times, when he has gone back to his living room after going to bed (I assume). I've only seen him from behind though. Nice arse.
This evening Terry and I saw him without underwear but with his t-shirt on. It took us a couple of seconds to realise that she was on her knees in front of him giving him a blow-job. In the kitchen. After a couple of minutes and Terry attempting, unsuccessfully, to take a photo, they shuffled off into another room (without stopping).
The result of this peep show is that I am feeling really horny now. I've got to find myself some good porn to take to bed with me tonight.
Spookily, I am now watching the (first) Sex and the City movie in which Samantha keeps seeing her sexy neighbour (Gilles Marini), if only my neighbour would invite me to join him in the shower like Samantha's neighbour does. You never know though, my sexy neighbour does go to the same gym as me!

Spotting The Signs

2011-11-06T12:13:00.003Z

I know them all too well now and so I should be able to deal with them easier, in theory. Another sign that my depression is returning has appeared this week. On my days off I've barely been able to drag my arse out of bed because I feel that I have absolutely no reason to. I have no plans for the entire day, nothing to look forward to, so I feel that I may as well just sleep the whole day. Sleeping in doesn't solve anything. In fact it makes things worse. I become unable to sleep at night (or whenever I'm meant to be sleeping depending on my bloody shifts), I get headaches and backaches from sleeping / laying in the same position for hours, I spend more time dwelling on the negative things in my life and so perpetuate the whole thing.
I finally managed to get out of bed about 20 minutes ago and had a shower before making breakfast and coming straight here to write this.
I'm going to go to the gym later (even though last Sunday at the gym was packed and I couldn't get onto a bench the whole hour I was there). I've also got some grocery shopping to do, for my lunches at work this week. Other than that there is absolutely nothing in my life today, or yesterday for that matter (I didn't leave the flat all day).
Let's hope I get out of this funk soon, though with the winter coming and less sunshine (especially when you compare the amount of sunshine I get in my new home compared to my old home), which never helps with depression, I have an uphill battle I think.

Dreams

2011-11-05T14:23:00.004Z

I had a rather exciting dream last night. As usual, I can't remember all the details, but it was exciting because it was a Dr Who dream. It was the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant for the ignorant among you) and a female companion who I can't remember anything about, except that she was quite short and very colourfully dressed (so probably Rose Tyler). They were on an alien planet occupied by, surprisingly, humans. The humans had a wonderful civilisation with everything they could hope for and the Doctor discovered why. They had found a way of using a metal found only on that planet to contain a local lifeform which came to be known as the Pixel Storm. These were energy beings similar in behaviour to ants or bees, but which could somehow alter matter around them, the transformations being shaped by the wishes and emotions of those nearest. The more of them in a single area the greater the transformations. Things started to go bad, however, when one of the locals unknowingly captured a Queen Pixel which have self awareness and took control of all of the captured members of the Pixel Storm.
I have no idea what happened as I woke up, but I would really like to see this story made into an episode.
If anyone out there (i.e. TIM) can get someone to write this for me, I'm no good at writing dialogue, I could do with the royalties from it!

Jobs Woe

2011-11-05T13:53:00.003Z

Apologies to all, I know I've not blogged for a while, but there really isn't much going on in my life.
I did see a security job, on an email alert that I get sent a couple of weeks ago, that was paying £11.25 an hour. I sent it to my work colleagues, but wasn't going to apply for myself as I really don't want to work in security anymore. I changed my mind though, and thought why not apply for the job and, if I get it I can still look for a job that I actually want while earning a much better wage.
I was pleasantly surprised to get a voicemail message from the recruitment guy on Wednesday and phoned him back on Thursday. Unfortunately I didn't get any further than that because of being sacked back in 2007. Looks like I'm going to be stuck where I am through Christmas again. I am not happy.
In the mean time I was forced to do overtime last week, because I really needed the money. I've not done overtime (other than training courses) since I've been on that site, as I don't want to be there more than I have to. It was a good job that I did as I got the money for it yesterday and I am still only left with £15 to last me until next Friday!

Pay Rise Talk

2011-10-25T22:26:00.003+01:00

My Ops Manager came on to site this afternoon and tried to get me excited about some possible changes at work. He was trying to persuade me that the plans he was proposing would be good for us because it would mean us getting more money, which is true one of the proposals would result in me getting about £6K more a year. Unfortunately the proposed plans are to change our shift pattern, making us work an average of 56 hours a week instead of our current 42, meaning approximately an extra 728 hours a year!
He kept trying to infer that it was a pay rise, which is isn't, it is forced overtime. It would result in more time at work (the place that I hate) and less time at home or out socialising. He tried to get me to make a decision about whether I would be for or against the change, I told him I would need to know the shift pattern and full details before making an informed decision.
Of course, what he didn't mention at all was that the likely new shift pattern would mean that we would need to get rid of two more guards!!

The Senior Facilities Manager came in later, only the second time he has ever spoken to me in the 2 months he's been there, and asked how things were. I told him everything was fine. He replied that he likes to hear that there are no problems. I bit back that I meant that there were no NEW problems.

Also at work we have now been issued with a petty cash tin that the supervisors are responsible for. During my shift I keep the key hung around my neck. When I got home from work today, after a horrendous Tube trip where I was crammed against the doors for most of the trip, I found that it was still hung around my neck (I should have handed it over to the night supervisor). I should really have got back on the Tube and taken it back to site, but I really couldn't face the trip. We shall see if I get in trouble for it (you never know it could be the excuse they have been waiting for to get rid of me!).

Last night, while checking my emails, I saw a job advertised (from one of the many job sites that send me vacancy lists) that was a corporate security job for £11.25 an hour, 46 1/2 hours a week average (which works out about the same as I would earn at my current place if the proposed roster change goes ahead, just less hours). I wasn't going to apply for it, considering I NEVER want to work in this industry again, so instead, because I'm a nice guy, I sent the link to the guys at work. I will admit that I had an alterior motive, if they get the job I won't have to work with them again (I don't like ANY of the guys that I work with). After today's events I decided that it couldn't hurt to apply, the worst that could happen is that I don't get the job. Alternatively I might get it, which would mean I would be in a job that pays more money, I'm away from the toxic environment that I am currently working in and I can still look for another job if I don't like it there. So, when I got home, one of the first things I did was send my application in. We shall have to wait and see if anything comes of this one. In the meantime, Terry is going to chase up the woman he gave my CV to at his place to see if I'm in with a shot at the job he told me about there. I'll keep you informed.

Down Again

2011-10-20T13:42:00.003+01:00

I'm not sure what has sparked it this time, but I've been feeling down for a few days now. the slightest thing is setting me off at the moment. I keep getting tearful, angry and frustrated.
I tried to write a post yesterday, but I just couldn't construct sentences that made any sense or conveyed what I am feeling at the moment. I'm still having trouble.
When I get in these moods I find myself focusing on all the negative things in my life, normally the things that I feel are missing. Those of you who have been here a while know that I really want a man in my life. I really feel that is the biggest thing that has always been missing from my life.
To try and get myself out of this funk, I try and think of all the good things in my life. A friend of mine told me a while back that he didn't believe that depression existed. He believes that if you just think about something nice it will disappear. I wish it were that simple, but I try and give it a go anyway.

I am gradually getting back on my feet financially again, after my crippling moving expenses.

I am back at the gym, though I am not liking it as much as the gym in Barbican.

I'm making new friends by putting myself out there (going to watch the Steelers; talking to new people in bars etc).

I also have the best chance of a pay rise at work at the moment (our company has been taken over by another, larger one, which normally would result in a pay rise, but we will see).

I've also applied for 2 more jobs in the last week (so fingers crossed).

I need some distractions to fully take my mind off of my downer though.

Getting Back On Track

2011-10-15T14:55:00.003+01:00

I know I've not been posting for a while now, sorry. I've just not had much to report.
Yesterday however, I finally sorted my finances and realised that I had enough and could afford, on an ongoing basis, to join a gym. The one local to me, Soho Gyms, was quoting £54 a month so I decided to join there (even though I could have got cheaper at Fitness First, which is at least a mile away).
It was a good job that I had more than enough for the gym membership as I also had to pay a joining deposit (which I will get back after a year) of £50. I also went for a membership which means that I can use any branch at any time and paid extra so I don't have to take my own towels. It works out at £69 a month, basically what I was paying before, but without the sex.
The gym is okay. I was a little intimidated by some of the guys working out there, it is much more open plan than the one I was going to. But once I got into the swing it didn't bother me so much. I hadn't been to the gym for about 7 weeks, so I took it easy and by the time I did my short run to finish my session I was feeling a bit sick. I had a shower and then tried out the sauna.
It was tiny. About 1 metre square of floor and enough bench space for a maximum of about 4 people. I was joined after a couple of minutes by an older guy, with an okay body. Fairly attractive, and I recognised him from the gay scene, so we flirted a bit, though it would have been impossible to do anything because of the windows.
Also, there were a couple of "celebrities" working out while I was there. One porn star, who I've seen around Clapham quite a few times now, Harley Everett. Logan Schmitz, a party promoter and model, was also there. I saw a guy I've known for ages, but not seen for a couple of years, too. AND I got chatted up by a camp muscular Canadian guy who told me he was the "new face of Gaydar" (and he showed me a picture to prove it). I wasn't interested, he was too camp and too mouthy.

I decided that I also needed to go out for a drink, as I'd not been out for about a fortnight. Unfortunately no one else was going out so I ended up having a drink on my own in Rupert Street, then Comptons. I went to Profile too, but walked straight back out as it was empty and went back to Rupert Street. I should have gone home, but was glad that I didn't as I got talking to a group of guys who were fun (even though one of them was obviously smitten with me, despite the fact his boyfriend was also in the group).
On the way home I popped into Chariots in Vauxhall, got my rocks off (as I needed some human contact) and came home. I was in by 02:30.

This afternoon I am off out for some more drinks. This time for (flatmate) Terry's birthday drinks. Who knows what time I'll be home tonight (tomorrow?)?

Bad News x 2

2011-10-06T22:34:00.003+01:00

Back to work today after 6 days off, I really didn't want to go back, as per usual. Mostly I don't want to be working this coming Saturday as England are playing to stay in the Rugby World Cup and I am going to miss it.
As I walked to work I saw that the police had cordoned off the neighbouring road which is parallel to mine. I asked the police woman there what was happening and she kindly informed me that someone had been shot last night! I had heard a lot of sirens last night before I went to bed, but that is nothing unusual for around here. At the time of asking she said that it wasn't fatal. Here's hoping that didn't change.

When I got to work I was told, by one of the cleaners no less, that one of my fellow supervisors had handed in his notice. Throughout the day I gradually found out that he had been seen by our manager (who did a spot-check during a night shift, by spying through the window from across the road), watching a DVD. He was being put through a disciplinary procedure, but he quit instead before he could be fired. This is all unofficial, gossip, but sounds plausible for this site. Strangely though, the guy who was racially abusive to 2 co-workers and who was found asleep on site during the day, is still working here, with no disciplinary action taken. Strange eh?
We are now down to 2 full supervisors (there should be 4), with both of us wondering when we will be targeted.
On top of this I had to deal with a complaint against a member of the post room staff who was shouting at a member of my team, trying to tell him how to do his job. This guy is well known for telling people how to do their job, while looking for ways to get others to do his, so I had no hesitation in taking it further. It is one more stress that my team do not need at the moment, when they are all in fear for their jobs.
I've already been warned by my manager that I will be got rid of again if I disagree with him again! If I wasn't already desperately searching for another job, I certainly would be now.
Help!

Rugby

2011-10-02T06:54:00.004+01:00

I had a good day yesterday. I knew that the Kings Cross Steelers' 1st & 2nd teams were both playing at home. I had hoped to get to their ground for 13:00 when the first match was starting, but I didn't make it until an hour later, when I saw the 2nd team complete their match with a strong win. The 1st team then played on the pitch nearest the clubhouse (much better), so I popped in to get a pint to enjoy in the blazing sun while I watched.
I got chatting to a couple of new people, and spoke briefly to PJ. The 1st team lost, but it was a good match, despite the few punches thrown.
I stayed for a few more drinks in the clubhouse. They had their usual drinking ceremony, where 3 of the players stand on chairs and down a pint of beer with Baileys in it as fast as possible. One of the guys, a newbie, had 2 pints (1 for being a newbie and one for being player of the match). He was the slowest drinker, obviously not used to this type of drinking, and threw up a bit in an empty glass (which was quickly put back in his pint). He then threw up the whole pint into another glass. One of the coaches, and former player (whose name I don't know) grabbed the unfinished pint and drank it all, without realising that it had vomit in it, at least until his mates told him. Disgusting, but funny when he realised.
There were about 4 guys there who I was really attracted to, but I didn't get to talk to any of them. It didn't matter though as I had a good afternoon and topped up my tan in the process.

It wasn't until I got home, at about 19:00, that I realised the money that I had spent was my last few pounds and had been earmarked for paying my Lotto syndicate subs. Oops. Luckily Mike has kindly agreed to pay a tenner for me until I can get some money to him next weekend.

I now have £5 to last me until Friday, including feeding me. I should be able to cope, but it's not a good feeling having to limit myself so much. I need a new job, with more money, it's getting desperate now.

Selling Stuff

2011-09-24T13:31:00.004+01:00

In an attempt to make some space in my new home and, more importantly, make some much needed money, I've listed 4 adds on Gumtree in the hope that I can sell my least wanted collections.
I'm selling all my DC Comics (I have about 2000); My remaining Star Wars figures, vehicles and accessories; my Star Wars paperback books; and my Heroclix figures.
Please check the adds out if you are interested, or if you know someone else who may be interested then pass on the links to them.
Cheers.

Mark Cueto

2011-09-24T08:52:00.008+01:00

Mark Cueto has long been my favourite England player, if not overall rugby player. I only follow international matches, so only noticed him when he began playing for the national team around the time of the 2007 World Cup, I think (it seems longer). He hardly ever gets any praise or accolades, but in my opinion, he is the absolute backbone of the England squad. He is always there saving the day, getting back the ball, passing to the right player and generally doing it all at the right time. AND he does it all with a smile on his face.

Yes I am shallow and tend to prefer players that are also easy on the eye, and Mark is certainly that, but I think Cueto is a true star of the game and I wish he got more attention. Or perhaps it is best that he doesn't. Maybe he doesn't want the attention, maybe he avoids headlines on purpose. If so, then keep it up Mark, know that we love you and appreciate your truly impressive play. You didn't need to score today's hat trick to gain this adoration, but it was nice for us, and you, that you got it.

Keep it up gorgeous.

Downer Again

2011-09-19T10:14:00.005+01:00

I've had a fairly busy weekend, but not a great one unfortunately.
I stayed in on Friday night, despite wanting to go out, to save my energy (and money) for the forthcoming weekend. On Saturday I woke up early to watch World Cup Rugby on the television. I also did a few chores around the house. In the evening I went out to Soho for Eric's leaving-the-country drinks. I met him in Rupert Street and was surprised to see that no one else was there. In the end the were only 3 of us, so we went to the Duke of Wellington where we were joined by several others. We then went on to Comptons. There were very few sexy guys around all night unfortunately. Celebrity-wise though there were a couple of the stars of Seven Dwarfs (on Channel 4) in Comptons and I also saw Chris Choi walking about.
From there we went on to XXL. I've only been there once before, which was about 8 years ago and it had been really quiet there that night. This night however it was packed solid, smelled of body odour, the music was too loud on the dance floor (it felt like the bass was moving my internal organs about, making me feel ill), and there were still not many sexy guys around. The only real exception there was Gareth Thomas who was sat in a corner talking, probably just biding his time until he had to commentate on the rugby at about 04:00. I left within the hour and came home, managing to resist the temptation to go to Chariots.
I got home at about 03:00 and then woke up at 06:40 to watch the rugby again (England were playing this time), it was a great match, as was the following match too. When they had finished I went back to bed, getting back up at 14:00, so that I could get ready for Soho Pink Sunday. I got into town at about 17:00 and it was a bit pathetic really, no events going on, no DJ stages, just the usual bars open (but, for a change, they were not forcing people to stand in cages on the pavement). And it was raining.
Compared to Saturday there were quite a few sexy guys about, but none were interested in me at all. I was getting really frustrated and depressed. Luckily I had Eric and Chris there (and Humberto for about an hour) to take my mind off things for a while, but by the end of the night I was really feeling down. I still managed to avoid going to Chariots though. By the time I got to bed I was crying (though my depression was probably exacerbated by my tiredness).
I woke up this morning feeling just as miserable. I really need someone in my life, it just isn't fair.
I should try and do something today, like join the gym, but I just want to go back to bed and still can't really afford to join the gym (though I really should as have noticed this morning that I have a double chin again). Tomorrow I am back at work and will see one of my co-workers who sent me a slightly threatening email (at home) yesterday, I really need to get away from those arseholes.

Manhunting

2011-09-12T21:57:00.004+01:00

In an effort to get myself a man, or at the very least some new friends to hang out with, I've been contacting guys that I met before that I've not been in touch with for various reasons. You never know, right?
I sent a message to a one-night stand that lives close to where I now live in Clapham and we've become Facebook friends. We may go for drinks.
I also sent a message to another guy on Gaydar. This guy is so gorgeous and I first came in contact with him in 2005, when we exchanged messages (also on Gaydar) when he was living in New Zealand. He has since moved to London and I, briefly, chatted to him in Comptons during this and last year's Six Nations Rugby.
It didn't seem like he was really interested, but when I saw on Gaydar that he lives in Clapham North too I thought "What the hell" and sent him a message yesterday. I got a reply today welcoming me to South London but telling me that his work is recently taking him abroad a lot. So I'm left not knowing if that is true or just an excuse, but maybe not as he always had the option of just ignoring my message. I've just replied anyway, so we'll see if he gets back to me when he does have some free time.
I've also just remembered another gorgeous guy that I chatted to in Comptons during this year's Six Nations, who also happens to live in Clapham (I think). I'll have to remember to keep my eyes out for him.
I'll keep you posted on what happens (if anything).

It's All Just Gotten To Me

2011-09-11T22:11:00.004+01:00

I've been feeling low all this week, evidenced by the fact that I've been "bored" every day (more than usual), and have been feeling guilty for it. 9/11 gets me upset, but I don't feel that I have the right to have it affect me so much. I didn't know anyone who died, or even anyone who lost someone, but I still feel so upset by the event. I've been trying to be strong, story of my life, hold it in because I "don't have the right" to be upset. It finally got to me a few minutes ago and I started to cry.
It reminds me of how I deal with the fact that my dad died when I was a kid. Or more to the point, how I don't deal with it. It all came back to me just now as I am watching "Children of 9/11" on the television. My dad died when I was 7. No other kids at that I knew had gone through anything similar and I had been told by a close adult family friend that we shouldn't talk about death. So I didn't. I never asked questions about my dad because of this. And later, because I had very few memories of him myself, I felt stupidly that I didn't have the right to ask about him. It was almost as if I felt like he wasn't my dad because I didn't have those memories. I also began to feel like my siblings were more like aunts and uncles not a brother and sisters. I felt like an only child. Add on top of that being gay and I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about anything that mattered to me emotionally. I felt so alone when I was a kid, and not much has changed in that respect as I still don't have anyone who I can confide in and gain comfort from. I NEED someone.

I've known for a while that one of the things that I need to do, for my own emotional well-being, is to have a serious chat with my sisters (my brother lives too far away and we are not really close at all, I've not seen or spoke to him for about 3 years). I want to ask them about dad, and mum for that matter (who died 12 years ago), and I want to know what they thought of me, and I want honest answers. I want to know how I interacted with dad and I want to know if mum was ashamed of me for being gay (we never talked about it and I only came out to my siblings about 9 years ago, though I know they already knew). I need to get some connection to my childhood, as I don't have any emotional attachment to that time, I guess I sort of switched off as I hated it, never felt like I fitted in anywhere. I also don't recall ever seeing any photos of me before the age of about 6, when I started at school (this made me think that I was adopted for years).

In some ways I've hardly changed since then. I still feel that I don't fit in anywhere. I have very few people who I would consider confidants, in fact there are just 2, Alexis and Francis, and sadly, I hardly ever talk to them.
In other ways I have made great strides in my life, especially over the last 10 years, since I accepted and then started to confront my depression. I haven't felt that sort of depressive downer for quite a while now, probably since last year at least, which is brilliant. Even the downer that I've been on this week isn't that sort of depression. Though I still have a lot of work to do.
I feel that I don't know how to live sometimes. I see other people that I know doing things in their lives and think: "How do I do that?" Most of the time I don't know what I want to do, let alone know how to achieve it. It is frustrating. I need some help. I need someone to be my inspiration. I need a sounding board to run ideas off of. I need some emotional back-up. I need someone to take care of. To focus my attention on. In short, and as I've said ad nauseum, I NEED A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before

2011-09-11T19:35:00.003+01:00

I am feeling really lonely lately. I don't know if it is because I don't have the gym to take up a couple of hours of my time now-days, or something else, but I am so bored on my days off and, with me, boredom equals more time to think about how I have no one to spend quality time with.
All I want is someone to sit in front of the telly with, to go to the cafe with, to share films with at the cinema, to go for walks with and watch people with, to visit the family with, to bitch to about work etc. etc. etc. In short I need a boyfriend, or at the very least a really close friend (neither of which I have anything close to at the moment).
Instead, my alternative today was trying to occupy myself online and walking around Clapham High Street trying to find something (or someone) to distract me from my loneliness. It didn't work.
I'm still bored and have nothing to look forward to except a training course at work tomorrow. It gets me off of one of my night shifts, but unfortunately I have to get to Canary Wharf for 09:30, which will be a nightmare on the Tube, so I'm going to have to go part of the way by buses before getting the DLR (Docklands Light Railway, for those who don't know). I am not looking forward to my day tomorrow, learning about customer service (having worked in customer service ALL my life it could be slightly annoying).

Pamela J Boyce

2011-09-11T00:06:00.000+01:00

Pamela J Boyce

1958 - 11th September 2001

Pamela was Assistant Vice-President of Accounting for Carr Futures working on the 92nd Floor of 1 World Trade Center, where she was working when the plane struck.
Known for her direct approach, sometimes thought of as harsh, which came from a sense of practicality. She was a hard worker who had recently graduated with a degree in accounting, for which she studied after work at a local community college.
Outside of work she was known for her love of disco dancing, competing competitively, though she also loved to relax.
Leaving behind her partner Catherine Anello, with whom she shared a home in Dyker Heights, Brooklyn, she also left behind a family she loved, evidenced by her serving as Lamaze coach for her sister Desiree, at the birth of her niece Kristina.
Catherine has said that Pamela wasn't afraid to die, saying that she knew she was going to a beautiful place. If only we all had that certainty.

Brandhorst-Gamboa Family

2011-09-11T00:05:00.000+01:00

Daniel Brandhorst / Ronald Gamboa / David Gamboa-Brandhorst

On this horrid anniversary the story of the Brandhorst-Gamboa family is both a heart-rending one. Daniel and Ronald met about 13 years prior to 9/11 while living on the US east coast. When Daniel got transferred to a Pricewaterhouse/Cooper office in Los Angeles, the couple moved to facilitate this and with Ronald eventually settling as a manager of The Gap store in Santa Monica. The couple adopted a son, David, through a surrogate mother, looking after her during the pregnancy, birth and afterwards. Initially needing some help as all new parents so, they quickly settled in to become natural parents, Daniel becoming "Papa" and Ronald "Daddy" to the beautiful, bright, energetic and very caring young boy. Daniel was variously described as happy, inspirational, a good friend and generous, but was also the "serious one" in the relationship. Ronald was the joker who could apparently "make a rainy day look happy." Both parents have inspired their co-workers to greater things and are remembered fondly by many of them, some of whom have had their lives changed dramatically by the advice given by the two men. The one thing that can be taken from this terrible day is that in the end the loving family were together.
I would have been honoured to meet the trio who, even though they are gone, stand as examples to show the bigots still out there that a family is what individuals make it and does not need to be formulaic or standardised. Some of the best families are those which are chosen, not moulded. The Brandhorst-Gamboas are fine examples of all that a family can and should be and should be used as role models for gay marriage, gay adoption, happiness and good parenting.

To read an incredibly touching tribute to David Gamboa-Brandhorst please visit here.

Please also visit 2996 Project to read about all the other victims of this terrible day. Every one has a story.

Michele Ann Nelson

2011-09-11T00:04:00.000+01:00

Michele Ann Nelson

7th December 1973 – 11th September 2001

Michele Ann Nelson was a benefits specialist, working in the Human Resources department of Cantor Fitzgerald in the World Trade Center. She had been there since 2000.
Michele formerly worked at J & W Seligman and County Seat Stores and lived in Valley Stream, New York.

She left behind a younger sister – Monique, and her mother – Mrs Winsome Nelson, along with a vast network of family and friends.

Some words used frequently to describe Michele were:

Beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, thoughtful, caring, punctual, giving, forgiving, positive, & spiritual.

Once again, for me, it is difficult writing an honest tribute to someone who I never got the chance to meet.

The overwhelming impression I get from the tributes that I have seen and the thoughts that have been written, is that of an incredibly caring person who always thought of others. Whether it was giving good advice to someone considering quitting college, or kind words on the death of a co-worker’s relative, she made a difference just by being her own caring self. She is an example that we should all follow.
Michele seemed to make an impact on the lives of everyone that she met. Even brief acquaintances were influenced by her shining example of how to live life. Even now, 8 years on, her example is being spread via her family and friends, and via tributes on the internet that give a multitude of examples of the kindness, generosity and her incredibly caring nature.
Excelling in her studies at school, graduating from Pennsylvania State University, then Baruch College of the City, Michele was constantly trying to improve her skills, shown also by her attendance of New York Restaurant School, from which she posthumously graduated in December ‘01.

I think that we can all learn from the example that Michele set during her brief life. She had a mantra that she would repeat three times a day:

"This is the day the Lord had made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Please take time to read tributes left to Michele and her family at Legacy.com and at the memorial site set up by Cantor Fitzgerald. And don't forget all the other victims of that terrible day, all of whom will be paid tribute to via Project 2996.

Michael John Cahill

2011-09-11T00:03:00.001+01:00

Michael John Cahill

I originally honoured Michael John Cahill in 2006 for the Project: 2996 tribute and have been granted the honour once again. As before, I hope this tribute honours him as much he deserves. Grief is such a personal thing it affects us all in different ways. Grief can affect you for people you do not know as well as those you do. I have experienced a fair amount of loss in my life, but you can never truly equate your loss with that of someone else. It is also difficult to pay tribute to someone you didn’t know and never met. All you can do is research and hope you get all the facts straight.
Michael John Cahill was in Tower 1 of the World Trade Centre, based on the 99th floor. This floor was in the upper area of where the first plane hit the tower.
I can’t even begin to imagine what Colleen, his wife, must have been thinking when she first heard the news and saw the pictures.
Michael was 37 years old and, from what I can tell, a REAL family man. He had a wife he loved and two young kids who he loved spending time with and wanted to be a good role model for. To this end he rejoined his high school cross country running team as its captain, as he believed that sports were important in their development.
Michael worked hard, often out of his house for more than 12 hours and regularly taking work home with him, but his family knew that it was all for them. Colleen, his wife said, "We knew we came first. He would always make a point to tell me, 'I know it's hard for you being home with the kids,' so he would always make time to be with them so I could take a break."
Even his sister, Denise Troise, was amazed at her brother’s devotion to his family, saying “I can’t even imagine a more dedicated father and husband.”
He was known for his weekend barbecues which usually brought together his close-knit family, neighbours and friends.

Posthumously, Michael has been awarded a promotion to Managing Director by his firm, Marsh & McLennan. He has also been awarded the Dean Award from St John’s University Law School, from which he graduated in 1991.
But, possibly the most telling award made to this loving family man is the bench and plaque placed in his East Williston village green by his friends and neighbours, and the fact that around 1000 friends attended the memorial mass at St Aidan’s Roman Catholic Church in Williston Park.
Jim & Evelyn be proud of your son, you must have done good raising him.
Colleen be proud of your husband, you picked a good one. One who loved you enough to spend time away from you to provide the things you needed and deserved.
Connor & Fiona, be proud of your daddy. He was a good man. Ask your family about him. Find out all that you can and fix him in your mind, that way, he will always be with you.

You will never forget.
We will never forget.
Michael John Cahill

Please don't forget to check out Project 2996 for all the other tributes that have been made today to honour those who died on that awful day.

Waleska Martinez-Rivera

2011-09-11T00:02:00.000+01:00

Waleska Martinez-Rivera

Waleska Martinez-Rivera was born in Puerto Rico. She studied computer science and business at the University of Puerto Rico where she graduated first in her class in 1986 before moving on to teaching computer science at two universities. In 1987 she moved to New York and was hired the following year by the US Census Bureau’s regional office, where she was subsequently promoted to supervisory computer specialist recruiting and training other computer specialists. Highly praised by her boss there, Waleska was in 1997 awarded a bronze medal by the Census Bureau for her dedication.

Her work demeanour has been described as friendly but reserved. Outside of work she, without doubt, knew how to enjoy herself, enjoying movies, music, sport, the theatre and entertaining.

She left behind her “longtime partner” Angela Lopez, whose Madonna “Drowned World” baseball cap she had borrowed on the morning she boarded Flight 93, that fateful morning on her way to a conference in San Francisco.

Tuesday Morning

2011-09-11T00:01:00.001+01:00

Bored

2011-09-10T15:31:00.009+01:00

Now that the rugby has finished for the day I have become really really bored. I was therefore happy to notice that it was a really nice day outside. So, once I'd had lunch I decided to go out for a little walk. I ironed some clothes, got changed and just as I was locking the last window before heading out it started to rain! How fucking typical. I took my boots back off and started to try and think of something else to do and it then stopped raining. Frustrating.
I decided to go out anyway, as I had to renew my monthly tube ticket before Monday. I took a light jacket, just in case, but always find it frustrating carrying a jacket around, almost as frustrating as having to wear a jacket to keep the rain off, when it is far too warm to actually be wearing the extra layer.
Anyway, I decided, as it still hadn't started raining again yet, that I would have a walk up and down the high street and hope that inspiration struck me for something to do. It didn't, but I did see a porn star who lives locally. Harley Everett is a very striking guy, muscular, handsome, 6' 3" and shaven (or crop) headed. When you see him topless (or sleeveless) you notice a telltale tattoo all down his arm (though I couldn't see it today). I find him incredibly attractive in the flesh, this is the second time I've seen him, but I know that he wouldn't be into me as my tastes are far too vanilla: some of the films that he's done that I've seen involve things that I would not want to do at all. He is also on Grindr and asks for guys who "go to the gym at least 3 times a week and have something to show for it." I like the progress that I've made at the gym and I still get lots of comments about it, but I don't think I am big enough for him. He has however smiled at me both times that I've seen him. Maybe he's being polite and likes being recognised, maybe something else. I guess I will only know if I ask him.
Maybe next time (though knowing me, maybe not!).

Good news about the boredom, Tim has just texted me and asked if I would like to join him and Niall for drinks tonight. I shouldn't, as I went out last night, but I will. I am feeling really horny, but more than that, I need some human company, and I can't turn down the opportunity of a situation where I could possibly meet Mr Right. I really need to find myself a man. I am getting desperate. I WANT A BOYFRIEND!!!

I did go out last night. I didn't arrange to meet anyone but when I got to Rupert Street I saw Craig there. He was with a guy who I had met once before, Tristan. I stayed with them for one drink and they went on to Profile bar. I went to Comptons, as I didn't want to be stuck in Profile for the rest of the night (I know what Craig is like). Comptons was unimpressive so I decided to go to Profile for one before going home. I met them in there and stayed for 2 drinks. Both guys got on my nerves a bit, they both are very insecure guys who like to tell you how good they are and how much everyone loves them, to reinforce their own sense of worth. I find this a very unattractive personality trait and so was getting more and more annoyed with both of them as the evening went on. I did have one reasonably nice guy ask for my number, and I gave it, though it turned out that he had that same trait and also had groping hands (which are never welcomed by me unless preceded by a kiss at least, and we certainly didn't kiss).
I did get an offer from Tristan to get me membership of Fitness First gyms for just £30 a month, which I think I could afford (I've not actually joined the local gym, Soho gym, yet as I can't really afford it), though I'm not sure if he wants something in return or not (I hope "not").
I left at just before midnight and came home, only just finding the strength not to stop off at Chariots on the way home!

Riot Dream

2011-09-10T12:07:00.003+01:00

I don't remember much about it, but I had a dream last night. I was living at home with my mum, though it was in a flat that I've never actually seen before. I returned home after a riot (a la the London riots of last month) to find that the flat had been broken into and ransacked, with everything of value having been stolen and my mum sitting on the floor in the middle of the rubble.
I woke up to a sense of foreboding, thinking for a second that my home had been ransacked too. Luckily it hadn't.

I got up, showered and got myself ready to watch the first England match in this year's Rugby World Cup. Unfortunately it wasn't an entertaining one, for the most-part. I had caught the previous match (France v Japan) and that proved to be much more entertaining.

Rugby

2011-09-09T11:19:00.011+01:00

The Rugby Union World Cup started today. Does it get you excited?

Good Decision, Bad Decision

2011-09-03T16:28:00.006+01:00

It was a gloriously sunny day yesterday and, being a Friday, I just knew that it would be quite busy in Soho so decided to go for a drink there. I didn't arrange anything in particular, but did message Craig to see if he was out at all, as I've not seen him since Pride. When I got to town I headed for Rupert Street, but saw Gareth outside the Duke of Wellington so joined him for a drink there. Chris was also there too (though he apparently should have been at work from 17:00, and it was by then 19:20!). After a while Gareth left, as he had a dinner party to go to, and Chris and I saw that Graham and Mark were there also, so joined them.
I left briefly to join Craig at Rupert Street, as he had got back to me to tell me he was there. I met his ex, who he was out drinking with, whose name is Neal, I think. Chris Choi the television news reporter, was also out for drinks there.
I then went back to the Wellie, where I found that Graham and Mark had gone, but Chris was still there, then I saw Richard and Terry M. It is fabulous just seeing so many friends out randomly. It made me feel almost popular (though, saying that, none of them had invited ME out). I then went on to the Eagle, in Vauxhall, with Terry as I'd never been there and got chatting to two people whose names I can't recall. Terry left and I finished my drink and went on to Chariots.
There were a few sexy guys in there, some of whom were even interested in me, but I really should have just gone home as I was in the mood for companionship, not sex (not that I didn't partake). I should have saved my money too, but having paid out I made sure I got my monies worth and stayed until 04:30, just missing a bus as I came out. Bed by 05:20 and up again at 10:30, with no hangover, so I can't complain.

I've just spent an hour sunbathing over on Clapham Common (the non-cruising part, though there were lots of sexy guys, many of them gay and were familiar faces), which would have been more fun had I had someone to spend that time with. I really need a companion. I think I've given up on the boyfriend idea, after so long I can't see it happening at all, but a really good friend whose company I never tire of sounds good. I used to have that with Lee, but that is something else that I don't ever see happening again (with him, that is).
I've been invited to Kazbar tonight, by Humberto, but I'm not sure that I want to go. Firstly, because I should be saving my money (and only have £30 to last me until next Friday), and secondly because it is Kazbar and I am never overly impressed by my nights there.
I have work tomorrow morning, so what ever I do I can't make it a late one.

Help Needed

2011-09-02T11:52:00.003+01:00

Once again it is that awful time of year when we are reminded of the terrible events of 9/11. Long-term readers will have heard of Project 2996, a web-based project hoping to keep the memory of the victims' lives alive and not focusing on their deaths.
Due to many of the previous tributes being erased when blogs close down etc they are short of several hundred tributes this year and with only a few days left they need all the help they can get to fulfil their aim of remembering ALL the victims.
If you have a little while to do some research and write up a memorial of someone's LIFE, not their death, please get in touch, take a look at this list and help complete this task on this the 10th anniversary of that world changing day.
Please help if you can.

I Hate...

2011-09-01T10:41:00.003+01:00

I've just been made aware of this blog, via Facebook. This is a powerful post, written by USer John Wiswell, please read:

"Today, I hate gay. I hate people who are gay, people who might be, people who aren’t, and people who hate people who are. I hate the whole of it. I hate that when my best friend and I walked downtown chatting for two hours, people suspected things. I hate whoever threw the brick. I hate the protesters outside the hospital. I hate the counter-protesters who claim to support him and are chanting his last name wrong. I hate that they won’t leave him alone. I hate that blogs keep posting cell-phone pictures of his mangled forehead. I hate that he’ll have to wear a hat to cover the scar any time he goes outside. I hate that he’ll find a way to make it fashionable. I hate that “elective cosmetic surgery” isn’t covered by his insurance.

I hate that when I went to his apartment to get his stuff, people tried to encourage me. I hate that they told me to be brave, and to be there for him. I hated it because who were they to tell me to be there for my friend? I hated it because their sincere emotional advice referred to a relationship they only imagined I had.

And I hate the little old lady who scowled at me through the crack in her door, safety chain still hooked, busy hating me for another imaginary relationship. And I hate all the neutral faces that stared at me like, “Does he belong in my apartment building?” and “Is he gay?” and “Am I okay with that?” I hate them all and their crappy floral wallpaper.

On the drive back to the hospital, I hate all the pedestrians who don’t look at me or my car or in my direction. I hate everyone who doesn’t know, who isn’t preoccupied with this. I would hate them if they were looking, and I hate that they aren’t. I hate that they’re getting on with their lives, and that many of them have nothing to get on from because they don’t know, don’t care, have a club somewhere to look impressive at.

I hate the radio. I hate callers blaming religion, blaming my God Who is Love for people hating people who like people who are different from the people that they like. I hate callers blaming my evolution, blaming natural selection wiring our brains to be disgusted at someone not being disgusted at things that disgust us. I hate the host blaming my country, blaming a culture that enshrines free speech, allows rainbow marches, and pays for the public radio that introduced me to The Village People. I like The Village People.

Pulling into the parking lot, weaving amongst protesters and counter-protesters, I hate whichever amendment lets interlopers gather in groups. I hate that hateful people know what gay is. I hate that they’re not gay. I hate somebody’s sign saying you’re born that way, accusing your genes. I hate somebody else’s sign saying it’s a choice, and gays made the wrong one. I hate that either of those things would matter.

I hate that it rained. I hate that the box broke and his shirts fell on the sidewalk. I hate that none of those people helped me, and I’d hate if somebody offered. I hate that my friend is going to laugh at these dirty shirts in the context of all possible Bad News For the Day. I hate that I wasn’t the one who was hit.

I hate the crowds outside, and the journalists in the waiting room, and the three people in the elevator. I hate that I didn’t see who that fuck was when he threw the brick, and I hate each of them for possibly being him. I hate that I’ll walk around this city for at least another three years, potentially passing him every day, and never knowing that I could have caught him and beat his face in. I hate that I’ll blindly suspect people just like he did, and just like he did, I’ll almost always be wrong.

I hate that he’s watching cute cartoons and doesn’t have to scramble to turn them off when I come in. I hate the unguarded tone he uses on the phone with his mom. I hate that the half of his face that’s showing is smiling in assurance to a mother who can’t see him. I hate that she’d call when he needs rest. I hate his God-damned mother. What is wrong with me?

I hate the way he flaps his hand for me to set the box down and take a load off. And sitting there, waiting for my friend to need anything, I hate. I hate what others would say this means about me, or my feelings about him, or what our relationship secretly is in their minds and in none of our experience. In some way I hate myself, but mostly I don’t. I hate the things that make me hate. I don’t hate myself, not until he catches on and actually tries to comfort, reaches out from the bed and pats my wrist and asks if “You’re taking care of you.”

And what do you do there?"

Sunday Night Out

2011-08-29T11:00:00.005+01:00

I was feeling lonely all day again and waited for a call or text from Humberto to tell me when they were going to go to the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. It never came and I was sort of relieved as I wasn't sure that I fancied going there today and had got a bit fed up with him yesterday anyway (there are certain things about him that annoy me a bit).
I decided to go to Soho this evening instead and got there at around 20:00, starting in Rupert Street. It was quiet, so I went to Comptons which was also quiet. I got a text from Erik to tell me that they were in the 2 Brewers and invited me to join them. I decided to come back to Clapham, but to go to Kazbar first to check out the talent there. It turns out that they had just arrived there. The music was great, as they were playing lots of 70's music. There was no real talent in there though and I went with them back to the 2 Brewers, where I instantly got my drink spilled over me, thanks to Erik's sister, Ashley. Not long after she was told that she couldn't come back in, after popping out for a cigarette, as she was too drunk. So, they decided to go back to Kazbar, but it was closed, so they all went home. I was still fresh so decided to head over to Vauxhall to go to Barcode. I was frustrated to find that the Tube had already finished (at 23:30!!!!!!) so had to get a bus. Barcode was also quiet and there was absolutely no one I found attractive, and there was one guy who was really camp and kept grabbing me, so I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did it again I would hit him and walked off.
I finished my drink and left, then went to Chariots sauna which is a couple of doors away. It was quite busy in there surprisingly, and with some very sexy guys too. There was even a gorgeous guy from a reality television show from a few years back, though, unfortunately he wasn't interested in me. Almost straight away an incredibly sexy guy (good looking, great body) invited me into a private cabin and we had some really hot sex. He was amazingly sexy, though he was there with his boyfriend, though I never found out which one was his other half. I could have gone home there and then, but, as usual, I wanted to get my money's worth and stayed for a couple more hours, having some teasing fun with a few other guys. It was a good night, which is unfortunate as I am now going to be really tempted to go back again.
I got home at 05:30 and went straight to bed. I'm tired now, which is unfortunate as I am working nights tonight.

Lonely

2011-08-27T23:53:00.005+01:00

I went out and met Phil for a few drinks last night. We met in Kazbar, at the end of my road and Terry even turned up when he finished work late, though he only stayed for one. As you know, Kazbar isn't my favourite bar, and it was very quiet last night, probably partially because of the terrible weather (I'd managed to get there in a brief gap in the torrential rain that had been off and on all afternoon / evening). I was then persuaded to go to the 2 Brewers and it was also quiet there. Phil left after 2 drinks. I stayed for one more, during which Kandi Kane began her act, which was great fun. I stayed until she had finished and then came home.

Today I was invited to go and watch the Ireland vs England rugby match by Humberto. We went to a local straight bar and watched it there. It had just stopped raining when I made my way there and the area outside the bar was crawling with gorgeous, healthy, athletic and muscular guys. There were even a few inside the bar.
We made our way to the back of the bar, where they were going to be showing the rugby, and made ourselves comfortable. There was one nice looking guy sat there already. Pretty soon we were joined by another 2 gorgeous guys, one of whom I really liked. He was fairly short, probably about 5' 7", but handsome, had surfer type hair under a woollen hat, and was athletically muscular. They were later joined by 2 more friends and all four looked like they could be gay, but were all quite masculine, though not too laddish. I fell a bit in lust with the surfer dude, who was sat next to me the whole match.
The match itself was good and made even better by the fact that England won (which is great as it is their last match before the Rugby World Cup in a couple of weeks, and they need the boost after a few losses).

Afterwards Humberto and I went to a cafe for a quick, non-alcoholic drink (and he had a scone too), then on to KFC (the first time I've eaten in one since I was a kid), before going on to Kazbar to meet Erik and his sister for a couple of drinks. I really didn't want to drink any more after that so I came home and they went on to get something to eat before going on somewhere else to carry on drinking.

I watched Dr Who on iPlayer tonight and then Sex and the City's first movie, which made me feel really lonely and longing for some company. I was tempted to go back out, but by this time it was 23:00 and I really couldn't face getting changed to go out at this time, especially as I was beginning to feel tired too. I just want to curl up in front of the telly with a man. My very own man. Whoever that may be.
I really want to have a fantastic Fabulous night out: getting invited to a swanky party in a great venue or a nice busy house party. To dress up really nicely and feel really great and really comfortable. I want to meet lots of interesting guys, from varied backgrounds and with varied looks and styles, though, knowing me, I will need to have someone to introduce me to these guys.
I am trying to meet the kind guy I want to be with. I've not seen Jeirdel at the gym since I told them to cancel my membership, so I took the initiative yesterday and sent him a message on Facebook asking if he was out this weekend and if so asked him if he fancied a drink. I've not heard back, so I'm guessing the answer is "No," as I know he has been on there since I sent the message. Oh well. I wonder if I am going to see him before my membership expires at the end of this month?
Right now, I could really do a with a hug to tide me over.

Busy "Day Off"

2011-08-26T19:54:00.003+01:00

I've had a fairly productive "day off" today. I've been on a Supervisor course for the past 3 days and today was the final day in which we had our examination. We were finished and out of there by 15:00 and so I decided to go to the gym, while my membership is still valid. Luckily I had planned ahead and taken my gym stuff with me. I travelled from Victoria, where the training was, to Barbican and had a fairly pathetic work out before the pain in my leg got the better of me (I really must get registered at a new local G.P. and get it looked at, as it has been going on for about 3 months now). I then went down into the sauna / steam room and saw a very sexy guy, though we kept getting interrupted. Eventually we were left alone in the steam room and had a bit of fun before being interrupted again.
I then came home and got caught in a massive downpoor when I got to Clapham. It was so bad that both sides of the High Street looked like small, incredibly fast running rivers. There were massive puddles around the drains, some of them covering the pavement too. I got in and had to put my jeans and coat in the dryer, though even after 40 minutes they were still wet. 10 minutes later the sun was out, though it is raining again now.
I've put on a load of washing now and am getting ready to go out for a drink at Kazbar at 20:30 with Jeff, and may even go to Barcode South afterwards, just to the 2 Brewers or maybe come home so that I can do it all again tomorrow with Humberto.

Bad Day

2011-08-21T20:12:00.003+01:00

For some reason I woke up at about 04:00 this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep. As soon as I woke I was thinking about money. I am going to struggle to pay my rent and bills at this new flat and I really need to come up with a solution quickly. I feel like I have stepped into a time-warp and gone back 10 years to when I was living in Hendon in a flat that I couldn't afford. This feeling is exacerbated by the fact that I had a small dark bedroom there too filled with boxes, as I do at my new place now.

I need to make a concerted effort to sell the remainder of my action figures. I have just received a quite generous offer for 2 that I previously attempted to sell in eBay, which I am obviously going to accept, so that is a good start (especially as I can avoid the costs of listing it on eBay this way).

I am also going to put an advert on Gumtree to see if I can sell some of my comics there. It's not worth selling them on eBay as they won't allow sellers to charge for postage on comics for some strange reason, and comics are heavy, especially when selling them in bulk.

Other than this, the only other option I have for getting more money is to do overtime at work, which I really do not want to do (especially as it would mean working on shifts with the people I least like there). If only I could get another job.

Because I woke up so early I had the feeling that today was going to be a really long, tedious and annoying one. More so than normal. But I was slightly reassured when I walked out of the front door to make my way to work and found a pound coin on the pavement. Not a huge amount of money, but every penny helps. This optimistic blip didn't last long. I got to the tube station to find it closed and only then realised that it was Sunday and underground trains don't start until after 07:00. I start my shift at 07:00.

I had to quickly locate the correct bus route to get me to work. It involved walking to Stockwell tube station, getting a bus from there to Elephant & Castle, then getting another to Bank station and walking from there to work, which is by Moorgate. The whole journey took less than 50 minutes, which was much better than I was expecting, but I was still 10 minutes late. It is, however, the first time I have EVER been late at this site and the first time I've been late to work at all in about 5 years. So I shouldn't be that hard on myself, especially as all the people I work with have regularly been late into work (some almost every shift).

I was bored and tired all day and have just got home about 30 minutes ago. Thinking about money while I was there I sent an email to my boss asking if there was a possibility of getting me on the Supervisor course that 2 other supervisors are attending this coming week. I had declined initially as I have a hospital appointment on Thursday (the penultimate day of the course), but it is to do with my numb thumb and finger which are almost totally better now anyway. If I do the course I'll probably only get 8 hours per day, but it will mean that I get approximately £225 extra, so I hope that I can get on it. It would certainly help with the bills!

As I was walking home I saw that Humberto was outside Kazbar and so I went over to talk to him. I would have like to have joined him but I need to save money and I am so tired and working tomorrow so it would be a silly thing to do.

Dreams

2011-08-20T22:20:00.003+01:00

I forgot to blog yesterday about a dream that I had on Thursday night. I was on a team of either police or government agents working in the US. On the team with me were Brad Pitt, Amanda Tapping (Samantha Carter from Stargate SG1) and another famous actor (though I forget who now).

We were in or near an open air storm drain (like the one used in the car race in Grease) when it flooded very quickly. We were all caught in the water but most of us were rescued. Unfortunately Amanda literally disappeared into thin air and we were unable to find her.

Somehow we eventually discovered that she had been transported back in time to an earlier point in her lift, forcing her to live her life in a continual loop. Her "teleportation" was somehow linked to the "Shazam" lightning symbol.

Settling In

2011-08-16T12:18:00.005+01:00

Yesterday I finished my set of night shifts and had my first day off in my new place since being paid. I did a bit of a shop in the larger Sainsbury's store (we have two here in Clapham, both on Clapham High Street, and a Tesco and Iceland, spoiled or what?), where I purchased a rather nice Russell Hobbs kettle, so I don't have to boil a pan whenever I want a cup of tea now.
I also went to the gym and cancelled my membership. I am quite sad about this as I really like the gym and, more importantly, I feel comfortable there. I am going to miss seeing certain staff and gym members, but hope to keep in touch with at least 2 staff there.
While I was there I saw a handsome guy I wasn't sure if I'd seen before. I couldn't work out if he was looking at me because he was interested or because he was annoyed that I was looking. When I went to the steam room he was already in there (looking even better with his top off, even though he was a lot more hairy than I am normally attracted to). When I changed to the sauna he was also in there and we started talking. His name is Claudio, he is Italian from Tuscany and seems like a really nice guy. We carried on chatting and even swapped from sauna to steam room and back again at the same time to continue talking. When I'd got changed, at the same time he was changing, I got the courage up to ask if he fancied going for a drink sometime. Unfortunately he told me that he has a partner, but that we could possible go for a drink as there is no harm in that, so I got his number. I was a bit disappointed, but liked him even more for not being unfaithful to his other-half (I presume it is a guy anyway). It is typical though, whenever I get the courage up to actually ask a guy out it is always a similar scenario, they are either not interested or have a partner.
I really must talk to Jeirdel before I leave the gym fully (I can use it until the end of the month). I want to know at least if he is interested in keeping in touch, and hopefully want to get to have lunch or a drink with him to get to know him better. I don't even know if he is single. Yet.

I thought that I would be able to get to sleep easily last night, after my gym session and long, tiring steam / sauna session too, combined with the half hour trip there and again back. I stayed up until just after midnight and then went to bed. I thought that I was dropping off and then, WHAM, I was wide awake again. I don't think I dropped off until about 03:00 in the end. very annoying, especially as I was woken at 08:00.
I did have a dream that I remember too last night:
I featured the 6 characters from Friends. Ross and Monica were taking some written test and were competing to see who could make the largest "Be Quiet" sign!?!
Rachel was inspecting the clothes and accessories of people who had left them all hung up in a row, for some reason, with Joey.
Phoebe was getting over-excited about a "giant" man, so Chandler surprised her by making beds for the giant and his friend in a massive hallway at the bottom of a sweeping staircase somewhere. The "giant" was an 7' tall bald actor that I've seen in several things and his friend a 2' bald actor that I've also seen in a few things (though wasn't the guy who plays Mini Me).
Strange.

Right now I am waiting in for the Virgin Media guy to come and connect our telephone, television and internet. I was hoping that he was really sexy, and that we could "get it on," but that's not going to happen now as Terry is home from work too.

Clapham Update

2011-08-09T16:04:00.004+01:00

I had nothing else to do today so I went for a walk along Clapham High Street to see what, if any damage had happened overnight. The only damage that I could see was that one window of Blockbusters was boarded up.
I decided to go out again this afternoon to see if anything had changes, as I heard that it had started up again in Clapham. Almost every store that I passed was closed or in the process of closing, some were boarding up their windows in anticipation of trouble tonight. I was going to treat myself to a packet of biscuits, but there was nowhere left open to buy them.

Even though I am not at work until Thursday night, I am wondering what precautions are being made for my colleagues at work. I've not heard of any trouble in the City so far, but it could easily happen. I hope that they have drafted in an extra guard for each night shifts and that check calls are extended to every hour at the very least.

National Service?

2011-08-09T10:15:00.003+01:00

There are lots of calls at the moment to reintroduce National Service to "punish" the scum who are committing these crimes in London and around the country at the moment. These calls go out every time "disaffected youth" act in an animalistic fashion like this. I think it is the right sort of idea, but the wrong place for them, or at least it needs to be updated.
I know there are honorable military personnel who should not have to deal with these kind of scum, bringing down the respectability of all military services. I don't know if I would feel safe with these people protecting our nation. It would certainly change my opinion of the military for the worse.
My idea is that, once a child leaves education, if they do not enter military service or gain a permanent position in full-time employment then they should be made to enter the new scheme. The scheme should train them, male and female, in physical education, military-style discipline, the three R's, job skills and pay them their "unemployment benefit" for the privilege. This "force" should be employed for a couple of hours each day to do community work, gaining further skills and giving them something significant to put on their c.v.'s to enhance their future employment prospects. In addition, should a significant event take place, such as a natural disaster, major accident or terrorist act, then they could be employed in stewarding (directing / moving people) and in the clean up.
No one should be paid benefits for doing nothing. In my opinion even mothers should be made to do some community work, while giving them some free child care. It gives them a break, gives them something different to do, gives them a break and can introduce them to new people, experiences and skills.

Absolutely Disgusted

2011-08-08T21:54:00.003+01:00

I don't know if I can put it into words, but I am absolutely disgusted with what is happening in London and Birmingham today and over the last couple of days. A few criminals intent on looking big in front of their friends are causing millions of pounds worth of damage to property, bringing more financial hardness to the whole country and ruining peoples lives.
It all started with a peaceful group asking questions about the police shooting dead a known criminal drug dealer, no loss there though I am sorry for his family's loss. A few individuals thought they would take this tragic opportunity to cause as much mayhem as they could. Other "lesser" idiots are surrounding them to observe the mayhem firsthand and are thus protecting these evil people with their sheer numbers and putting themselves in danger, while making the police's job infinitely more difficult.
I wish the bystanders would just piss off home and leave the violent thieving idiots with no audience to "perform for" and to be caught by the police or burned to death in their own self-made funeral pyres. These criminal scum deserve any and all injuries they receive.
The police should be given one-off powers in events like this only to seize mobile phones to gain images of all those committing these offences.
I urge anyone who has images to give them to police, if you have seen images tell police who has them and if you know any offenders shop them to the police and also make them aware of the heinous acts they have committed and how the majority of the country think that they, and by association, their entire families, are scum.

I've just heard from a friend on Facebook and seen on the BBC News page that it has even spread to Clapham Junction, not far from my new home. I think I may stay up for a few more hours to ensure that it doesn't come too close.

Skint Means...

2011-08-07T20:07:00.003+01:00

I don't think some of my mates use the same definition of the word "skint" as I do. In the UK, for my international readers, "skint" means a lack of money. When I say I am skint, I mean that I don't have enough money to do anything. I think my mates use it to mean that they have little money to do anything. A subtle difference.
Humberto suggested, via Grindr, that I go to Kazbar tonight. I replied that I was skint. He then reminded me that it was only (literally) down the road. I had to tell him that I only have 15p to last me until Friday. Embarrassing and he still didn't offer to buy me a drink!
I'm so bored today as well.

I've Moved

2011-08-06T23:12:00.004+01:00

It was a bit of a nightmare moving today, but only because I had so many heavy boxes. I went through 3 different t-shirts I was sweating so much. I am really disappointed that I had no help, other than Ian from work hiring and driving the van for me. It would have been so helpful to have at least one other person to lift the boxes with me as poor Ian can't lift much without dissolving into a coughing fit. Even so he still helped out as much as he could.
I am now sat in my new living room and am only on line because my new flatmate, Terry, kindly purchased a temporary internet connection for us.
My room isn't as big as I had thought and so there isn't enough room for me to have a desk in there as I had hoped. I can't even get all of my boxes in at the moment. Not sure yet what I am going to do with my office chair. It may have to live in the living room for a while.
The priority now is to get a kettle, microwave and a toaster. I can't believe that the flat doesn't come with them. Oh,well.
I could really have done with having a couple of pints tonight, but I am now skint until next Friday, having only £20 to last me, which also has to feed me, get me to work and pay for my last eBay sale to be posted.

A Brief Absence

2011-08-05T20:37:00.002+01:00

I'm moving to Clapham tomorrow and our internet is not being connected until the 16th August. SIXTEENTH!! How am I going to survive without internet for that long? Good job I have my iPhone, though that will not make up entirely for the lack of a decent connection. I can use the internet at the gym, but won't be able to check out any "dodgy" sites! :-(
See you all soon. Oh and wish me luck tomorrow with the move, I have a feeling that I am going to need it.

Last Night in Barbican

2011-08-05T20:21:00.007+01:00

Tonight is my last night living in the Barbican. I am moving to Clapham tomorrow and to be honest I can't wait to get it over and done with. It seems like an age since Terry and I agreed to move to this new flat and working "with" the letting agency has been a complete nightmare. Let's just say that communication isn't their strongest asset.

I am, however, going to miss living around here, for various reasons:

· It is less than 10 minutes walk to work, but hopefully a new job will present itself soon anyway (one that doesn't involve me getting up so early)

· It is cheap (although that cheapness has its own price, see below)

· I have a lovely large room with windows along the whole of 2 sides which give me loads of brilliant daylight ALL day

· Those windows allow me to people watch, and to cruise guys (I've picked up 3 guys just by looking out of my window in the last 3 months)

· I currently pay NO utility bills, as this was all included in the rent when I first moved here about 5 years ago

· It is only about 150m from my gym (although where I am moving to has a gym not much further away than that), a gym where I can get some sexual contact on a regular basis and where a lot, but not all, of the staff are really nice. It is also where my latest crush works

· It is a fairly peaceful area, though we get sirens almost all day speeding past, very little crime seems to happen here

· It is a fairly central area with easy access routes to most of the rest of London

There are faults with this place though. The flat itself has many problems:

· It is overrun with mice and most traps etc do not seem to work (though we have caught 3 in the last 2 weeks on glue boards, not the most humane of traps unfortunately)

· In winter all the bedrooms get bad condensation on the windows due to their design, which results in damp walls, which in turn results in mould growing on the walls and windowsills and frames

· I share this flat with 5 other people, but there is only one tiny kitchen and one tiny bathroom

· Whenever someone lets the door to the pub close, which is in a stairwell outside my room, it slams which sends a shockwave up the stairwell and shakes my door and walls

· The landlord never does a job quickly, for example when the boiler broke down it was 4 days before he even got someone to look at it (and this was only after he had to take a cold shower); when the drainage pipe from the kitchen sink came loose at both ends it was about 2 weeks before it was fixed; and about 2 weeks ago we had a window broken by someone trying to break in, it is still broken and still hasn't been boarded up or secured in any way

· My flatmates also have their faults, don't we all, but I won't miss the stink in the bathroom after Visar has been in there, I won't miss Alex and his girlfriend, or Jessica and her boyfriend, or the Italian couple who don't speak English taking over the kitchen completely for hours on end

· I won’t miss having to wait ages, sometimes hours to get into the bathroom

· I also won't miss feeling like I am intruding when I go into the living room because my flatmates are having a dinner party or have lots of friends round

All in all I am looking forward to moving, but am more than a little bit worried about the financial side as EVERYTHING is going to cost more. Here's hoping that a new job IS just around the corner.

Man of my Dreams

2011-08-02T13:13:00.004+01:00

I was wandering around doing some chores earlier (taking some eBay stuff to be posted, a bag of junk to the charity store and some grocery shopping) when I saw Jeirdel outside the gym as I passed. He was on his way in to start his shift. He stopped to talk to me. Although we only chatted for a couple of minutes I realised afterwards that I touched his arm at least 3 times. I was really embarrassed as I walked away, having realised this. I guess I was subconsciously hoping for some contact back from him, although I did get a hello handshake. I really like him and want to get to know him more, so I guess I am going to have to bite the bullet and ask him out for a drink properly.
I told him I was moving at the weekend and he realised that this would mean changing gym. I did say to him that we should go for a drink as I wouldn't be seeing him at the gym any more, but he either didn't understand, didn't hear or wasn't interested. Why do I find these interactions so difficult?
I might see him in there later as I'm going to train. Though he's normally too busy with clients to have a chat in there.

Pride Torbay 2011

2011-08-01T19:12:00.005+01:00

I got back from my weekend in Torquay for Pride Torbay at about 14:30 this afternoon. I've been tidying up and sorting my stuff out since. I had a good time, mostly, though the parties at Key West, where we were staying, were a bit of a let down.
Richard drove us down on Friday and we got there in the early afternoon after making fairly good time. The sun was out and so we immediately sat down by the pool and enjoyed the sun. I even went for a dip straight away.

It was beautiful. It is a shame the other men staying there were not also beautiful. There was only one nice looking guy staying in the whole place, and he had a boyfriend (though it didn't stop us having a kiss a couple of times, it could have gone further one night, but I got bored when he explained "the rules" of their relationship). Richard and I had arranged to go on The Show Boat, a party on a boat that goes along the coast and back for about 3 hours. Paul decided to join us at the last minute and was glad that he did. It started off a bit dull, but in the end was a really good laugh, and the coastal views, being Devon, were stunning. No one died either, despite the fact that the steep staircase down to the toilets was right on the "dancefloor" of the boat. We went to the Meadfoot Inn on the way back where they had a karaoke night (which was a bit naff), then went back to the hotel for a few more drinks. I didn't get much sleep as Paul is a really consistent snorer and one of my ear plugs came out and I couldn't find it again until the morning. On Saturday we went to the Party in the Park once Terry had arrived. It was also a bit lame to start off with, but the company (including Terry, from our Barcelona holiday, Alexis and Mimsy) made it work in the end. Most of the acts were dire, but the Sundaes were good, the Boy George Experience was okay and Joe McElderry was good too (we had seen the poor lad as we made our way to the park trying to get a taxi, they hadn't even arranged a car for him). Oh, and Terry took, what has to be the best photo of the whole Pride event:

On the way back we went to the Meadfoot Inn again, and they had another karaoke night, which was worse than the night before. We then went back to the hotel, hoping that it would be a busy night as the downstairs club was open. We went down there at just after midnight. To me it stank of urine and it was just the same people that had been in the hotel all the time. Richard and Paul were talking to a couple of guys they'd met when they'd been smoking outside the Meadfoot the night before. They were both quite sexy, but the one I was introduced to weirded me out a bit. I told him about the urine smell when we arrived and all he could say was, "Did it make your cock twitch?" I lost interest there and then. I was also bored at not having any, non-freaky, hotties to look at so I went to bed. On Sunday we were intending to stay at the hotel for their BBQ & Pool Party, but, once again, the only people who turned up were the ones who'd been in the hotel all along, probably because you have to be a member to get into the hotel (their way of keeping women out, so I've been told). I was getting fed up of just having them to talk to, so we all eventually went to the Cliff House Hotel for their party instead. It wasn't much better but there were more people there, though there were sights like this unfortunately. One drink in the Meadfoot afterwards, where they were having yet another karaoke party (ENOUGH ALREADY), was enough to send us back to the hotel. I went up to the room very early and tried to sleep from about 23:00, but couldn't. I was about to give up and go back downstairs to join the others when Paul came up saying there was no one left down there. I eventually got to sleep.
The drive home today was a struggle, as both Richard and I were tired and the sun was beating into the car constantly, but we made even better time than the drive there.
I was glad to be home though, and am just about to go to the gym to make up for my, almost exclusively, carbohydrate diet this weekend (and maybe get some cock that I missed out on while I was there!).

Torbay Pride III

2011-07-28T22:27:00.005+01:00

I'm off to Torquay tomorrow morning with Richard, who is kindly driving us down there. We are meeting Paul there, who is going by train as he doesn't like long car journeys. Terry is joining us on Saturday. I am hoping that a solution with present itself to my money problems (I'm still waiting for some payments from eBay), so that I can truly enjoy myself. I have an idea, which isn't ideal, but hopefully will not be too embarrassing.

I'll be back on Monday afternoon / evening, hopefully with lots of photos and tales to tell.

If you are in the area, as if, why not come along and enjoy the festivities?

Have I Mentioned Before...

2011-07-28T18:19:00.003+01:00

...I really REALLY hate letting agencies.
I sent an email to Dexters to check that the reference from my landlord was finally sorted. I had assumed that it was okay because they had sent me the contract, but wanted to make sure. I got a voicemail from their head office asking for Oscar's email address or phone number. I phoned back and gave them the details and told them that I had already provided these details to Jack, at the branch.
I then got an email reply from Jack asking ME to chase Oscar. I sent a stern reply to him saying that I'd given him Oscar's contact details already and so maybe he should do it considering I am going to be paying them an extortionate administration fee and I've done all the chasing so far.
I really don't know how they have the balls to charge me £120 for administration considering all they seem to have done so far is send me emails to tell me to do their job. I even had to print out the contract with my printer, my printer ink and my paper, so really don't know how they can charge so much (and that is each, so Terry has to pay that amount too AND we have to pay £120 for a check in too).
I get more and more angry and stressed every time I get a communication from them. I really can't wait until the move is all over.

Worth A Try?

2011-07-27T18:46:00.003+01:00

I've just sent an email to my new Operations Manager at work. He is the third Ops Manager on our site this year and the fourth since this company took over the contract two and a half years ago. Not a good track record. I just wanted to make sure that he knew that I was after a transfer to another site, or preferably a completely different job, i.e. an administration type position, as my requests for the same with his predecessors came to absolutely nothing.
I also took the opportunity to remind him that we still have not had a pay rise in over 3 years and that the Ops Manager before last told me in December that my company were 1 month into the process of requesting a pay rise for us with the client. But, almost 9 months into it, we have still not heard anything back.
Let's hope that something comes of this email, not that I am holding my breath or even really want to stay with this company.

Unfortunately, with my bad luck in applying for jobs, it looks like I may have no choice but to stay with them. I have applied for over 40 jobs this year already and not gained a single interview. I think that is ridiculous.
I also think that some employers have unrealistic expectations:
I saw a job advertised today for an "Administration Executive" in the City of London. The advert stated that they were looking for wanted someone with over 1 year's experience in the role and a Bachelor's Degree. And what were they offering for this "executive" position? A MAXIMUM of £19K!! Pathetic.

Money Woes Continue

2011-07-27T12:40:00.003+01:00

I'm feeling really pissed off at the moment and wondering if I should actually go ahead with my weekend trip to Torquay. I've worked out that I have about £85 to last me until 12th August, once I take into consideration all the bills that are due out of my account. This is meant to feed me, pay for any travel (though I still have about £13 on my Oyster card) and provide all my spending money for Torquay. This is all because of the extortionate bill that I am going to have to pay when I move to my new flat.
I can't really cancel the room I've booked now as it is too late and I am also sharing with Paul, so it would mean he misses out too (or has to pay the full amount which is even less fair).
I've just asked my bank if I can temporarily extend my overdraft limit, but was refused point-blank as I don't earn enough to increase my limit (I probably don't earn enough to have it at this pre-agreed limit as it is, considering it was agreed when I was earning over £10K more than I am at the moment).
I know I've got another £19.20 to come from eBay, with 9 more items due to finish tonight too (though only one is selling at the moment, worth just £3.50), so that is a bit extra, but nothing life-saving.
I really do not know what else to do and it is really getting me down.

Slightly Better

2011-07-24T20:05:00.003+01:00

I've been really fed up last night and today as I've not been able to get out due to my potential lack of funds for my holiday and move. I have come to the conclusion that money does bring you happiness. It cannot buy you happiness on its own, but it can make you a lot more able to afford to do things to help you enjoy yourself. I believe that my depression was made worse by my financial situation over the previous decade, I hope that I don't have to cope with all that again now that I am moving to this flat that I can't really afford!
Helpfully, today I have made about £50 on eBay, which eases my financial situation, but I could still do with more to enable me to be able to eat comfortably over the next 3 weeks! As things stand I am going to have to watch what I spend in Torquay, possibly curtailing my fun, and buy only essential food items, shopping around for bargains etc. Not a great feeling. I remember about 10 years ago surviving on cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch, and pasta, peas and tomato sauce every day for a whole week sometimes. It cost me about £5.00. Not healthy and not interesting for your taste buds either. Fingers crossed that I won't have to do that ever again.